I’d tap that – Bar Refaeli

This was meant to be for last week… a little late but worth it:

Today’s pic is the Sports Illustrated 2009 cover girl (American edition) her name is Bar Refaeli.

She’s hot and her name is Bar.( I could say something about that but I’ll let you all fill in your own comments)

There’s really not much else to say about her, she’s a model, born in Israel and she used to go out with Leonardo DiCaprio and that’s about it.

But she is hot…And let’s face it, this is I’d tap that, not I’d date that…But I’d do both anyway.

…And she has nice legs.

I’d tap that – Silk Spectre II

After watching “The Watchmen” the other day I realized that Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman) has never made the I’d tap that list. And I’d like to apologize about that…Sorry.

I’m dedicating the picture to her character in The Watchmen, seeing as this is the way I want to remember her.

She’s everything a guy can ever want. She wears a Latex costume (Well to be honest more like half a costume, but nothing wrong with that), she’s super sexy and she’s a superhero.

Ah, Silk Spectre, we salute you!

SilkSpectreII

Notorious Nathi, watcha gonna do?

I’ve finally worked it out. I was always wondering why anyone would want to become a police officer. At least in South Africa.

I can imagine being a cop in some small American town where you know everyone’s names and the worst thing you’re going to face is a little old lady who needs to do some road crossing. Well until some serial killer moves to town (But no one’s going to expect a small town cop to sort that out – they’ll get Horatio in for that dilemma)

Anyway back to my story, being a cop in South Africa comes with a certain amount of disadvantages; those being, well, pretty much everything. And then at the end of a month which you’ve spent running away from criminals, being shot and shouted at; you get a little bit of money. I’m not sure how much but I’m pretty sure it’s a little?

But now I’ve finally seen why people do it and it’s all because of one man. One man inspiring the entire police force. And that man is Nathi Mthethwa (Minister of police) He’s like the gangster rapper of ministers. Driving expensive cars, staying in expensive hotels. I mean R235,000 for 14 days in a hotel. I know a whole lot of people that want that life and not just police. Pretty much everyone I know.

So I just wanted to say a big thank you to Nathi Mthethwa. Thanks for inspiring people to be what you are, where you are. You lead from the front.

Maybe you should start a career as a rapper, buy a boat and drink Hennessey from the bottle (not that I’m generalising). You can even change your name to Notorious Nathi, word!

Notorious Nathi

My Worst Nightmare

Came true!

A colleague at work asked… I can barely type it… if I was…pregnant.

What… the… fuck?

I was slouching, ok? And wearing a really baggy jersey!

After I’d recovered from the shock of the question which had the same impact as a bowling ball to my stomach, I replied with a firm; “No!” But to make it even more excruciating, she argues with me, as if to justify it, by saying, “But what’s that over there?” (Poking at me) To which I replied: “My FAT stomach!”

Who still doesn’t know the rule? Never, ever, EVER ask someone if she’s pregnant. Unless you’re standing next to someone and their water breaks and they turn to you and say, “My water just broke, could you take me to the hospital?” And then you say, “Oh, are you pregnant?” – you DO NOT bring it up!

And if you do bring it up, and the person says no; you leave it! Sweet Moses!  You absolutely, undeniably drop it. Not try and convince me that I am!  “No, you are preggers! Look how unnaturally fat you are! How sure are you? Go to a doctor and just double check! Do this for me”

Faaaaaaack oooofffffff!

Weekend bomber

This weekend, I went to a wedding. The person in question getting married was DMeister’s work colleague. So not only was I not going to know anyone there but the entire ceremony was going to be in Afrikaans too. Which is fine, if only I could remember how to speak it. Damn my Grade 4 teacher for not checking my unfinished Afrikaans homework, thereby letting me fall behind forever more in the language!

As the wedding was not in Cape Town, we had to travel there in the day and stay the night. When we got there everyone was around, having drinks and sitting in the Sun before the wedding was to start. We looked at them, they looked at us, then DMeister and I looked at each other. And I said, “I know they’re your work colleagues and you don’t want me to embarrass you but just so you know, I will be drinking the wine tonight… a lot of it.”

As I was making my way to the outside bar, I ran into the groom. I only knew this because I heard someone saying his name and I remembered it from the invitation. He gave me that look like, “I don’t know you, why are you here?” So I explained I was the date of his wife-to-be’s work colleague. He said, “Ah, yes” and things were ok again. We chatted briefly until I inevitably queried, “So? You nervous?”

Why do we ask the groom this on his wedding day? Why would we want to bring to light this obvious emotion that more than likely he is feeling, perhaps to the point where he begins to panic, break out into a cold sweat and before we know it, he’s stolen a car and is heading for the Namibian border at 250km/h… all because you had nothing else to ask him. And then it’s your fault that the wedding’s off and the bride is in tears. You don’t need that drama.

But I did ask and he said, “Well, a little, this being my first wedding and all, so I’m not too sure what to do.”

Cue: Chuckle, chuckle

Where I precede to say, “Ya, don’t worry. I’m sure by your 2nd or 3rd marriage this will be nothing for you!”

Cue: Silence

Groom: Well, I’m hoping this is my only one.

Me: No, I know.

Cue: Tumble weed.

Awkward silence.

Clear my throat.

Groom walks away.

It was a lovely wedding though, and I did have a blast.

I’d tap that – Jennifer Ellison

She’s an actress, glamour model, television personality, dancer and singer. Just to mention a few things off the top of my head (or Wikipedia).

I’ve never seen her act, sing or dance but I do know that she’s hot and that’s all that really matters…Isn’t it?

Jennifer Ellison

Just looking at the picture you can see that there’s more to her than just her “Acting”

Taxi Violence Review

So it was the launch of the new Taxi Violence album, The Turn, at Mercury on Friday, in case you didn’t know.
If you missed it, then you missed out, it was awesome. I suppose that’s the reason they’re one of the best live bands currently on the South African music scene.

The night started out pretty normal, a couple of beers at my place, followed by some Tequila’s and Tequila, followed by more beers. It’s a vicious cycle really.
We decided to take a taxi there, following in the spirit of things and seeing that no one was offering to be the designated driver for the evening; that’s always a sign of things to come.
In retrospect I think I didn’t need to drink quite as much as I did. My heads still not a 100% and I think that I can still taste the tequila and Black label…mmm.

But anyway moving on. The new album is awesome, as was expected. I bought the CD as soon as I got there. Not the smartest thing because it meant that I( and by “I”, I actually mean LT) had to carry it around for the rest of the night.
The time between buying the CD and listening to the band was made up by me (Again, actually LT) trying to get the CD signed by each band member (The Drummer was the most elusive and in the end was the one name I didn’t get, I didn’t want to say it but I think that he might be a ninja… maybe) as well as some on stage antics from Paul Snodgrass. (You might know him from such favourites as South African wrestling on E-tv, and he’s a comedian, the list is endless).

Every time that I’ve watched them play I’ve been impressed. There’s always so much energy on stage and Friday was no different. There were a couple of guest stars there, including Francois van Coke (Fokofpolisiekar) who did some backup singing on “Untie yourself”. I also spotted a few musicians from other bands there, this goes to show the support that they receive from their fans, and even other musos.

I got so into the music that eventually I had down my beer to go and join the other sweaty drunks at the front, for some jumping around while shouting out every lyric I could remember. It was awesome and my apologies to the girl who was unfortunate enough to be in front of me…Some one pushed me, I promise.

Taxi Violence have actually been playing their new tracks for a while now, so it’s nice to finally get them on a CD. In fact they’ve been playing them for so long I find myself singing to the songs on the album already.
So to sum it up: watch them, get the album, play it loud! What more is there!

If you haven’t heard of Taxi Violence, go check out their MySpace page, Taxi Violence

I’d tap that – Lucy Pinder

And here it is, another Dmeister, I’d tap that.

Today it’s Lucy Pinder. I don’t know what she does or even if she’s been on television.
But I do know what you’re thinking: You’re thinking are those DD’s…And you’d obviously be wrong, they’re not…They are in fact 32G’s.
That’s all I’m going to say, how could I say anything more.

If you like it go and vote for it.

NOTE: Last month’s polls closing this weekend – get voting! Choose a winner!

I’d tap that – Olivia Wilde

Another I’d tap that.

Today’s lucky lady is Olivia Wilde. She’s 25, Lives in New York and currently acts in “House”. (In case you were wondering were you’ve seen here berfore?)

Other than that there’s not that much to tell. She was also in the OC, amongst other things and will be in the new Jack Black and Micheal Cera movie “Year One”. And that’s about enough information, I’m sure that no one cares too much.

So here’s the picture enjoy!

The death of football

This entry was brought to you by DMeister

The basis of my article is on the game between USA and Spain. USA being the USA and Spain being the European champions.
 
Now before I start I just want to state that there’s nothing wrong with America. They just do things differently. Don’t get me wrong, America is the pioneer of many great things: iPhones, iPods, iMacs (they seem to like the letter i, maybe they invented that too?),  “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country,” Country Music (I’m sure they’re sorry about that), the Radio (to play Country music), Cindy Crawford and Corndogs…. but football, it’s the one thing, they didn’t have!

I always said that the day America start winning at football is the day the game begins a slow decline, well maybe not decline but a slow change to something else. I know you’re all thinking I’m being a little on the negative side. And you’re all probably right, I hope.

I’ve always thought of America as the country that’s pretty much good at anything and everything, not because they’re naturally athletic or have the passion, but merely because of the fact that they have the financial backing and sheer numbers to get the job done.

But I could always rest safe in the fact that there were some things that even money couldn’t buy; like a good football team. But now that theory seems to be slowly going out the window and that’s pretty much proven with the USA victory.

I can already envision the “Americanisation” of football: There’ll be cheerleaders and monster trucks before the start of the game. Suddenly American players salaries will double ensuring that all the good players of the world leave for a spot in the American soccer league. Huge billboards, flashing lights, adverts at half time will cost small fortunes. And let’s not
forget all the marriage proposals that will be made over the big screen. The list is endless. Don’t get me wrong, these things are fine for Baseball or American Football(because they don’t interest me) but not for a sport where variations of it have been played as far back as 2,000 B.C.!

I suppose our only hope now rests on the Brasilian team. They need to destroy the American team. Not just so they win the tournament but to save the rest of us. Brasil will be our allied attack on Normandy. They will be the first wave of attack that will destroy the US’s hopes and save football for us all. So what we need is a 3 – 0 thrashing. Thus
liberating the rest of us and in the process making South Africa look better. Seeing as we only lost 1-0, in the dying minutes of the game.

Good luck Brasil!