The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Mango still Grooving

Posted by lanktank on November 19, 2008

The other day, at work, I had to call the worst place you could possibly call. It’s the place we all fear most, but at some point in our lives, all have to face. Just talking about it now gives me chills but I’ll keep talking nevertheless… that’s right, it’s not the dentist, it’s not the bank… its Telkom.

God! Even finding the number for the division of Telkom I needed to speak to was an impossible task so I was suckered into dialling 1023. Isn’t this a piece of shite directory, where I get spoken to by the snootiest lady ever, who I’m not entirely sure is a real person. And has anyone else noticed how weirdly pitched she goes on the numbers when she talks; “You are twenTY…SEVen in the queue. Your call will be answered in approximately fouR… and a HALF minutes.” Followed by the most excruciating tune I have ever heard, “Na na, na naaaa, na na ni ni niiii! Da na da na, na na naaaa, ni ni niiiiii” (excuse my singing, I don’t have the best voice) and this repeats itself for the next fouR and a HALF minutes, until I finally get through to an operator but by now, I’ve forgotten why I called. So, I find myself asking, “Who is the composer of this song and where can I execute him?” After receiving the retort, “In which city are you referring to?” I remembered I was looking for the ADSL upgrade department.

24 minutes and two 1023 calls later (because they gave me the wrong number and I had to call back) I finally got through… to another talking robot. This time it was a male voice who interrogated me to the nth degree: Why are you calling? What department do you need? What is your number? Let me repeat your number? Is this the correct number? Did I repeat your number correctly? Tell me! Tell me! Of course I don’t mind all of this (never mind the fact it’s chowing the phone bill) because at least when I eventually get through to an operator, they’ll know all my details and we can get straight to point. But this is not the case. By the time I was patched through to a human being operator, they had no idea who I was, why I was calling or even what my number was. You don’t even know my number? I gave it to the robot 17 times. What was the point of all that?

Nevertheless, I was talking to a human and things were moving along swiftly. She was lovely, surprisingly helpful and knew what she was talking about. I hope Telkom doesn’t find out; they’ll probably fire her, on grounds of not abiding to the company policy of “We don’t give a fuck.”

As we were going through the upgrading process, she had to put me on hold a couple of times. As I held my breath for the worst “song” in the world again, I was stunned by something entirely different. This was not the worst song in the world, this song I knew, this song was from my youth, this song… was by Mango Groove? Yes, Dance Sum More by Mango Groove, and what a classic it was. I couldn’t believe it, Mango Groove? MANGO GROOVE?

Just as I began dancing in my chair and Thrash started giving me the hairy eyeball, the song cut off and I was back with the lovely Telkom Operator (there’s an oxymoron if ever I heard one) and I had to ask…

LT: Was that Mango Groove you put me on hold to?

Telkom Operator: Yes.

LT: Seriously? Are they even around anymore? They can’t be.

Telkom Operator: I bet you they are.

LT: OK, we’re going to have to extensively research this. I’m going to use Google.

Thrash: LT, who are you talking to?

LT: Telkom.

Thrash: Jesus.

LT: Shh, I’m Googling

Telkom Operator: I’m not saying anything.

LT: Not you, Thrash.

Telkom Operator: Who’s Thrash?

Thrash: Not me what?

LT: Everyone be quiet, I’ve found something.

Thrash and Telkom: What?

LT: Mango Groove is alive and performing…still!

Telkom Operator: I told you!

LT: I don’t believe this, what great news. They have a website and everything and they still do gigs, you can hire them for parties and stuff…insane!

Thrash: I love Mango Groove

LT: Who doesn’t?

Telkom Operator: Who doesn’t what?

LT: Thrash said I love Mango Groove.

Telkom Operator: Oh ya, who doesn’t?

Enter Work Manager…

Work Manager: LT, what are you doing? Are you making personal calls again?

LT: No, I’m talking to Telkom.

Telkom Operator: I have a real name.

Work Manager: Why is Claire Johnston’s face on your monitor?

LT: Telkom, I have to go.

Am I the only person astonished to find out Mango Groove are still alive and kicking? Or am I the only person not to know this? Mango Groove people, these are the same people that brought us such classics as “Special Star,” “Hometalk,” “Southern Sky” and who can forget that all time classic, “Moments away.”

And if you too, would like too would like a taste of the Mango Groove memories. Go to: and click on audio samples.

Listen to: “Dance, dance, dance…dance sum more!” I guarantee there’ll be tapping in your feet!

Oh, and props to Smellkom for changing their “on hold” music…. SA Style! (Still wankers though)

One Response to “Mango still Grooving”

  1. 2 points from me…

    1stly, I happen to like that telkom orchestral tune… it takes me to a happy place where i skip in fields of gold barley with butterflies flying around me.

    2ndly, I hate mango groove… we only liked it back then coz we were like, 10yrs old or something and our parents liked it and listenend to it, so we did too. (I still can’t look my folks in the eye for it). And I cam eto the realisation that Freshly Ground is ‘Mango Groove v.2’. And yes, I hate them too. There music sucks huge balls and when people sing that ‘scoobee doo by ay’ I want to curl into the foetal position.

    And don’t even get me started on ‘Potbelly’ and ‘Go Gorilla’. AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

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