The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for December, 2008

Long Weekends

Posted by lanktank on December 29, 2008

Happy Festive Season and more to the point Happy Long Weekends!

Aren’t they the best? “Man, it feels like a Sunday… I should start getting into the Sunday afternoon blues mode, but wait! It’s actually only Friday and there’s still 2 more days to go! WOO HOO! And there’s more… only three days and then it’s holiday time again! Double WOO HOO!”

I know I haven’t been as “committed” to The Lank Tank as I should be of late but like I was saying, it’s the Long Weekends! So much to do and so little time!

My point is this is a shitty excuse for not being around more frequently. Although I doubt anyone is checking The LT anyway because, remember I just mentioned THE LONG WEEKENDS!

I’ll be back in the New Year and it… will… be… good…

Watch this space…

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Goodbye, It’s Over, I’m Gone

Posted by lanktank on December 24, 2008

Not The Lank Tank! Phew, I know all 3 of you were worried there. No, no… it’s my job…

The time has come for me to say farewell! Farewell to my place of work, farewell to my colleagues and farewell to the tree that always left stained berries on my car.

  • Goodbye WORK MANAGER! We’ll always have College Humour, Mamma Mia (you turned me) and Sterrie Stumpies!
  • Goodbye Thrash! We’ll always have Metallica, Samoosas and Bakgat! SKERRRRRRR!

I’ll also miss writing on the task board every morning: Thrash = Loser… Thrash = Nerd… Thrash = Dork etc.

Oh how it made us laugh! Not so much Thrash, and WORK MANAGER got annoyed because I was scribbling over “important” tasks but it was all worth it, hey?

And remember when The Mother made us a batch of brownies and we ate them all in 3 hours? What were we thinking?

  • Goodbye Tree! I won’t miss you, not one bit. The amount of berries that splattered over my windscreen throughout this year has driven me to madness many a time. You give me oxygen Tree, for this I am grateful but your berry holding capabilities are abysmal.

And of course, how can I forget….

  • Goodbye Dead Pigeon! We”ll always have those last 6 seconds of when you were alive and free until you reached your impending doom outside my window. You’re still there, covered mostly in leaves and twigs now, and you’ll still haunt my every waking dream but you’re loyal, you stuck by me through thick and thin and that’ll remain with me.

But I have to move on, I will miss you all dearly! But at least you’ll still have The Lank Tank to stay in touch…Except for you Dead Pigeon… because, well, you’re dead. And even if you weren’t I’m not sure you would know how to operate a computer, especially with those little claws of yours, how would you type?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

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Seinfeld saves the day

Posted by lanktank on December 22, 2008

I was out the other night for a friend’s birthday party. It was one of those parties’ where you know the person that invited you… and that’s pretty much it. So when you’re in situations such as this one, it’s essential to find things that make you look busy.

My usual routine involves taking the longest possible route to the bar, then once I’m there; spending an abnormal amount of time getting a drink, drinking a drink etc. Checking my phone a couple of times and fake smsing is always a goodie, taking a trip to the bathroom stalls a little more time, especially if there’s a queue, until eventually managing to subtly edge my way into a conversation with a group of people who may or may not notice me, but at least I’m not standing by myself.

I followed this procedure and made my why to the group standing closest to the bar. If nothing else, I thought I could at least talk to them about their strategic positioning from dance floor to bar vicinity. However, no matter how hard I attempted to converse with these people they didn’t seem interested in having me there. Try as I might, every joke, every topic, every noise that came out of my mouth was given a stern look, an ever so soft, “tsk” before resuming their discussion on pot plants or coasters or whatever drivel that was spewing out of their mouths.  (Do I sound bitter?) Here I am, working my bee-hind off, coming up with gold! Gold I tell you! Only to be given the  old shoulder edge out of the circle. Who did they think they were? Giving me the shoulder edge? I invented the shoulder edge! (I didn’t but you get me)
Just as I was about to call it quits, I overheard one of the guys in the group trying to tell the other guy a bit from Seinfeld’s stand up, “I’m telling you for the last time,” but he kept forgetting the punch line (typical). As I consider myself somewhat of a Seinfeld enthusiast, I grabbed this opportunity and quickly intervened… “Greatest guy in the world, never heard of him… The guy must’ve be thinking, if I had a pimple I would’ve won!”

I totally didn’t set that punch line up for you but if you haven’t watched this stand-up before, then I’m not sure I even want you reading this blog… that’s right, you heard me, GET OUTTA HERE!

I’m kidding! Come back! Come back! Come baaaaaack!

But you really should watch: the Jerry Seinfeld, ‘I’m telling you for the last time” DVD. You’ll be a better person for it, or at least a funnier one.

Anyway, thanks to Seinfeld, I was back in the game, suddenly well respected and deemed acceptable to talk to. Things were going great until I mentioned Ricky Gervais. They had never heard of him, so now it was my turn to snub them… and snub them I did! “You don’t know who Ricky Gervais is? I’m sorry, and we were getting along so well, but this conversation is over…”

Now, if you don’t know who Ricky Gervais is, then you really do need to stop reading this blog.

Kidding….no….yes I am…not really…of course I am…NOT…maybe…am…

It’s nearly Christmas, I’m losing it. Sorry.

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Overheard

Posted by lanktank on December 18, 2008

Whats uuuuup?

How goes everyone?

A lot of my friends, when they email me, often write the words, ‘WHOOP WHOOP’ after making particular statements. For example, “Only 2 more days until I go on leave… WHOOP WHOOP!” Sometimes, there’s no H, so it’s just, “WOOP WOOP”

I’m not entirely sure what this is about? From what I can gather it means one is excited about something, like WOO HOO! Is this the same thing? Do WHOOP WHOOP and WOO HOO have the same meaning? If so, I’m coming down on the side of WOO HOO. To me it feels more passionate, more expressive and far more emotional! When someone says WOO HOO, I really feel their excitement about getting their drivers license or coming home for Christmas.

Join me in the fight for WOO HOO – don’t let this dying word become extinct!

Anyway, the point of this entry:

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

One of my favourite sites… oh so funny! Check it out when you have sometime. You know how I feel about it?         WOO HOO!

I think I’ve made my point.

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Day of Reconciliation at the Beach

Posted by lanktank on December 17, 2008

As we all know or should know, yesterday was the Day of Reconciliation. A day to reconcile, reunite, merge and bring together! (Yes, I just said words that all meant the same thing). Which was quite fitting actually as a friend of mine just got back from the UK so we were all going to “come together” and do something fun.

After we couldn’t think of anything, we decided to go to the beach… Camps Bay beach to be exact. I’m just kidding, I love the beach. The only thing better than being on the beach, is being on the beach, drinking. Or maybe it’s just drinking… I can’t decide.

As it was a super hot day, we arrived to a very busy, people filled seashore. The reason for this seemed to be, besides the very warm weather, that there was an Idols promotion going on the one side.

Basically it was a big stage with Idols posters everywhere and giant speakers on either side. From what I could gather, one could go up, select a song and sing karaoke in front of the whole of Camps Bay. Girl Next Door explained to me that Idols auditions were the next day and this was to encourage people to try out.

Now you can imagine the type of people going up to sing. I mean, it’s 1 ‘o clock in the afternoon, so for most of the contestants, no alcohol is involved and it’s those type of people who you know think they totally rock the house but in actual fact suck the dick. And this is all good and well, I would expect no less from this type of situation but it was the presenter that completely cracked me up… Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Girl Next Door, - LT, Loxions, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

If the shoe fits…

Posted by lanktank on December 15, 2008

I know we’ve probably all seen it already but what a little Monday Morning treat…

Shoes thrown at President Bush at a press conference in Iraq by an Iraqi Journalist. This happened yesterday during Bush’s farewell visit to the country.

His reflexes are amazing. Maybe this is something he anticipated and had been practicing in the mirror. That, along with how to spell his name and speak in full sentences.

P.S. How do you like my play on words for the title? Hey? Heeeyyyy? I know, LT, how do you come up with these? Getting a C average in matric my friends, ain’t easy…

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Rock Paper Scissors… XTREME

Posted by lanktank on December 12, 2008

For the connoisseurs among us…

rps

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The Miranda Fiasco

Posted by lanktank on December 12, 2008

My brother is coming home briefly for Christmas. He’s taking time out of his impressively busy schedule to make an appearance back home. I haven’t seen him in a number of years and I don’t think we’ve spent a Christmas together for about seven, so it’s nice that he’ll be here and I’m looking forward to it. However, I’ll tell you what I’m not looking forward to; I’m not looking forward to me going invisible for the next two weeks.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned my brother (we’ll call him First Child) before now but let’s just say, “Over achieving, takes all the glory, traveled all over the world and parents’ favourite child” is an understatement for what he really is. I swear to God, people literally forget my name when he’s around. I become known as “First Child’s Sister” and this is how people refer to me for the rest of the evening, that’s if I even get acknowledged at all.

To be fair to him and my parents, I’ve done very little in my life worth mentioning to anybody, but that’s not the point. Is it?

OK, I hear you, you think I’m over-reacting. You’re thinking, calm down LT, you’re totally exaggerating things. Am I? Am I really? No no, but reeeeeally? Let me now re-enact a little saga, I like to call; The Miranda Fiasco….

It was just your typical Sunday afternoon, the sun was out, the day was warm but Autumn was amidst in the air. I was still living at home… going through one of my “not having a job” phases. My parents were on their way to an extended family braai, it may have been someone’s birthday, I forget, but they insisted that I tag along. That’s one of the disadvantages of being jobless, you’re sort of forced to do anything your parents ask of you.

So I went along, if for nothing else I knew there would be a good spread. There’s always a lot of food at these things and I intended on becoming one with it. As we arrived, I headed for the kitchen. While I was dipping into the potato salad, I was interrupted by a British lady whom I had never met before… Miranda… Read the rest of this entry »

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Movies and Parking

Posted by lanktank on December 10, 2008

So I was at the front where there’s water last night to see this movie that’s just been released in S.A. The movie is called Religulous and V & A Nouveau is the ONLY cinema showing it in the whole of Cape Town.

The movie is a comedy documentary, where Bill Maher (comedian) visits a variety of people from a variety of religions and asks them questions on their beliefs. It’s incredibly funny, thought provoking, raises the question of doubt and the fact that “We don’t really know everything.”

It’s a tragedy that not enough people are going to watch this movie, you know, it being in ONE cinema and all, but there’s a far, far graver concern here…

The price of parking at the Vic and Al’s front is outrageous! Sweet Lord, you could put down a deposit for a small house in the South of France with what you pay for 3 hours of parking there.

I mean, come on, I know it’s mainly a tourist destination but are they trying to shunt locals from there altogether? If this is the case, their plan is certainly working.

The cost of the movies there are also suicidal. I bought two tickets and because it was half price Tuesday’s only had to pay R67.50. So are they trying to tell me that it’s R67.50 for one ticket any other day? Moses smell the roses that’s a lot of cash! Are they delusional? And you wonder why people buy pirated DVD’s. Lower your mofo prices Shopping Malls, Ster Kinekor, Nu Metro, or whoever is responsible for this ridiculous price hike!

Oh, and speaking of pirating – How obnoxious is the advert we have to be subjected to before every single movie we watch? “You wouldn’t steal a handbag.” Oh, wouldn’t I? Who are you to tell me what I would or would not do? Maybe I have stolen handbag already (I haven’t) but you don’t know that!

Anyways, I think that’s enough venting for one day, if you can, you really should check out Religulous if for no other reason than a good laugh. But go on half price Tuesdays with a group of people, so when you pay for parking you can split the bill!

Posted in - DMeister, - LT, Things that are Rubbish, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »