The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Seinfeld saves the day

Posted by lanktank on December 22, 2008

I was out the other night for a friend’s birthday party. It was one of those parties’ where you know the person that invited you… and that’s pretty much it. So when you’re in situations such as this one, it’s essential to find things that make you look busy.

My usual routine involves taking the longest possible route to the bar, then once I’m there; spending an abnormal amount of time getting a drink, drinking a drink etc. Checking my phone a couple of times and fake smsing is always a goodie, taking a trip to the bathroom stalls a little more time, especially if there’s a queue, until eventually managing to subtly edge my way into a conversation with a group of people who may or may not notice me, but at least I’m not standing by myself.

I followed this procedure and made my why to the group standing closest to the bar. If nothing else, I thought I could at least talk to them about their strategic positioning from dance floor to bar vicinity. However, no matter how hard I attempted to converse with these people they didn’t seem interested in having me there. Try as I might, every joke, every topic, every noise that came out of my mouth was given a stern look, an ever so soft, “tsk” before resuming their discussion on pot plants or coasters or whatever drivel that was spewing out of their mouths.  (Do I sound bitter?) Here I am, working my bee-hind off, coming up with gold! Gold I tell you! Only to be given the  old shoulder edge out of the circle. Who did they think they were? Giving me the shoulder edge? I invented the shoulder edge! (I didn’t but you get me)
Just as I was about to call it quits, I overheard one of the guys in the group trying to tell the other guy a bit from Seinfeld’s stand up, “I’m telling you for the last time,” but he kept forgetting the punch line (typical). As I consider myself somewhat of a Seinfeld enthusiast, I grabbed this opportunity and quickly intervened… “Greatest guy in the world, never heard of him… The guy must’ve be thinking, if I had a pimple I would’ve won!”

I totally didn’t set that punch line up for you but if you haven’t watched this stand-up before, then I’m not sure I even want you reading this blog… that’s right, you heard me, GET OUTTA HERE!

I’m kidding! Come back! Come back! Come baaaaaack!

But you really should watch: the Jerry Seinfeld, ‘I’m telling you for the last time” DVD. You’ll be a better person for it, or at least a funnier one.

Anyway, thanks to Seinfeld, I was back in the game, suddenly well respected and deemed acceptable to talk to. Things were going great until I mentioned Ricky Gervais. They had never heard of him, so now it was my turn to snub them… and snub them I did! “You don’t know who Ricky Gervais is? I’m sorry, and we were getting along so well, but this conversation is over…”

Now, if you don’t know who Ricky Gervais is, then you really do need to stop reading this blog.

Kidding….no….yes I am…not really…of course I am…NOT…maybe…am…

It’s nearly Christmas, I’m losing it. Sorry.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: