The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for January, 2009

Where have all the Cowboy, show’s gone?

Posted by lanktank on January 30, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by Dmeister


So here I am writing my first blog. The thought of which started when I realized there was a whole world of people out there writing their daily thoughts and opinions. So I thought, why be different? What makes other people’s opinions better than mine? Agreed, nothing. So if they can give you their opinion when their wrong, why can’t I give you mine when I’m right? And that’s the reason I’ve decided to write about truths and justices and things that are wrong with the world. There has to be a beacon of light for people somewhere out there.


I thought I’d start with something that has been on my mind for a while: Television.
I have a question: What happened to all the good, “Man” shows we used to have? Now I’m hearing the sounds of hundreds (well maybe not hundreds), tens of people, saying, “What do you mean? There are tons of good programs on television at the moment.” Really, there are?


Okay, let’s work through a few shall we? Ah, let’s see; There’s Ugly Betty (Ugly girl with too many feelings, and that annoying “let’s freak out about everything” attitude), Grey’s Anatomy (Nurse with too many feelings and man is she confused). Now you’re probably thinking, wait a minute, those are girls programs? Agreed, but then why are so many guys watching them? The only thing happening in the story is that someone loves someone that doesn’t love them or someone hates someone because they think they did something that upsets them but actually they love them as well, they just don’t know it yet, etc. And these seem to be recurring themes in almost all the current big television shows at the moment. Apparently someone decided that it’s not a TV show unless there are emotions and long-winded discussions involved, and my money says that Tom Cruise and Scientology are probably behind it, but that’s just my guess, but a story for another time. Moving on… Read the rest of this entry »

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Can’t afford Office Standard 2007?

Posted by Carl Schutte on January 29, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by C-Dawg

Well then, Office Home and Student 2007 might be for you.  Although according to some community tips on the product page, maybe not.

What are community tips, I know you’re wondering?

“Community tips are bits of advice about the content you find on Office Online. Unlike most of the content on this site, community tips are written by people like you in the Office Online community.”

Phew, that’s comforting; here I thought cyberspace was filled with freaks, but they’re just people like me in the Office Online community. I’m not entirely sure what this community is, but I’m pretty sure that I’m still waiting for my membership card.

So, let’s see what our fellow advice givers had to say:

Posted by Loren A. Boston

“When I open my Microsoft Word or other office products, it has a banner at the top which says, for example, “Document1 – Microsoft Word – non-commercial use”. How do I get rid of this language? I bought Microsoft for personal use, and I don’t want this somewhat insulting language – which seems to suggest I am using the software for anything other than what was intended.”

Man, Lauren has one guilty conscience. Sure Lauren, everybody in “the community” bought Office for personal use… we’re all innocent. How dare a piece of software reprimand you for using it for something other than it was intended? I use and abuse software all the time. Why, just the other day I wrote an entire business proposal in Winamp. It didn’t turn out too well and we lost the deal, but the important thing is that an inanimate piece of software didn’t judge me for doing it. I have some wise words from Billy Madison for you Loren: “Stop looking at me, swan.”

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Status Updates PSA

Posted by lanktank on January 29, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by GND

I’m sure it’s safe to assume we all know & utilize the free-access social networking site Facebook. You know, the premium version of My Space. The place where you get to see who’s scoring who, how the guest list is looking for the Met this Saturday (I’ll see you beautiful people there), who vomited and tripped down the stairs last weekend at Tiger, and of course – who’s feeling sad and lonely today. That’s right, I’m talking about the Status Update facility.

This is the one thing that I really feel a lot of my fellow Facebookers abuse to no end. In fact, so much so that I actually want to remove them as my friend. I’m not talking about the ones that update it every hour (or sometimes every few minutes). Apart from the fact that they clearly do this for a living because they can’t possibly have jobs or study with the amount of time they consume editing their Facebook status, it’s also very unnecessary. We all have these friends – the ones that might say things like:

“Bob is writing his essay” 13h24

“Bob has just finished his essay!” 13h52 (Okay Bob)

“Bob has just handed in his essay! Whoop whoop!” 14h25 (BOB! Seriously. That’s enough. I won’t even start on the ‘whoop whoop’).

The people I’m talking about are the ones that update their status with their ‘emotional’ state of mind… Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Girl Next Door, Things that are Rubbish, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | 11 Comments »

Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed: Robert Pattinson

Posted by lanktank on January 28, 2009

I’ve decided to bring this in…. something for the ladies… and lads… no discrimination here.

It’s the “Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed” entry. GND and I will be putting up a guy each week and at the end of the month we’ll put a vote to it, and see who has the better taste between the two of us and the rest of the world!

I think the title is pretty self explanatory so I’ll just get straight into it:

Robert Pattinson


Not usually my cup of tea really but I watched Twilight the other night and let me just say, he is delicious. I mean look at the picture; this is perfection right here. I suppose the fact that he’s a vampire is always intriguing. Also it’s got that whole, “we can never be together” angle on it too which ups the ‘desire’ anti.

He plays Edward Cullen in the movie and it’s one of those movies that you enjoy but you’re not entirely sure why. There’s going to be a sequal and I’m going to watch it but again, I’m not entirely sure why.

I suppose if nothing else, for this guy… I wish I had a vampire that loved me! The best I’d ever do is a werwolf, or a hobbit. God, I wouldn’t want a hobbit. Too little, and the feet, my God the feet!

Can’t I ever catch a break?

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Your quintessential guide to the J&B Met

Posted by lanktank on January 28, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by Kappie

Okay, so as most of you know it’s the J&B Met this weekend and I’m sure some might be wondering if funnels are classy enough to be taken with. The answer my dear friends is: NO. Having a funnel slung over your shoulder while shouting at horses with the oddest names might attract some unwanted attention. But if you’re anything like me, you live on attention and here’s how we got some of it last year…

So, there we were at The Met with plenty of beers and no funnel to be seen. I know, disastrous! We weren’t beat just yet though, as we suddenly noticed, like a water hole in the desert,  a brightly coloured road traffic cone. It was big enough for at least three or four beers at a time, was bright orange to attract attention and also a great party trick.

Here’s what you want to do if you are to follow in these misguided footsteps: Read the rest of this entry »

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It’s so pretty

Posted by lanktank on January 27, 2009

Checks out these coolio Cape Town photo links…

I love it when the essence of a place where you live is captured… Makes you remember, “Oh ya, this isn’t a shite hole. And, my life isn’t always this shite…hole. Sometimes, I don’t feel like a shite hole… hole”

I think I’ve emphasised my point.

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FirstChild’s Introduction to Philosophy

Posted by Laurence on January 27, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by FirstChild

Some time ago I was an invited speaker at a function of a prestigious society. On this occasion,  I spoke on the history of western philosophy. You see I’ve done a bit of philosophy in my time, but I can control it.* Philosophy is important, it is not about material things like producing things like food or clothing, or manufacturing goods your country can export to earn foreign exchange which it can use on frivolous things like fuel and new medical equipment. Philosophy’s about a lot more than that.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Personal Space Invaders

Posted by Carl Schutte on January 26, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by C-Dawg

OK, so what exactly is the deal with people not understanding the concept of personal space?! Are these people from another culture on a distant planet or were they just smothered with too much love as babies?

It really does boggle my mind how some people just don’t get it.  It’s not like I graduated from Social Psychology 101 and suddenly realised that 1.2 m is the optimal distance I should be keeping from people – unless it’s my girlfriend (if only), in which case it’s (hopefully) acceptable for me to be within her intimate space of about 45 cm. Although, not all the time, that would be pretty annoying if your partner abused their personal space privileges and were always up in your face… but I digress.

So, what brings me to this topic you might ask. Well, grocery store checkouts have always been a bit of an issue for me. It’s like suddenly “prison rules” apply and anything goes. You’re still busy paying for your weekly food stock, but the douche bag behind you has already unpacked their monthly supplies and is slowly pushing it further down the conveyor belt. Now you can feel them standing right next to you. You want to turn to them and say: “Hey, I’m quite new to signing credit card receipts. Do you think you could hold down the paper and I’ll try to figure out how to use this pen? I just know that if we work as a team we can totally overcome this obstacle! Also, this might sound weird, but would you like to be friends?” Actually what I’d really like to say to them is: “Hey buddy, how about you back the f**k up?!” Read the rest of this entry »

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Zingara and Couples

Posted by lanktank on January 25, 2009

Dmeister and I went to Madame Zingara on Friday night with Hailstorm and Baino. Hailstorm and Baino are that couple Dmeister and I do other “couply” things with. The reason for this is that they’re one of the few couples out there that don’t irritate the crap out of you.

Granted I’m an item and have been for two years but I still remember the single life, with great fondness I might add, and let’s face it: Most couples suck. They’re either boring or annoying and neither of those emotions I am down with.

There’s nothing worse than a couple who’ve developed “cute” nicknames and voices for each other and then choose to speak this way in public company. And the longer they stay together plus the more you hang out with them; the more they seem to think it’s acceptable to “goo goo” and “gaga” at each other. I’d like to speak for every single person out there when I say: This is not acceptable behaviour. Never ever ever EVER talk like this when there are other people around.

I mean, you want to call each other “Poobear” and “Pingaling” in the privacy of your own home, by all means but as soon as you enter everyday life and you know, standard social situations you go back to being normal human beings with an average IQ. Okay? Read the rest of this entry »

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Meet the crew: Dmeister

Posted by lanktank on January 23, 2009

Last but certainly not least, it’s Dmeister; My one and only boyfriend (yes, I only have one).

By default he’s part of the of the LT crew, mainly because of the fact that we’re “cuddling” together. Being a fairly prominent feature in my life over the past two years, he will be mentioned/discussed/scrutinized from time to time.

We met through a friend’s cousin. Strange indeed. It wasn’t love at first sight but maybe we always knew there was something there. Years later I met up with him again overseas and the rest is history. (Well, not really, it took another year before we got our act together but this is starting to seem long winded now).

Anyways, want to see how I got so lucky? Want to know what I see in this loving, caring man? Check out his profile below:


1. Name:

2. Favourite Movies: Braveheart, Bourne Trilogy, Any given Sunday and The Hulk.

3. Favourite Books: Shane Warne Biography (what can I say the guys a legend), Andy McNab – Nick Stone series

4. Favourite Bands: Thrice, Corrosion of Conformity, Pearl Jam

5. Interests: Rugby – Super14, Internationals, it makes no difference, there’s no disputing Rugby’s a man’s game.
Formula 1 – Racing around a track at 300km/h plus; what’s not to like?
The 5
th Gear – Nice to see some real drivers testing cars, better than celebrities telling you what car to buy just because they think it looks good in blue.
I’m also a big fan of the recent wave of survival programs. After watching a few of those I figure I will survive fairly easily in the wild after global warming.

6. Ideal Date: My perfect date would be going to watch a Pro20 Cricket game at Newlands. There are just so many good things about it, it’s basically a picnic (appealing to the lady), but at least there’s something to watch i.e.
the cricket (appealing to the guy). And we don’t have to talk about our “Feelings”. There’s an added bonus, we all know how bad the traffic gets in after a cricket match, so if I do, inevitably have one too many drinks then she can direct me out of the parking lot.

7. If you could have dinner with any three people: Karolina Kurkova and Jessica Alba, I don’t even have to think about those. Oh, and I suppose I’ll have to invite LT as well. She can help fill those awkward silences; I’m probably not going to want to talk the whole time.

8. Occupation: Graphic Designer

9. How did you meet LT: If I remember correctly we met through a mutual friend at a house party, something like that?

10. Quotes: “If you’re not first then you’re last” – Ricky Bobby
“You’re going to tell me what I want to know. It’s just a question of how much you want it to hurt.” – Jack Bauer

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