The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Your quintessential guide to the J&B Met

Posted by lanktank on January 28, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by Kappie

Okay, so as most of you know it’s the J&B Met this weekend and I’m sure some might be wondering if funnels are classy enough to be taken with. The answer my dear friends is: NO. Having a funnel slung over your shoulder while shouting at horses with the oddest names might attract some unwanted attention. But if you’re anything like me, you live on attention and here’s how we got some of it last year…

So, there we were at The Met with plenty of beers and no funnel to be seen. I know, disastrous! We weren’t beat just yet though, as we suddenly noticed, like a water hole in the desert,  a brightly coloured road traffic cone. It was big enough for at least three or four beers at a time, was bright orange to attract attention and also a great party trick.

Here’s what you want to do if you are to follow in these misguided footsteps:

1) Make sure the cone has been standing in the sun for a while to make it more flexible.

2) Make sure there is some sucker willing to take the first funnel as inevitable the cone is going to be filthy. But persevere, you must.

3) Turn the cone upside down then bend the tapered point upwards to avoid spilling beer before being ready to funnel.

4) Pour beer into the funnel or whatever other beverages you want to try out, don’t be shy to sneak a little extra in your buddy’s funnel during mid funnel when he/she cant stop you.

5) Kneel down and slowly bend the tapered side of the road cone into your mouth.

6) Be ready to chug… it comes out alarmingly fast.

Sure we caused some traffic in the parking lot due to the missing cone, but people walking past were loving it…or hating it, I cant remember. One guy got so excited when he saw us misusing the road cone he hurdled over a three foot wall and begged us to let him try it out. In these situations, I refer you to step 2.

So there you have it. A complete guide to the J&B Met. Hope you guys enjoy it and this year we will be looking for even more objects to turn into potential funnel apparatuses, so stay posted.

*Please have a safe and sober driver if you are going to try any of this. You know, that guy at work who insists on coming with you so you agree… but only if he drives.


One Response to “Your quintessential guide to the J&B Met”

  1. Darren said

    ha ha ha,
    im so glad i was no where near the front of that funnel and just an instigator pouring.
    i hope u remember who our step 2 was!
    poor guy, from what my blurry memory remembers he pulled a twig out of his mouth after.

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