The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Status Updates PSA

Posted by lanktank on January 29, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by GND

I’m sure it’s safe to assume we all know & utilize the free-access social networking site Facebook. You know, the premium version of My Space. The place where you get to see who’s scoring who, how the guest list is looking for the Met this Saturday (I’ll see you beautiful people there), who vomited and tripped down the stairs last weekend at Tiger, and of course – who’s feeling sad and lonely today. That’s right, I’m talking about the Status Update facility.

This is the one thing that I really feel a lot of my fellow Facebookers abuse to no end. In fact, so much so that I actually want to remove them as my friend. I’m not talking about the ones that update it every hour (or sometimes every few minutes). Apart from the fact that they clearly do this for a living because they can’t possibly have jobs or study with the amount of time they consume editing their Facebook status, it’s also very unnecessary. We all have these friends – the ones that might say things like:

“Bob is writing his essay” 13h24

“Bob has just finished his essay!” 13h52 (Okay Bob)

“Bob has just handed in his essay! Whoop whoop!” 14h25 (BOB! Seriously. That’s enough. I won’t even start on the ‘whoop whoop’).

The people I’m talking about are the ones that update their status with their ‘emotional’ state of mind…

For some reason, a number of people feel a strong need to notify everyone and anyone they’ve ever met in their life, that they aren’t feeling so great today. I’m not sure about you, but if I felt suicidal because my cat just died, I don’t think I’d be up to broadcasting it to my 200+ “friends” who at some stage will see it (if they visit my page, which they do. A lot).

There are seriously people that will actually type, “Sandy is feeling sad today, and can’t believe James would actually do that!” Seriously, did you just do that? Did you honestly type the fact that you are bleak with your boyfriend in no uncertain terms for all your friends (and his!) to read? Or perhaps they’ll type, “Kim is finally starting to feel better again”. I’m not quite sure why people feel the need (or feel they have the right) to publicize this personal attention-seeking information! I feel like writing to them and saying “Suck it up chick! Over two million people have lost their jobs in the UK in 2008 and you’re whining (and publicizing) the fact that you’re struggling to get over your breakup with your boyfriend?” Come on.

What’s worse is when I send a “private message” to a friend innocently saying “Watsup, howzit going, hope to see you out this weekend?” and I get a reply ON MY WALL saying “Actually I’m not doing too well, didn’t you see my status update?” No retard, I didn’t, because I don’t go trawling through people’s status updates in order to find out their general well being. In fact, I rarely pay any attention to them at all unless they’re hysterically funny.

Obviously none of you reading this do that, but just in case, lets all make a little mental promise together, to never ever divulge the goings-on in your personal life. You need to stop. It’s silly. And annoying.OK, sooo… mental pinky swear…!

11 Responses to “Status Updates PSA”

  1. Captain Awesome said

    Captain Awesome is not feeling too awesome today.

    iv got another one thats just as bad.
    Sarah* – only 68 more days
    Sarah* – another 67 days to go
    Sarah* – its getting closer 66 days.

    now 2 months of this on my update wall is a bit much

    *this name is completely fictional and does not relate to a specific person

  2. C-Dawg said

    I remember, back in the day, when I was still on FaceBook, a was struggling to hit 100+ friends.

    You know there’s a lot of pressure on some people to constantly come up with hysterically funny status updates. You’re asking too much of me! So, I like to balance the occasional funny with something deep & meaningful, but I don’t publicise every single emotion.

    “C-Dawg is a sad Panda because he had to end, yet another, relationship because the girl was just too crazy and off the deep-end – honestly, where have all the normal girls gone?”

    TMI GND? 😛

  3. Girl Next Door said

    who the shyte is captain awesome?
    C-Dawg- one day my friend. one day.

  4. Captain Awesome said

    come on GND give us your favourite facebook status

    there are a few gems out there

  5. Girl Next Door said

    *mandy can’t see through the tears

    i’m finished, it’s too much

  6. Captain Awesome said

    how about a funny one.
    not desperate funny, proper funny.

    Steven* is a registered sex offender, im only joking im not registered


  7. Girl Next Door said

    that’s not funny though. that’s old. and siff.
    i now know who you are.

  8. Captain Awesome said

    ha ha ha

    a gold digger is like a hooker, just smarter

    (is that better)

    how did u know it was me
    what gave it away?

  9. girl next door said

    your ‘awesomeness’. it overwhelms me.

  10. luwie said

    Luwie is tgif!! Whoop whoop 🙂

    Abbreviation, cliched, whoops, emoticon, and grammatically incorrect.

    Wtf 🙂

  11. luwie said

    Luwie is TGIF!! Whoop whoop 🙂

    Abbreviation, cliched, whoops, and emoticons… Gotta love it. Not.

    Wtf 🙂

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