The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for February, 2009

Bullet for my who?

Posted by lanktank on February 27, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by Dmeister

As a lot of you know “My Coke Fest” (Zero Fest isn’t working for me) is coming up soon. The obvious main attraction for most of us to go to My Coke Fest is the chance to see some international bands, and this year will be no different with a line-up consisting of Oasis, Snow Patrol, Panic at the Disco, Red Jump Suit Apparatus and Bullet for my Valentine.

Now it’s Bullet for my Valentine that seems to be puzzling me only because everyone keeps asking, “Who are they?”And I keep on replying, “How do you not know?”

But how can I expect anyone to know who they are, considering the fact that I don’t think 5FM (Official Coke Fest Sponsor) has actually ever played a Bullet for my Valentine song on their radio station. Don’t you think they could play at least one song every now and again? It makes perfect sense to me but tragically I don’t think it’s occurred to them. I suppose they have to keep meeting their endless quota of the same top 40 pop songs that they play everyday. Heaven forbid we hear something different.

And on that note here’s my low down on Bullet for my Valentine:

They’re a heavy metal band, so expect aggressive guitars and thumping bass and drums, not drum and bass, that’s different. Also if you’re a Britney fan it’s best to stop reading here, I don’t think that they’re the band for you. You can go back to your Barbie dolls and pink dresses, no harm done.

Well about the band; originally they’re from Bridgend, in Wales and cite their influences as being: Metallica, Pantera, Machine Head, Iron Maiden, Slayer, Judas Priest and Megadeth etc. etc. So if you like any of these bands then definitely check them out. It’s not often that South Africa gets metal bands here so if you don’t watch them, don’t expect more bands to come. Currently the band has two albums: “The Poison”, and “Scream, Aim, Fire”

I thought I’d ease you in to their music so here’s the video for one of their older songs, “All these things that I hate (Revolve around me)”

Bit chilled, but I’ll post a heavier song in the future.

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You’re not alone

Posted by lanktank on February 27, 2009

In the spirit of my “guy who ripped in public” incident yesterday, I felt I should share this site with you guys in case you hadn’t heard about it yet.

If you hate your life… you are certainly not alone. Isn’t that comforting? Just have a read.

Trust me, it’s worth the extra click..

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Ripping Ain’t Cool

Posted by lanktank on February 26, 2009

So, I’m sitting in an internet cafe (don’t ask why I’m at an internet cafe) about to talk to you about this lovely cocktail bar I went to the other night when the dude next to me let’s one rip.

I mean, what the hell? What has society become I ask you? And I’m not the only one who can smell, the girl sitting next to me on the other side is pulling a face. I know this because I turned to her and made sure she saw me shake my head, just in case she thinks I’ve released this vile odour that’s dispersing around us.

How does he think this is acceptable? Just because we’re all wearing earphones doesn’t mean we’ve lost our sense of smell? Where does he think he is? It’s like he’s at home, in his bedroom and he let’s one loose; and only then does he see the dog lying on the floor. But he thinks to himself, “Oh well, who gives an Ef, it’s only a dog.”

And that’s what is happening here in the internet cafe. We, the people, sitting in our little cubicles, are the dog to his bedroom.

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I’d tap that – Mikaela Keller

Posted by Laurence on February 26, 2009

A FirstChild pick

First, let me just say that I find the title of this category somewhat coarse, but anyway, gentlemen, I bring to you this week a most beautiful and intelligent lady. My heart melts at the sound of those French lips. I have spent many nights with a nice glass of chardonnay, a pen and pad and her online video lectures. Of course, I’m talking about Mikaela Keller, and here are her lectures on probability theory with applications to machine learning.

Be stimulated. Take that “Jessica Alba” and “Keeley”.

Basics of probability and statistics – Mikaela Keller

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This is why you’re fat

Posted by lanktank on February 25, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by Kappie

Ahoy there!

Ever felt bad about ‘pigging out’ on that last Rolo, or stealing your little sister’s friend’s ice-cream? (Even though she deserved it for throwing bubblegum in your hair)

Well, here’s a website that might make you feel a little better about yourself or it could do the complete opposite. Either way this has to be seen. Surely no restaurant, vendor or take-away shop could sell these legally? How does one even open their mouth wide enough to even take a bite out of this stuff?

Just have a look and be amazed…

The McNuggetini just makes me angry. How dare they mix vodka and chicken…AND BBQ sauce!!!!

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That’s “gold”

Posted by Laurence on February 25, 2009

We here at The Lank Tank are starting a new feature – trying to come up with the worst imaginable standup material. For example, who could ever forget the Seinfeld episode where Jerry starts his bit with “now who’s ready to laugh?” and “what’s the deal with cancer”. And don’t forget Bania’s “Ovaltine” bits…

In this spirit – here’s a swimming bit:

How about those water wings? Tell me, do ducks have water wings, or regular wings? I suppose they must be regular wings cause water wings are more colourful.

And what’s with the weird names for the swimming strokes? I mean, like butterfly? I was so bad at that stroke, I felt like I was trying to fly through butter. I had about as much chance of getting to the other end as actually buttering a fly – little pesky buggers. Never mind the crawl. Another apt characterisation of my swimming abilities. And how about breastroke? I mean, I wish, hey…

Blog: Think you can do worse swimming material? Post your suggestions in the comments

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Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – Daniel Craig

Posted by lanktank on February 24, 2009

An LT pick

I mean come on, he’s James Bond?

Everyone has a favourite Bond… and call me “new school” but I’m a Craigie girl.

Besides the fact that he is really, really, ridiculously good looking, he’s also totally hardcore. And over and above all that, from what I can tell (from the whole two interviews I’ve seen of him) he looks like he has a great sense of humour too.  See, now that’s a package. Speaking of packages… I rate his is pretty decent too.


Daniel Craig people, he’s my guy.

Also that thing he does with Catherine Tate for Red Nose Day Comic Relief a few years back…. brilliant.

Go Vote for February’s Guy You Wouldn’t Kick Out Of Bed in our poll, on the Take Your Pick Page

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Remember the classics

Posted by lanktank on February 24, 2009

Advertising is just not the same anymore, don’t you think? Most of the adverts I see nowadays are either shite or not shite, except that I can’t remember what they were advertising, thereby still making it… shite.

I suppose a lot of it has to do with the fact that there are so many more mediums of advertising, than there were 15 years ago; the main focus not necessarily being television anymore, so companies have to balance their resources accordingly.

But there were some goodies when we were growing up hey? Some, I’ll never forget, probably for as long as I live… as sad as that sounds. But that’s just great advertising people… a marketer’s dream.

Therefore, because of my nostalgia for the greats and possibly as an urge to advertising agencies to maybe up their game a little, or perhaps all they need to do is go back to basics; I’ve decided to introduce a new category namely: Remember the Classics…

The T.V. Bar Ad:

Undeniably one of the best adverts ever made. I’m talking about the one where two young boys are in their school uniforms and waiting at the bus stop. They’re hiding under a jacket because it’s pouring with rain. They both look very disgruntled with life and feeling rather sorry for themselves when Boy A says:

“I’m hungry!”

Boy B turns to him and begins asking him to imagine eating a delicious, magical treat which is so well described you can’t help but be engrossed to the television to find out what he’s talking about. He goes on for about 20 seconds and as he is about to reach the climax of the story…

“…Swirling in a whirlpool of chocolate, crispy rice and coconuts-“

He is interrupted by Boy A, who can’t take it anymore, and screams, “Stop! Stop!”

But the grand finale is when Boy B, turns to Boy A and with a wry smile pulls out a Beacon TV Bar chocolate and says:

“Imagine eating all of that…NOW!”

Glorious, truly glorious.

I wonder what has happened to those two boys. They must be in their thirties by now. I hope they’ve gone on to great things, maybe met someone special and started a family; because both performances in this advert were worthy of a Cannes award at least.

Got any vintage ads you think are worthy of being called a “Classic?” Email them to lanktankstuff[@]gmail[dot]com

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Posted by Carl Schutte on February 23, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by C-Dawg


An old university friend of mine stumbled across this cartoon and said they immediately thought of me.
I don’t know why, I’ve never gone out with anyone named Polly…

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Victory and Blood

Posted by lanktank on February 22, 2009

Well the Stormers game was a bittersweet victory. It was classic Stormers game plan, where we start a little rocky in the first 10 minutes, only to come back guns blazing just before half time. We enter the second half with a comfortable lead; in fact, only one more try and we’ll get a bonus point… but wait a minute, it’s just struck 60 minutes on the clock. You know what means; time to let the other team come back and score three tries. Thanks for that; let’s give all the fans a hernia while we’re at it. It didn’t end as badly as it could have… we did win…Thank you God…. and The Stormers…and Rassie.

Kappie’s birthday night out… I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about it. I remember there was Jagermeister and then at some point, there was blood.

Skype lesson with the parentals… continues.  I decided we needed to take a break after Dee asked me, “Is the reason why we plug the earphones into the green hole because green means go? Like the traffic lights?”

It’s these moments, when you know they mean well, you have no right to be annoyed, so you just take a breath, smile an say; “Yes dad, it’s because green means go…”

M.O. also wanted to break to check out Idols. We’re on the top 14 I see. M.O. tells me Liza was the best and she likes Daniel I think. Dee wasn’t keen Susie and also liked Liza. But who will SA vote out? I know I’m on the edge of my seat.

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