The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

What’s the crew getting up to for Valentine’s Day: Part 2

Posted by lanktank on February 11, 2009

This time it’s Kappie and GND, what are they planning this February the 14th…


Bullsh*t for my Valentine

Valentine’s Day is this Saturday and I think we all know what that means. Of course, single ladies looking to party and Jimbo and I have the perfect plan.

You may or may not have heard of a type of party known as the ‘traffic party’. Jimbo calls it the ‘traffic party’ because he says his bedroom will be like a main intersection but with girls instead of cars. For now I’ll just stick to the real meaning: Three colours may only be worn to this party. Red if you’re in a relationship, yellow or orange for it’s a Facebook “complicated” and green for single to mingle…just like C-Dawg for the rest of his single little life.

A popular club in Kenilworth has a ‘traffic party’ every year and Jimbo and I have finally decided to test the waters with a devilish plan, if I do say so myself. We are going to wear ALL three colours in case different scenarios arise. I’ll be using the green shirt primarily to get myself out there and then cleverly change to red if I get a level three cling-on who doesn’t understand I’m not her ‘pookie’. Oh and the yellow one is my particular favourite. The yellow will be used on those tough nuts to crack and will allow me to play the sensitive guy. I imagine something along these lines will surely take place:

Kappie: (acting sad, emotionally strained and puppy eyed)

Girl #43: “Why so down?”

Kappie: “Just leave me alone.”

Girl #43: (intrigued by my abruptness) “What’s the matter?”

Kappie: “You won’t understand.”

Girl #43: “Try me.”

Kappie: “Well…it’s this girl I’m kind of seeing…I just don’t think she appreciates my feelings etc. etc. etc. blah, blah, blah”

She’ll follow by saying that she thinks I deserve someone who does appreciate me, while I ‘tear’ myself apart saying that I don’t think I do; all the more pulling her ever closer to this emotional trap.

Jimbo says it’s a full proof plan and I tend to agree with that, I mean what’s the worst that could happen?

And Girl Next Door?

GND will be joining the Black Hearts Club this Valentine’s Day. And not in a weird sadistic way, just play-play. Silly games. In fact I’ll have my hot, witty, well-built, intelligent boyfriend with an 8-pack waiting for me at home when I get back, obviously, but that’s beside the point. I choose to be with friends on this day. Friends who aren’t as lucky to have a love like I do.

Back to the point – we’ll be attending the Stormers game at Newlands this Saturday. And by we I mean my single friends. That constitutes approximately 6 of us. The rest of the crew have teamed up with their worse/better half and are going out for dinner / going away for the weekend / eating chocolate dessert off each other and the list goes on. Icky. I think I just got sick a little bit in my mouth.

It should be an interesting day, seeing as the last time I watched a bunch of big sweaty men run after a weirdly shaped ball was… well lets be honest… never. I’m not sure if you can tell but I don’t think I’m what you’d call a huge rugby fanatic.

17 Responses to “What’s the crew getting up to for Valentine’s Day: Part 2”

  1. C-Dawg said

    Kappie, r u crazy?! If you come off being all sensitive, she’ll just wanna be your friend – that’s a life-long friend-zone sentence!

    GND, I don’t want to alarm you, but your bf’s extra 2 packs might well be a hernia – he may wanna get that checked out…

  2. Jimbo said

    Well if all else fails there is always our fall back pick up line…

    “Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”

    Its always a winner.

    I say we hit the traffic party, then I heard there is going to be a huge after party, in my pants! please bring your friends, no animals.

  3. Jimbo said

    We could always start off at the Stormers game.GND can put in a good word with her 6 single friends.


  4. Kappie said

    Ah, Jimbo. You’re a genius. Just to be sure, GND’s friends are all single women right? As for that chloroform it might get us arrested, but I’m willing to take that chance if you try it first. The pants party is another brillant idea, but I think we should change it to ‘our’ pants party…wait that sounds gay. How about mine and yours pants party…no, no that won’t do. Well you get the point.

  5. Jimbo said

    i think there should be another guide line for GND’s friends.
    single hot women!
    we dont want to catch the mingingitis before our big party.

    about the chloroform, after i some needed strenght from the Klipmeister i will definately do it first.
    I will do almost anything after a few brandys.
    who am i kidding. id do anything after a few brandys.

  6. Girl Next Door said

    they’re all single hot males. all for me. I don’t have single lady friends. sucks for you

  7. Girl Next Door said

    full proof? fool proof?

  8. Jimbo said

    Not cool
    Kappie i think its time to hold a emergency meeting to see what GNDs worth to the group is since she is not bringing in the hot single ladies anymore.we might have to look at the option of kicking her out the group.

    Kappie its time to brainstorm about a possible change of venue for our afternoon gang bang.

  9. C-Dawg said

    This article is full of fool proof – proof that fools exist…

  10. FirstChild said

    Hmm, I dont think I know Jimbo. I haven’t had the pleasure of his acquaintance, as it were.

  11. Kappie said

    Oh you have met Jimbo. He was the one who peed on your bonzai tree and killed it…wait maybe you were’nt there.

  12. FirstChild said

    Oh no! Not Precious!

  13. C-Dawg said

    “they’re all single hot males. all for me. I don’t have single lady friends. sucks for you” – GND

    I didn’t know I was going to Newlands; you could’ve warned me! Now I have to cancel on my other lady friend…

  14. Jimbo said

    I would just like to know where GND got 6 friends from?

  15. Girl Next Door said

    aahhh C-Dawg…. u just gotta cancel. we’ve been friends way longer. don’t be one of those people who forgets their friends when they’ve found a person to lust after.

    jimbo – who are you? you sound like you look ugly. i don’t like ugly-looking people.

  16. Jimbo said

    Well its a pity you havent had “the pleasure” yet!

    Dont worry I will move you onto my short list.You are currently number 43, so I guess I will be seeing you next week. Wednesday good for you?

  17. Girl Next Door said

    what part of ‘i dont like ugly-looking people’ dont you get? 🙂

    (see what i did there. adding the smiley emoticon at the end. who knows if i’m being serious. i probably am though)

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