The Lank Tank

Why so serious?


Posted by lanktank on February 18, 2009

It’s a Double Kappie Whammy

I met this beautiful and charming girl last month at some wedding that I may or may not have just rocked up at. We exchanged numbers and of course Facebook friended each other and a week later she calls me to go have a drink at the waterfront with her. I’m yet to decline a drink and I think that’s what she counted on.

Started out great, good conversation and even better cocktails…not to worry I stayed far away from the pink ones. Then all of a sudden she stands up and says we’re going to be late. Late? For another cocktail? I had no idea. I get up from the table and follow her, scheming she’s got some surprise for me. Oh and what a surprise it was…

We walk on over to the movie theaters and I’m saying in my head, ‘Please no chick flick, please NO chick flick’. We walk up to the entrance and not even a nod is exchanged between my date and the ticket-check-er-person and we’re let through. I felt pretty important by now and continued following my date up some stairs to another set of theaters I’ve never been near before. Think they show some super gay films in this section. I didn’t recognize one famous actor on any of the posters and some titles I remember were, ‘Flower of my Heart’, ‘The Night Dreamer’ and perhaps the worst, ‘The Day my Soul got picked from my Bones’. That’s some pretty deep stuff right there.

We walked into a cinema that had no poster. That in itself was a sign. I opened the door for her and after I let her through I looked into the room and noticed a full cinema of suits. Boy was I under-dressed in my khaki’s. There was not going to be a movie that night, I sensed it. This was something so sinister that people all had note books to make sure their messages got out if anything had happened to them in that dark room.

I kept my calm and gingerly sat down and faced forward, giving a slight smile to my date. One suit stood up once everyone had settled and started his assault. Then it hit me, this was a pyramid scheme meeting! (cue the dark music). The main suit said in a surprisingly cheerful voice: “Good evening everyone”. And by that time I was sound asleep. It was almost as if my soul had been snatched away and brought back by the sound of clapping. The speech was over and I had heard nothing. Was I still alive? Thankfully, yes. I turn to my date and had to wake her too. Did we both fall asleep coincidently or were we put to sleep?

Either way when we both got up to leave, I got cornered by the suit that just said his speech. He asked me all kinds of questions I kind of just glazed over and put my best ‘I’m here face but not really face’ on. He handed me some pamphlets and took down my number. (Spat gum in the pamphlet and gave him Jimbo’s number).

Needless to say I’m never going for drinks with that girl again. Well, I probably will if she’s buying.


3 Responses to “Sneek”

  1. Jimbo said

    That explains why i woke up this morning with 20 sets of pots and pans and why my credit card is max’d out.
    he must have caught me when i was pissed.
    also explains why i woke up with a Pyrimydis Tshirt on.

    can you say what the f#ck did i do last night?

  2. Jumani said

    Those pyramid schemes! What horror. They are soon to takeover from born again christians as the greatest threat to social peace.

    I had a similar experience with an old friend. Met him in England after like 11 years. We met girls, we got drunk, it was great. But then the next day he tried to get me on his pyramid scheme! Oh the horror.

  3. Kappie said

    Feel your pain, the next time I get involved in a pyramid is a human pyramid full of girls.

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