The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

That’s “gold”

Posted by Laurence on February 25, 2009

We here at The Lank Tank are starting a new feature – trying to come up with the worst imaginable standup material. For example, who could ever forget the Seinfeld episode where Jerry starts his bit with “now who’s ready to laugh?” and “what’s the deal with cancer”. And don’t forget Bania’s “Ovaltine” bits…

In this spirit – here’s a swimming bit:

How about those water wings? Tell me, do ducks have water wings, or regular wings? I suppose they must be regular wings cause water wings are more colourful.

And what’s with the weird names for the swimming strokes? I mean, like butterfly? I was so bad at that stroke, I felt like I was trying to fly through butter. I had about as much chance of getting to the other end as actually buttering a fly – little pesky buggers. Never mind the crawl. Another apt characterisation of my swimming abilities. And how about breastroke? I mean, I wish, hey…

Blog: Think you can do worse swimming material? Post your suggestions in the comments

3 Responses to “That’s “gold””

  1. Luwie said

    So, ‘sausage’ is a funny word don’t you think. Come on, say it… ‘sausage.’ Well, I guess it could be wors… get it. Huh? ooh, tough crowd.

    And so what’s the deal with ‘it sells like hot cakes’? Have you ever bought a hot cake? And if so, if they sell so well, how come you can still get cold cakes?

    And don’t get me started on ‘the best thing since sliced bread’… I mean come on, is that the height of human existence. Sliced bread. We have cures for cancer but this (slicing bread action)… that’s gotta stop.

    And ‘a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.’ I don’t mean to be funny… ok, well I do, but have you ever caught a bird in the bush? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say a bird in the hand is worth a lot more than 2 in the bush.

    And don’t get me started on Batman. Is he the worst super-hero ever or what? He hasn’t got any super-powers for a start. He’s just rich with cool gadgets. He’s like James Bond in a cape…

    I’ll be here all night…

  2. skaaptj0p said

    In the army we preferred not to slice our bread loaves so I see your point.
    But then we used them differently.

  3. FirstChild said

    luwie, i can hear the feedback on the mike… Gold.

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