The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for March, 2009

Remember the classics – On Top!

Posted by Laurence on March 31, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by FirstChild

It’s time for regular feature – Remember the classics. The good old days (well apart from the evil apartheid thing), when men were men, and pansy was just the name of a flower (this might be homophobic). Now, I think the first ad that really made an impression on me was the “Cremora ad” … “It’s not inside its oooooon TOP!”. It perplexes me. Why would the coffee be inside the fridge? What was he thinking? Seriously. And, the dude was a bit weird, all that “It’s oooon Top” business. Kinda lucky to be married at all IMHO. Especially wearing that dressing gown thing.

On the other hand, the Black Cat Peanut Butter dude was awesome. “Black belt, huh?” – “uh uh, Black Cut”. That’s right, bitches. Eat your chunky peanut butter and beat up muggers. The dude must be in his 40’s now. Probably got a bit of midlife spread. Just saying. Mmm, I feel like a peanut butter sandwich. Maybe add a little bit of honey or syrup. Perfect for breakfast. Makes a change from my usual All Bran Flakes. Or Frosties. Tony the Tiger notwithstanding. Best soccer I’ve ever seen a Tiger play. Also, the first time I’ve seen a tiger stand on his hind legs. Curious, also, since we don’t get tigers in Africa. Tigers are from Asia. I think in fact that Tony was a Siberian tiger (which weigh up to 306kg). Would be unfair really, to try and tackle him. Also, the pitch was probably a bit smelly when Tony was playing…

“To identify his territory, the male marks trees by spraying of urine and anal gland secretions, as well as marking trails with scat. Males show a grimacing face, called the Flehmen response, when identifying a female’s reproductive condition by sniffing their urine markings.”

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Loyalty Cards

Posted by Carl Schutte on March 30, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by C-Dawg

Am I the only person who thinks that having a loyalty card for every single place you spend money at, is crazy?!

Maybe it’s a sign that I’m earning too much money, but I honestly can’t be bothered with hanging onto all these loyalty cards – I don’t even take them any more.

I’m trying to think what I currently have in my wallet… OK, I’m going to go fetch my wallet – that’ll be easier. Right, I’m back! Let’s see what we have here…

  • Visa Discovery Card
  • Dis-Chem Benefit Card
  • Partners Hair Design for Men

OK, so I don’t have too much beef with the plastic loyalty cards in my wallet.

The one from Partners is a piece of paper, that got given to me the first time I bought some hair wax. I kind of took it and just threw it into my wallet. It gets stamped every time I buy more hair wax – this happens maybe 4 times a year! So, I’ve been carrying this bloody piece of paper in my wallet, for the last couple of years. Quite frankly, it’s just a damn nuisance. It looks like it was taken into a dark alley and had the crap beaten out of it. Each time they stamp it, I think it’s going to fall apart.

Well then, why do I keep this piece of paper in my wallet? It’s like watching a bad movie, reading a bad book or choosing the wrong till queue – you get to a point where you’ve invested so much time & effort, that you just keep going, telling yourself that it’ll get better & all be worth it in the end.

Another favourite of mine was the Kauai smoothie card. I love this – they give you those tiny little stickers, for your tiny little card. Then after like 20 smoothies, you get a free R15 smoothie. R15 for all that effort – no thank you. I tossed that stupid little card into the bin. Now when I buy a smoothie, I still take that little sticker they give me. Then, I try to stick them on people without getting caught. It’s very entertaining when you’re bored. The easy choices are getting people on their back or shoulders, but if you can make direct contact with some skin, that’s like 10 points. Getting somebody on the forehead is like the ultimate prize, but unless your victim is passed out drunk, this is quite tricky. Hmm, maybe I should take these out with me when I go clubbing.

Anyway, the point is, I’m not interested in your stupid loyalty cards, but I don’t mind your tiny little stickers.

C-Dawg going radio silent….

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I wanna work there!!

Posted by lanktank on March 30, 2009


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Fast And The Furious is back baby!

Posted by lanktank on March 29, 2009

I was at the cinema recently, and among most of the rubbish trailers we seem to be having at the moment, there was one little gem…As it started I thought, “No, it can’t be… I must have de ja vu,” but oh no, it was true: Fast And The Furious is back! And not the crappy Tokyo Drift or Toooooo Fast Tooooo Furious, with none of the old school characters. I’m talking about all the originals are back: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez…the list goes on!

Not a movie one would think I genuinely liked but on the contrary I was a serious Fast And The Furious fan. I mean, the acting was appalling but that’s what made it so great. And it was “actors” that were in roles that were appropriate to them. I mean, this is vintage Vin Diesel,  unlike the Pacifier or the Dummy or whatever that load of tripe was he attempted. Stick to what you know Vinny and thank God he came to his senses.

All this excitement about a proper Fast and the Furious sequel, got me thinking of the first movie, and all that choice dialogue they had. Again, you think I’m kidding but the amount of lines I remember from that movie… and how badly they were delivered…amazing. I brought it up while socialising with that couple Dmeister and I do things with and I’m not the only one, turns out, we all have our “Most Favourite Fast And The Furious Line” from the movie.

And there were…

Dmeister’s favourite:

Vin Diesel: I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I’m free.

My favourite:

Vin Diesel: Why don’t you try Fat Burger from now on? You can get yourself a cheese and fries for 2.95, faggot!
Paul Walker: I like the tuna here.
Vin Diesel: Bullshit asshole, no one likes the tuna here!

Baino’s favourite:

Vin Diesel: You almost had me? You never had me – you never had your car… Granny shiftin’ not double clutchin’ like you should. You’re lucky that hundred shot of NOS didn’t blow the welds on the intake! You almost had me?
Extra: You Tell him Dominic. Get out of here
Vin Diesel: Now, me and the mad scientist got to rip apart the block… and replace the piston rings you fried.
[closes bonnet of car]
Vin Diesel: Ask any racer. Any real racer. It don’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning’s winning.
[Crowd cheers in agreement]

Hailstorm’s favourite:

Michelle Rodriguez: I smell
[sniffs air]
Michelle Rodriguez: skanks. Why don’t you girls just pack it up before I leave tread marks on your face?

Others that we liked but wasn’t our all time favourite:

The Techy guy in the movie: Oh shit! We got cops, cops, cops, cops!

Paul Walker: Mia, I’m a cop.
Vin Diesel’s sister in the movie: What are you talking about, Brian?
Paul Walker: Ever since I met you, I’ve been undercover. I’m a cop.
Vin Diesel’s sister in the movie: Oh, you bastard. You bastard!

Fast And the Furious: New Model, Original Parts… oohhh how awesome is that? I’m ssoooooooo in the ticket line already.

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A game for the day

Posted by lanktank on March 27, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by GND

Enjoy this…

A little game to carry you through to the end of Friday.



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Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – Chris Cornell

Posted by lanktank on March 27, 2009

An LT Pick

Oh! I almost forgot to do one this week! Or maybe, I just wanted to distance my post with the Milo post so everyone would just forget about him already! Damn! I just brought it up again. My plan has failed.

Anyway, I thought about this strategically. I had to go for someone different, not an actor but still with that “bad boy” edge to him. I also thought I should go a little older, more mature. Someone who’s experienced the ups and downs of life and come out wiser and even better looking with age.

Or maybe I did none of that and just went with this guy…


He’s pretty, frikkin hot and he’s got that rocker edge to him. I liked Sound Garden and loved Audioslave so automatically the “hot factor” goes up a notch. His solo stuff is pretty cool too.

Chris Cornell – He’s got that something… I’d definitely throw myself at him if I saw him at a bar. I mean, while playing hard to get at the same time… I’m no groupie! (I’m lying)

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Id tap that – Erin Burnett

Posted by Laurence on March 26, 2009

A FirstChild pick

It’s a global credit crisis and recession, in case you hadn’t noticed. And what better than to keep up to date with some pillow talk. That’s right, I cant think of anything better than whispered sweet nothings like, “Can you believe the banks paid out $400bn in dividends and bonuses in the midst of the crisis, that’s where the tax dollars went”. Or “did you see the yield on Treasury’s yesterday?” and “how about where iTraxx (TM) was today”. That’s right, I’m talking about CNBC’s Erin Burnett…

Here she is on the cover of Maxim:

and cute and feisty:

Oh no, look where the Dow is

Oh no, look where the Dow is

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Remember the Classics – The Tex Ad

Posted by lanktank on March 26, 2009

I’m not entirely sure why we remember this one but it is a classic in its own right.

The “Tex Man” driving in the desert, in his Jeep looking very rugged and manly. In a way, kind of like the Camel Man…but possibly even more hardcore.

He’s driving in the middle of nowhere, it’s hot and he’s sweaty, when he passes a massive billboard with a picture of the Tex chocolate, with a bite taken into it. He looks at it as he drives past, stops and reverses back so he’s in front of the poster.

Tex Man stands up in his Jeep, whips out a SHOT GUN and shoots a number of bullets into the middle of the Tex chocolate bar.

Because that’s the way the Tex chocolate rolls; holes in the middle of the bar! And that’s the way “Tex People” roll.

He was so cool and that made Tex cool. Have I forgotten any part of the advert? I just remember it was cool.

A good question here of course would be; Why was there a Tex Billboard out in the middle of nowhere? I mean, one pays quite a hefty some of money to advertise on those things and considering the traffic out there in the desert isn’t very high, I just don’t think it was in Tex’s best interests. And, the air bubbles in the chocolate, weren’t in the picture! Talk about being ripped off by your graphic designers and printers! Thank God for the rugged Jeep man who just happened to be carrying a shotgun! Otherwise, your Tex would just look like any other standard chocolate, and that’s just bad advertising.

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Poll results for March for I’d Tap That

Posted by lanktank on March 25, 2009

So the votes are in! It was all pretty close but it looks like Kate Beckinsale has taken the cake! (Although she probably didn’t eat it, because you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Also with a body like hers, I doubt her personal trainer would allow her to even have a third of the cake).

Congrats to C-Dawg, who picked this beauty… it’s 1-nil to him guys, you other three better up your game. Oh! For all you “numbers and figures” people out there, she won by 40% of the vote.

In the meantime, the “Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed” poll for March is up… so go to the Take Your Pick page and get a-votin’ although I think it’s safe to say GND has this one in the bag with Milo from Heroes….that picture was a gem find. Biyatch!

But we don’t decide, you decide…just like in SA Idols… although in that case, can anyone say: “Maybe, possibly, just might be, rigged?”

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Wedding Watching

Posted by lanktank on March 24, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by Kappie

Last Saturday LT, D-Meister and I had a wedding out in Franschoek. Knowing the drive was long and that we didn’t have a place to stay, Kappie decided to step up to the plate and drive.

It felt good…surprisingly. All I did was just sit back, relax and enjoy all the other peoples’ antics. There were some good ones, but first off straight after the wedding a small toddler… yes, toddler, needed to be fed and the mother was not shy to feed it in front of everyone at the reception. Now, I’m all for boobs, but there’s something mildly uncomfortable about a boob being used for what it was originally designed for. This of course didn’t stop a snappy guest trying to steal a photo of this natural happening, but all that came out was some blurry people constantly getting in the way…not that I took the photo or anything.

Moving on to the starter at the dinner table, I had no idea what to make of it. There were some weird looking leaves that looked like they were picked from my garden in a salad slash biltong dish. Not to mention a ball of doughy stuff as well as a soup bowl the size of a shooter glass that I thought was salad dressing. To top it, there was some actual corn flakes; you can imagine my surprise when there was no milk and sugar.

Other than that, the wedding was really great. The beer was flowing (although I had no part of it) and then the dance-floor opened up. This is when things got tricky for some. The DJ’s mistake was when he had drums, shakers and tambourines and let everyone play with them to the music. This turned mainly into interpretative dance because no one had good rhythm or coordination and you know things are getting bad when D-Meister is trying to coach someone on the drums. Just when the dance-floor was getting at its busiest, a secretive guest decided to let rip with the vilest smelling fart I have ever smelt dispersed itself among us. I thought the roof of the building was going to fly off.

After much more dancing and gassing, the time had come to make the long trip home. Loading LT and D-Meister in the car only took 30 minutes and as soon as LT hit the seat she was fast asleep. D-Meister was a trooper until he found the seat-belt, made a pretty good semi-hammock with it and fell asleep with his body leaning forward while the seat belt caught and supported him.And there he rocked.

This left me with only one thing to do; sing…

On the road again. Oh, I just can’t wait to be on the road again…

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