The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Driveway Incident 2

Posted by lanktank on March 1, 2009

It happened again… Well, it’s happened a few times since my last beef about it but this is the only one worth mentioning: Big, fancy driving car A-Hole parked in front of my driveway… again.

So Dmeister is moving, he bought a new TV and didn’t know what to do with his old one. Since I happen to like television and don’t have one in my room (not like everyone does but I want one), I offered to take it off his hands…for now anyway.

He agreed and put the TV into my car for me. Before I departed into the sunset, he called out to me and said, “Take good care of her!” And I promised that I would.

The drive home felt like a long one. I kept looking in the rear view mirror to check if it was OK, like a baby strapped into its little car seat. If only they made “TV on Board” stickers too! As I turned the corner into my road, I could already see it in the distance… BMW X3 fuck-ing-wank-shit-arse… parked in front of my driveway. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????

What did I do in my past life, I ask you? Maybe I used to pinch small babies or throw stones at peasants and now, this is my payback. Well haven’t I suffered enough?

With temperatures rising I looked for another place to park. But there was nowhere. It’s peak shopping times and I couldn’t even find a pavement to ramp (not that I’m condoning one illegal parking activity with another). I end up parking around the block, down the road and now I’m in a predicament.

The TV…I can’t leave it in the car. I live in a relatively common smash and grab area and considering this isn’t my television, I wasn’t prepared to risk it. But it’s so heavy. The original idea was to park in my driveway and leave it in my car, behind closed walls and wait for a more burly person than myself to carry it up the 3 flights of stairs for me. This idea was now out the window.

After much debate, I decided to attempt to carry it. This was not an easy task. This TV is old school and has a huge back part which I could barely hang on to. I managed to waddle a few steps, then pause… another few steps…then I cursed… just a few more steps… but oh no, I’m about to drop this thing…I’m now outside my driveway and guess who decides to return to his BMW X3 fuck-ing-wank-shit-arse… mobile? He sees me – red-faced, sweating, angry and in panic because I’m about to drop this TV thereby smashing it all over the pavement – pauses and then climbs into his car.

Was I going to let this moment pass me by? I think not…

LT: Excuse me? (He doesn’t notice) EXCUSE ME!

(He stops in his tracks; door is half open and turns around)

X3 A-hole: Are you talking to me?

LT: Yes, I am. You’ve parked in my driveway. Do you know that’s illegal?

X3 A-hole: I actually don’t have time for this.

(Who the Ef does he think he is, he doesn’t have time to apologise for being a donkey cock but he has enough time to turn around and say, “I don’t have time for this.”)

LT: Well, let’s make time-

X3 A-hole: No, the hairdresser said I could park here so this isn’t my fault.

(Oh I see a real emergency then. This is why you just HAD to park in an undesignated area. Because you were in the hair salon, getting highlights)

LT: (fingers are slipping, TV is falling but it feels good to release this anger) But the hairdresser doesn’t live here do they? The hairdresser is 15 metres away from this driveway so you knew they didn’t live here and, since when is a hairdresser also an expert on the laws of traffic and rules of the road?

(Silence)

LT: Now the least you could do is carry this TV for me.

X3 A-hole: What?

LT: The TV, I’m going to drop it, please carry it.

X3 A-hole: I’m in a rush!

LT: I think we’ve established that I don’t care.

X3 A-hole: AAAaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

And although he yelled, he still got out the car, grabbed the TV from me and carried it up all three flights of stairs… screaming the entire way. It actually cracked me up so much that I walked backed down the stairs with him and I waved him goodbye.

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5 Responses to “Driveway Incident 2”

  1. Captain Awesome said

    It was me i told him he could park there.
    during cricket and rugby games i auction off your driveway as secure parking from R50 upwards!

  2. Skaaptjop said

    Why would he refer to you then as “his hairdresser”?

  3. Girl Next Door said

    that’s what they call butty-boys these days. it’s sweet really.

  4. C-Dawg said

    I always thought it was batty-boys???

    Unfortunately this isn’t something I want to Google at work…

  5. Girl Next Door said

    you’re a batty boy

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