The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Gymming Techniques

Posted by lanktank on March 18, 2009

I was at the gym last week – wow, there’s a sentence you don’t hear come out my mouth too often – but I was, believe it or not. Those who know me are going to choose not but I assure you it was true. I felt somewhat inspired, to get into shape last week, so I scraped the dust off the old membership card and went on my way. If only the inspiration had continued to this current week but alas.

Anyway, I was at the gym last week, and I noticed 3 things:

1. The Gym Instructor was fat – Now I’m not one to discriminate but surely, if you’re selling a service and in this case it is: a client pays you to instruct them on how to get fit and lose weight; you really should be living proof that it works. What other bases do people have to go on? As shallow as this sounds. And she wasn’t a little chubby, she was a porker. The first thing people are thinking is, “if she can’t keep herself in shape, how will she get me in shape?” Maybe she is good at what she does and knows all the secret methods of gym techniques but likes to carry some extra baggage around? Unfortunately, people are judgmental mother effers and we don’t think like that.

2. My right arm is longer that my left – I mentioned this in a previous post and I think it’s true. I was busy busting some dumbbells in the weights section (I know, it just gets more absurd) because when I’m older saggy arms actually scares me more than saggy boobs, when I noticed this abnormality. I look skew! I dropped the weights in my panic (the 80 year old man benching 40kg’s in comparison to my 4 was displeased) and went in search of a tape measure. The gym didn’t have one, how bizarre! So as I left I made a, “what kind of gym is this” remark and preceded home on my pursuit to find a measuring device of sorts. ***

3. There was a couple there, working out together, both still in high school… I’m pretty sure. She was not the most attractive girl (I’m taking into account the C-Dawg point system and she still only fairs a 5) whereas the guy, although unaware of it, was very good looking. Not right at this moment but give him a year, maybe two, once he has figured out to let his hair just “do its own thing” and once he’s grown into his body just a little more, he’ll be a serious contender in the hot guy market.

But this is the admirable point: She knows this. She’s foreseen this, decided to pursue him now, while he’s not getting the attention from the ladies as he deserves, so in 2 years time when he becomes one of the hotties on campus, she would have been dating him all that time, and by that stage he’ll be whipped. She would have been knocking at his self-esteem, or they’ll be so in the comfort zone that he’ll be blind to the fact there are girls WAY hotter than his girlfriend who want to date him.

And well done to her. It’s a win/win situation. She either gets to continue dating hot boyfriend throughout university OR, even if he does dump her,  by default she stays in that higher “hot people’s” league because you don’t go down to grade 6 once you’ve passed matric…. you know what I’m saying?

And she deserves this because she managed to figure this out while she was only 16. Most girls don’t get to realise this until it’s too late and you’re already placed in your league category before you even had a chance to attend try outs. So, to all the unattractive girls out there…. find that quiet guy in high school, the one in the corner who seems a little misunderstood. That’s the guy you should be going after… he’s probably a nicer person too.

Just a little observation… not saying it’s the law.

** But back to my ARM dillema! I couldn’t find a tape measure at my house so I went all the way to Dmeister and Baino’s place, and you won’t believe what I found out… TO BE CONTINUED

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3 Responses to “Gymming Techniques”

  1. Skaaptjop said

    …or in 2 years Gym Boy wisens up to the fact that the rampant totty barking outside his screen door wants to be let in. He resists coyly at first but alcohol, being the God Given Leveler of All Things that it is, comes into play one night. He slips, falls and his tongue lands in lap of some pretty young thing. It gets easier from there. His confidence grows, he becomes more self aware. Eventually he dumps her because she’s not looking after herself properly and is thereby not taking their relationship seriously enough and is just using him blah blah fishpaste. Balance is restored. She can no longer work at the same gym around him and is left destitute. The pain is too much. Her friends tell her she’ll bounce back and will find another guy but deep down inside she knows the truth.
    Later in life she collects cats, crochettes tea doilies and waters her potplants with a small green watering can.

    omg. I’m her!

  2. LT said

    LOL. That is true Skaaptjop, balance is always restored.

  3. Luwie said

    I simply reckon she puts out. When he’s older and everyone more willingly puts out, he’ll dump her ass and get a hotter chick. Simple.

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