The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

My arm! My arm! Continued…

Posted by lanktank on March 19, 2009

So I arrive at Dmeister and Baino’s place and they’re busy hanging up a curtain rail. Dmeister had the drill and Baino was aligning the rail. What a team effort. Not so much by me. I kind of sat at the kitchen counter and heckled them on.

Once they were wrapping up, I asked Dmeister if he could measure my arms for me with the tape measure. He refused, claiming he was still busy drilling or aligning or whatever else goes on with putting up a curtain rail. I think the real reason was that he didn’t want the affirmation that he’s dating an unequaled arm length freak show of a girlfriend.

So Baino had to step up to the plate. He suggested that this all might be an overreaction of some kind by me and that any difference, if any, would be minimal.. possibly a millimetre, maybe two. Although I tried to be comforted by those words, I wasn’t and insisted he measured anyway.

So he did. The right arm went first… coming out with a measurement of a lengthy 76 centimetres.

Next up was the left arm. Nerves were high, emotions were tense but it was the slight pause before he revealed to me the results that was the answer in itself. The moment when both he and I knew that there was no millimetre difference, not even the “God forbid” two millimetre difference… but rather… a two centimetre difference!

That’s right, my left arm is 74 centimetres! Two freaking centimetres less, how did I not notice this before? That’s a huge difference; people win gold medals at the Olympics for less than a two centimetre difference.

What has become of me? How will I walk the streets again? Is this just me, or maybe we all have a two centimetre difference between our arms? Don’t you want to measure for me? Please, I urge you all. Measure your arms and tell me the results! Even if it’s not what I want to hear, I must know.

Now all I do the whole day is place stationery in front of me and watch my right arm casually grab the sharpener while my left struggles to even snick it with the tip of its middle finger.


3 Responses to “My arm! My arm! Continued…”

  1. Luwie said

    Sorry we didn’t point it out before, LT… it’s kind of like a person with a glass eye… you don’t make fun about it to the person’s face.

    If it’s any consolation, 76cm is a good length of arm… not too long, not too short… just right.

  2. Skaaptjop said

    > “How will I walk the streets again?”

    Possibly with one set of knuckles dragging on the tarmac and the other clutching a shopping bag? An orange drops out and rolls under a car while you stop and stare curiously at it before losing interest and harassing a bus-stop.

  3. Awesome said

    I thought u knew from the first time u went to swimming lessons.All the other kids were swimming up and down where u were put in the corner swimming in circles…?
    Even later on in life when we used to hit Conties and you used to wear your watch on your right arm, you used to get home and the face of your watched was all scratched?

    Does this mean you can take part in the Special Olympics?

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