The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for April, 2009

Voting time…April needs winners

Posted by lanktank on April 30, 2009


The polls are up on the Take Your Pick page. I’m not sure who’s going to take it this month!

I definitely know my poor Emile will come nowhere. GND does have The Johnny on her side too…

Guys, for “I’d tap that” could be a tight race, although again, you never know.

Get a votin’ people, we need winners!

Speaking of winners… Idol’s final this weekend I heard. Who we routing for here? Jason?

Another long weekend guys…. God! How brutal is next week’s 5 day week going to be? I’m already feeling a flu of sorts coming down… maybe swine?

Enjoy these 3 days…. with long weeks ahead, recession and winter… these 3 days are all we’re going to have to look back on and smile for a while… make the most of them.

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Airport Baggage

Posted by lanktank on April 30, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by Kappie

Over the long weekend I had a friend, Monkey, stay with me from out of town. I thought I’d show him the ropes, but having recently heard the saying, ‘Give a man enough rope and he’ll hang himself,’ made me forget that.

Anyway, ropes aside, when it came time for him to return home, I drove him to the airport. Upon arriving at the ticket counter a man walked up to us and asked where Monkey was going. We told him and it just so happened that his daughter, not a bad looking girl, was going the same way. The man asked politely if Monkey could say that his daughter’s small blue bag was his and carry it on the plane for them because the daughter was over her weight…and her luggage weight too. We gladly accepted without any thought and checked the bag as Monkey’s.

“Do you know you’ve just committed a security breach?”

Looking up, we see the ticket ‘master’ isn’t looking too happy with us. Time for our game faces.

“Um, what?”

“That bag you just took from that person. It isn’t yours and you don’t know what’s in it.”



And that was pretty much it. He checked it in anyway without further questions.

We had a good 20 minutes to kill before Monkey had to board so we took a seat and started discussing what could be in the bag.

Monkey: “It won’t be drugs, nothing ever happens where I come from.”

Kappie: “Yeah, it’s probably just a whole bunch of panties.”

Monkey: “Probably.”

Kappie: “Bet you gonna sniff em.”

Monkey: “Haha! Maybe if there were Minki’s panties I would.”

Kappie: “Hell yeah. Oh man, the things I’d do to that girl.”

Monkey: “Let’s just say it would be illegal in most countries.”

High five!

Well you get the general idea of how the conversation was going. Midway through this ‘boys-only’ talk, I look up and see the daughter walking in our direction with her mother and straight past us to her father who was sitting directly behind us. We were sharing the back-rest of our chairs and didn’t even notice him. Needless to say he got straight up, put his hand on his daughter and wife and ushered them away.

Kappie: “You think he heard us?”

Monkey: “Yip, how could he not have?”

Kappie: “Okay, well have a safe trip and don’t be afraid to try score with the daughter on the flight.”

Another high five!

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I’d tap that – Marina Orlova

Posted by Carl Schutte on April 29, 2009

This is a C-Dawg pick

Marina Orlova

Who is Marina Orlova? She’s 28 and she’s a philologist! Now you might be asking what the heck is a philologist? Well, it’s someone who studies linguistics and etymology.. and in Marina’s case.. she has applied her Philology degrees to specializing in word origins.

Marina has two degrees – Teaching of Russian Language and World Literature Specializing in Philology and the Teaching of English Language Specializing in Philology from State University of Nizhni Novgorod Region in Russian Federation, graduated 2002 and taught English to high school students for 2 years.

I’m sure the pillow talk will be quite stimulating…

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The hypothetical: Jack vs Jason

Posted by lanktank on April 29, 2009

If Jack Bauer and Jason Bourne got into a fight, who would win and why?

LT: I’m going with Jack – don’t get me wrong Jason Bourne knows how to whip some ass but Jack is old school and I’ve also watched more episodes of 24. I’ve sat through every single season and watched as Jack lost his wife, got disowned by his daughter, let’s not forget the Chinese kidnapping and anyone else remember the heroine addiction fiasco? I’m emotionally invested. Jason only had the trilogy. I mean, they were awesome, but I have to go on commitment here and on that, Jack wins.

C-Dawg: Jason Bourne will win, but Jack Bauer might make him cry a little. While women constantly try to get involved with Jason, he knows there’s no place for them in his life – they’re just a liability. Jack, on the other hand, has loved ones, and loved ones can be used as bargaining chips. Jason has nothing to lose, besides, this time it’s personal…

Kappie: First things first: What are Jason and Jack fighting about? A girl? The last piece of bacon at breakfast? A map to Osama’s lair to stop him once and for all? Also, Jack would have a team of experts with him that could lend a hand, whereas Jason works alone and would have no support. Jason would probably be more well trained in fighting and weaponry though and could probably finish a fight in less than 24 hours.

It really comes down to whoever gets the first punch in because one punch could start and end the fight… just depends on how much either of them love bacon.

GND: Jason Bourne is hotter. Jason Bourne wins.

Dmeister: I’m going to have to go with Jason Bourne. Firstly Jack Bauer’s got the whole emotional issue, he’s daughter doesn’t speak to him, his wife’s dead and he used to be drug addict. On top of that he’s been tortured and beaten more times than anyone can remember (That’s got to affect your reflexes). Jason Bourne on the other hand doesn’t get beaten, he does the beating. He doesn’t have any real attachments except maybe just one lucky lady and on top of that he’s doesn’t have a past that’s going to haunt him emotionally seeing that he can’t remember anything.

But saying that Jason doesn’t want to kill anymore and Jack pretty much kills everyone even people he likes. So Jason wins the hand to hand, but if it comes down to killing Jack’s the man.
FirstChild: This is difficult. My feeling is that Jason is smarter, and will outwit jack. That said, is this a season where Jack has the help of Chloe and Tony Almeida? Then I would favour Jack.

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Top 10 Break-Up Clichés – what do they really mean?

Posted by lanktank on April 27, 2009

We’ve said them and we’ve heard them but what do they really mean? This is the unwritten code, “Da Vinci style” for the following break-up clichés:

Break-Up Cliché 1: I think we should just be friends.
Really means: I never want to see you again. If I don’t want to sleep with you anymore, I don’t want to hang out with you anymore.

Break-Up Cliché 2:
It’s not you, it’s me.
Really means: Of course it’s you. I know me; I love me, why would I suddenly not want to be around me?

Break-Up Cliché 3:
You deserve more.
Really means: I’ve lost a bit of weight, got a new haircut and people have noticed. I think I can do better.

Break-Up Cliché 4: I think we should take a break.
Really means: I’m going to go out and hook up with randoms, scope out the new dating scene and hopefully find someone better than you but if not, in a couple of weeks, suggest that we get back together, knowing that we will inevitably break-up again.

Break-Up Cliché 5: I see us more as friends than as a couple.
Really means: I am not attracted to you in the slightest. Seriously, my Aunt Matilda has more sex appeal to me than you ever will.

Break-Up Cliché 6: Maybe if we had met at a different time?
Really means: Maybe if you’d given more head?

Break-Up Cliché 7: Maybe if things weren’t so complicated?
Really means: Maybe if you’d given some head?

Break-Up Cliché 8:
I’m just not ready for a relationship…
Really means: With you. I will never date you… ever. Even if- no, no, no: Never.

Break-Up Cliché 9: I’m not emotionally available right now.
Really means: I like having sex with you but not the talking, cuddling, having to be monogamous to you parts. If I don’t have to do any of that, I will continue sleeping with you when it suits me, until you predictably want more and I will remind you of the “emotional unavailability disorder” I have and point out that this is really all your fault.

Break-Up Cliché 10: I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.
Really means: In fact I don’t know if, thinking back on it all, I ever did?

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Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – Denzel Washington

Posted by lanktank on April 24, 2009

An LT pick

Due to the last few guy choices we’ve made recently, the feeling seems to be that our title should change from “Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed,” to “Guy I would get arrested for.”

Funny? Yes, but  not exactly what we we’re going for. Besides, after Michael Cera (who is adorable! As well as a comic genius) and that cute guy West from Heroes Season 2, who would we really have left? So, to steer away from this particular angle, I’ve decided to pick an older, more experienced but still oh so yummy man (not boy…MAN!).

The chosen one; none other than Denzel Washington. That smile! I’m not sure what it is about his mouth but it’s so charming. I think it’s because he has a slight overbite but it’s not geeky, it’s endearing. And the man can act. I mean, Training Day, American Gangster, The Pelican Brief, Crimson Tide…these are good movies, no?

He’s pretty tall, I think 6’0, still looking in good shape and those eyes! He is gorgeous.

So we go for the older men too, not just the young-ins …. and no comments now about making this “Guy I would move to an old age home for.”

Although if Denzel was moving there…


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What to say

Posted by lanktank on April 24, 2009

What to say, what to say…

This has been a useless week I know!

But the madness that occurred has been abundant…

Friend from Jo’burg has arrived.

Work has decided to have sex with me up the arse and give me 13 deadlines for the end of next week! Eh hem, we have two public holidays that week, do they know this? Not that I’m complaining about the holidays. Good God no!

Voting… who’s queue was long? I had to wait…. like in a line. And then the lady smothered my entire thumb with that ink! Friend from Jo’burg got a light dab on the tip of her nail. I have a mark so large it looks like an infection has spread to the joint of my thumb and it needs to be amputated immediately.

Ok, I know I’m always talking about the weather and some people may think that is lame but I mean come on! One day it’s freakin boiling and then the next Mother Nature decides, “You know what? Fuck you Cape Town, with your sunny weather and your warm beaches, not to mention your happy smiles and free-flowing dresses… I’m bringing winter early this year…OVERNIGHT!” It’s like literally a switch was flicked and now we live in darkness. I had to wake up 20 minutes earlier this morning – it was so dark, I wanted to vomit.

I have to go watch IPL this Saturday – predicted to rain! Superb.

I have “Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed” coming up later today… let’s hope it’s not another butchering like poor Emile…

Have a lekker lank naweek mense.

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Id tap that – Padma Lakshmi

Posted by Laurence on April 23, 2009

This is a FirstChild pick

It’s Indian Premier League time in South Africa, and so it’s time to embrace our love for all things indian. Which brings us to our next “I’d tap that”. Of course I’m talking about celebrity reality tv chef host and former wife of author Salman Rushdie, Padma Lakshmi. What’s there to say: she’s hot, she cooks, she dates guys who write books. And, importantly, she has a degree (A BA in theatre arts). But in case you need more convincing, here she is in action. Im hungry. I could use a burger.

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Wingsuit Jumping

Posted by Girl Next Door on April 23, 2009

This bog entry was brought to you by GND

Watched this last night and thought you might enjoy it…

Australian doctor Glenn Singleman jumped from 37,000 feet over central Australia setting a world record for highest wingsuit jump.

An LT note: This is frikkin sick! I was sceptical when GND selected it but oh no, it is cool. Check it out….. totally worth it!

Watch Out: FirstChild’s “I’d tap that”  – Later this afternoon…

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Lank Tank Announcement

Posted by lanktank on April 22, 2009

The Lank Tank would like to apologise for all the links and video posts they are putting up this week. We are aware these are not articles per se… however due to all these public holidays this month, there’s been little time to produce something of substance… we’re being lazy in other words.

But I can at least assure you the links and videos we’re recommending are worth checking out… it’s not like the talking parrot fiasco. In fact there is not one parrot in the lot of them. I can guarantee you that much.

Hang in there with us! We’re alive and around!

Happy Voting Day!

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