The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Help for C-Dawg?

Posted by lanktank on April 3, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by Kappie

It’s Kappie time again. I know what you’re all thinking…okay so I don’t. Well, except for maybe C-Dawg. He’s thinking: “How do I smell a girl’s hair without it being seen as weird?”

Well, I’m glad you asked that question C-Dawg because I have proclaimed myself as your helper in love. I know, you don’t have to thank me. Here are some tips Jimbo and I conjured up on our many travels to far distant lands such as Hermanus, Durbanville, Claremont and yes, even the depths of Bothasig.

The first piece of information I have managed to obtain is that I have no idea what women want so why bother trying to figure it out. Just go out there and give it horns. I have no doubt this will make less sense later.

Secondly, if a girl is wearing red shoes it DOES NOT mean she is wearing no underwear. Whoever said that must have been talking about a girl who had nothing on but red shoes. Besides I saw Jimbo’s mom wearing red shoes and she DID have underwear on.

Thirdly, a girl hates being called by the wrong name upon meeting her, but it does give you some extra time of her talking to you even if it might just be insults and the occasional slap. There’s no such thing as bad publicity or something like that. This too will make less sense to you young grasshopper.

Fourthly, no one likes Kenny-G.

Fifthly, I conducted an informal consensus one day and asked every girl I saw if they liked guys opening doors for them and I didn’t get a single yes. I even suggested a guy opening a car door for a girl in the pouring rain and they STILL said they wouldn’t like it. So now when I get into trouble if I don’t open a door for a girl. Refer to the third paragraph.

Sixthly, if you have a friend like Jimbo, introduce your girl to him as an absolute last resort.

Seventhly… seventhly doesn’t seem to sound like an actual English word. Maybe if I wrote it like this: 7thly. No, now it doesn’t look right.

8thly, if you dress smart to impress a girl, you better have the money to carry on impressing her. Something about a guy having to stay after dinner to clean dishes seems to put a damper on the date. I mean it only happened once but they hold a grudge.

Ninthly, Wow, have a look at the word ‘ninthly!’ Looks like it should be pronounced nin-th-ly, that doesn’t even make sense. Anyway, girls don’t like it when you seem to get distracted.

Tenthly, And this one is important: If a girl likes or doesn’t like you, you’ll probably be the last to know. But not to worry C-Dawg, there’s plenty of drunk girls in dodgy pubs who won’t even remember you when they wake up the next morning. HIGH 5!!!

This ends my first ten step self-help program. Now run and be free!


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5 Responses to “Help for C-Dawg?”

  1. Luwie said

    I think they were testing you with the whole open doors thing. Of course they want you to open the door. It’s like that whole them-saying-no-when-they-actually-mean-yes. It’s all just a test.

  2. Kappie said

    A test? There a book, video, casette or pictures that I can learn from?

  3. Jimbo said

    i think we should take C-Dawg under our wing for a week, more as a trial run. to see if he can be trusted as a wingman.
    Things he should sccomplished during this week.

    – A boobie shot from stranger.normally without consent.
    – Good game a innocent passerby
    – Spill your beer over a lady or group of ladies. its a good way to break the ice.
    – cut infront of a woman at a bar, they love it when u make them feel independant
    – finally if u get, or should i say when u get a girl, pull her friend. they like it when there is competition.

    Kappie and i are proof that methods like these work!
    HIGH 5 !

    if all else fails start hitting the brandy hard!

  4. C-Dawg said

    Firstly, you didn’t tell me how to smell a girl’s hair.

    Secondly, do you guys know who you talking to…
    Can I be trusted as wingman?
    I was doing flybys & engaging MiG back when you lads were still sitting down on the toilet to take a piss.

    Thirdly, the kind of behaviour you boys are advocating is likely to get you thrown out of the academy and flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong!

  5. Kappie said

    Firstly, we didn’t tell you how to smell a girl’s hair yet because you aren’t ready for it.

    Secondly, there is nothing wrong with sitting down and taking a pee.

    Thirdly, our kind of behaviour is going to get us a cargo plane full of girls from Hong Kong.

    Peace out.

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