The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Taglines

Posted by Carl Schutte on April 7, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by C-Dawg

OK, so I was just on IMDb – I often just end up there. In fact, one night I went out – 10 tequila shots later and the next thing I remember is I’m waking up at my computer on the IMDb home page. True story!

Anyway, I was checking a few movie taglines when I stumbled across the one for

Gladiator:

“Father of a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife and I shall have my vengeance in this life or the next”

Am I the only person who thinks that that’s closer to a mini-biography than a tagline?! Thanks for your life story Russel Crowe… and no, you’re not getting another Oscar… ever!

I’m going to Google around and see what other lousy taglines I can find…

Marked for Death:

“In Above the Law, he got tough; In Hard to Kill, he got even; Now the man with the short fuse is… Marked For Death”

I love the way they summarise the whole trilogy for you…

Above the Law:

“He was a covert agent trained in Vietnam. He has a master 6th degree black belt in Aikido… and family in the Mafia. He’s a cop with an attitude.”

Actually, there may be more to Above the Law than meets the eye, but probably not much more than in the tagline…

Silent Rage:

“He’s an indestructible man fused with powers beyond comprehension. An unstoppable terror who in one final showdown, will push Chuck Norris to his limits. And beyond.”

I’m speechless, I’m without speech…

Barbarella:

“Who seduces an angel? Who strips in space? Who conveys love by hand? Who gives up the pill? Who takes sex to outer space? Who’s the girl of the 21st century? Who nearly dies of pleasure?”

Now this sounds like an interesting movie, doesn’t it?

OK, I’m off to go do a flyby – catch you later…

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10 Responses to “Taglines”

  1. Skaaptjop said

    Driving Miss Daisy:
    He was man in over his head. She was a woman driven to the edge… of the driveway.

  2. FirstChild said

    “The Dentist 2: You know the drill.”

    “Dr. Caine, the murdering dentist from the original movie, has escaped from the mental hospital where he has been since being caught…”

    I also recall once seeing a “Dentist 2: Brace yourself”

  3. Skaaptjop said

    The Sound of Music:
    “The Happiest Sound In All The World!”

    I’m not sure that’s all that accurate.

  4. Kappie said

    “He was a man who never knew anything, except the one thing that could save the world. The truth was…he had three balls”
    ‘Jimbo trilogy’
    coming soon…

  5. LT said

    Lord of the Rings: “One ring to rule them all, One ring to find them, One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.”

    Oh Sorry! You guys are doing movies based on fiction… nevermind.

    C-Dawg, I liked Gladiator… just me?

  6. C-Dawg said

    I liked Gladiator the movie.

    I just think the tagline is a bit lame and Russel Crowe is a bit of a tool.

  7. DMeister said

    Where can I get a copy of Barbarella, I want to see how she nearly dies of pleasure. My Kind of movie.

  8. C-Dawg said

    Phew, that scene had me on the edge of my seat…

    Barbarella overloads a torture device (called the Excessive Machine) which kills through sexual pleasure.

    A remake of Barbarella is currently being planned; according to Elle magazine, McGowan has been cast in the title role.

  9. Jimbo said

    Kappie conveys love by hand?
    does that make him Barbarella?

  10. C-Dawg said

    No, that just makes Kappie a menace to himself.

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