The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for June, 2009

What’s It Gonna Be?

Posted by lanktank on June 30, 2009

Yoshida from The Hangver is in this….and hysterical.

The other guy is Mike O’ Connell and he cracks me up too.

Perhaps not for the office if you have loud speakers and the boss can hear what’s playing on your PC… or Mac…no discrimination here.

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Remember The Classics – Sta-soft

Posted by lanktank on June 30, 2009

One of the few adverts where I could find the kid bearable to listen to. You remember the ad; it’s when the little boy told us the 5 reasons why we should buy Sta-soft.

Reason 1 to 3, I couldn’t tell you if my parent’s dog, Robbie’s life depended on it but it was the 4th and 5th reasons that made the advert a classic:

Little Boy: “And four; It’s strong, reeeeally strong!” As he says this he jumps onto the Sta-soft tube and guess what? It doesn’t break!!!  WOW! Unbelievable!

Ok, aside from the fact that I wasn’t aware a great selling point for fabric softener (so great in fact, that it’s labelled the 4th best reason to buy the product) is that the packaging has to be “jumping up and down on it” proof; it was only a 7 year old boy who jumped on it. After we saw that advert, what was the first thing we all wanted to try? Jumping on it! And my friend Jeff did, in the supermarket: One stomp and fabric softener liquid, shot across the entire aisle, leaving all involved a little messy and self-humiliated.

I miss Jeff….A-hole.

Little Boy: “And five! It’s 80% less plastic.”

I don’t know why I remember that point but I do. I think it’s because it came directly after reason four.

Sta-soft: The only fabric softener I can name and it’s because of that ad, ergo, vis-à-vis making it a classic.

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National Sports

Posted by Carl Schutte on June 29, 2009

This post was brought to you by C-Dawg

Apparently the bikini competition is Brazil’s national sport. All this time I thought it was soccer…

Personally I don’t like their soccer team much, but these bikini girls are a completely different story.

Well, hopefully you all learnt something new here today. Lank Tank – educating the masses since 2008!

Bikini Competition

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Update on a not so eventful life…

Posted by lanktank on June 29, 2009

That would be my life…

DMeister has a mutant mosquito in his room (in winter!!) and it attacked my face, shoulder, shin and finger! Do you know how frustrating it is to have an itchy bite on your finger? You can’t scratch it properly. It either hurts too much or it’s completely numb.

MJ is dead, so is Farrah Fawcett. How many Michael Jackson songs have you heard since Friday morning? I think I’m on 38.

Bafana didn’t win to Spain, but what a game. How was that free kick to equalise to 2-2?

The Boks played a great game against the Lions….and by great, I mean we won! IN YOUR FACE LIONS! Too harsh?

I lost my favourite hair clip.

I ate dodgy calamari before going to see Star Trek. I actually wanted to see Transformers but it was sold out. Star Trek was cool, worth a watch for sure.

It’s probably the first sunny day we’ve had in 3 weeks and I’m sitting in my room with nothing to do.

LOSER I am!

Marvelous, now I’m talking like Yoda… officially losing my mind.

I’d like to apologise for this possibly being the worst post I have ever published. (Yes, there have been worse posts written but not published).

Maybe Will Ferrell will cheer us up:

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The death of football

Posted by lanktank on June 26, 2009

This entry was brought to you by DMeister

The basis of my article is on the game between USA and Spain. USA being the USA and Spain being the European champions.
 
Now before I start I just want to state that there’s nothing wrong with America. They just do things differently. Don’t get me wrong, America is the pioneer of many great things: iPhones, iPods, iMacs (they seem to like the letter i, maybe they invented that too?),  “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country,” Country Music (I’m sure they’re sorry about that), the Radio (to play Country music), Cindy Crawford and Corndogs…. but football, it’s the one thing, they didn’t have!

I always said that the day America start winning at football is the day the game begins a slow decline, well maybe not decline but a slow change to something else. I know you’re all thinking I’m being a little on the negative side. And you’re all probably right, I hope.

I’ve always thought of America as the country that’s pretty much good at anything and everything, not because they’re naturally athletic or have the passion, but merely because of the fact that they have the financial backing and sheer numbers to get the job done.

But I could always rest safe in the fact that there were some things that even money couldn’t buy; like a good football team. But now that theory seems to be slowly going out the window and that’s pretty much proven with the USA victory.

I can already envision the “Americanisation” of football: There’ll be cheerleaders and monster trucks before the start of the game. Suddenly American players salaries will double ensuring that all the good players of the world leave for a spot in the American soccer league. Huge billboards, flashing lights, adverts at half time will cost small fortunes. And let’s not
forget all the marriage proposals that will be made over the big screen. The list is endless. Don’t get me wrong, these things are fine for Baseball or American Football(because they don’t interest me) but not for a sport where variations of it have been played as far back as 2,000 B.C.!

I suppose our only hope now rests on the Brasilian team. They need to destroy the American team. Not just so they win the tournament but to save the rest of us. Brasil will be our allied attack on Normandy. They will be the first wave of attack that will destroy the US’s hopes and save football for us all. So what we need is a 3 – 0 thrashing. Thus
liberating the rest of us and in the process making South Africa look better. Seeing as we only lost 1-0, in the dying minutes of the game.

Good luck Brasil!

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What’s Worse?

Posted by lanktank on June 26, 2009

Going to a public bathroom and sitting on a freezing cold toilet seat or a luke warm one?

Getting dumped in a restaurant or getting dumped over sms?

Finding a fly in your soup or a really long, thick hair?

Having your eyebrows shaved off or a missing front tooth for a week?

Finding out your partner is cheating on you with your best friend or your sybling?

Wet socks or dry feet that are dirty?

Drinking a full glass of human urine or just a small bite of puppy poo?

Feeling queasy…happy weekend!

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Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – Freddie Ljungberg

Posted by lanktank on June 25, 2009

An LT pick

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure I need to “sell” this one. Have you seen the picture?

But for those few who are unaware of who this guy is, let me give a small intro…

May I present to you: Feddie Ljunberg. Sticking with the soccer theme this week, Freddie is a professional footballer as well as male model (who would have guessed?). Born in Sweden, Ljunberg made his senior debut in the Swedish First Division before signing on with Arsenal for nine years, then moving to West Ham United for four more.

He’s now currently playing for a new Major League Soccer franchise in the U.S. (sort of like what Beckham did) and… bla bla bla who really cares, have you seen the underwear region in this picture?

freddie-thumb

Photoshopped or not, I’m looking… I’m definitely looking.

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I’d tap that – Elisabetta Canalis

Posted by Laurence on June 24, 2009

A FirstChild pick

It’s confederations cup time and I feel bad for the Italians. Shame 3-0 against Brazil must be hard to take. On the plus side, they do have Elisabetta Canalis, one-time girlfriend of Christian Vieri, and presenter of a weekly tv soccer show for Italian tv. I would tune in. Her favourite team is Inter, which also happens to be my favourite Serie A team. Coincidence? Probably.

Must have shrunk in the tumbledrier

Must have shrunk in the tumbledryer

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You know what they say about people with big feet?

Posted by lanktank on June 23, 2009

Really big shoes.

So I have big feet. It’s official. For years I’ve been playing the “I’m a size seven shoe” game as if a size seven was considered “average” or “typical” but the truth is, although a seven is considered large, it’s still “heard of” if you understand what I’m saying.

Sure, you get the occasional jester, who’ll say things like: “Your feet are so big, you don’t need water skis” or “Your feet are so big, a cop pulled you off the pavement and asked you for your licence and registration.” And of course, there’s the uninspired “Hey Bigfoot!” I like to call these people, wank knuckles. But all this is tolerated because despite this, it’s still considered acceptable to be a size seven.

However, there is not more denying it. No longer can I continue with this facade. I am not a size seven; in fact, I haven’t been for quite some time. I am…in actual fact…a…size…8. (Shudder!)

This realisation was recognised a few weeks ago when I decided to go to the mall on a Saturday morning to do a little shoe shopping. I had a birthday party in the afternoon but the two pairs I wanted (white pumps and black stilettos) I felt would be relatively easy to find. I would hit one or two shoe boutiques and be on the road again leaving plenty of time to get home and prepare myself for the party. Unfortunately, this was not to be. Instead fate had a different plan for me entirely. Read the rest of this entry »

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Kick him in the Vuvuzelas!

Posted by lanktank on June 23, 2009

Check out this link:

Pay special attention to the column on the right which says: KICK HIM IN THE VUVUZELAS!

Read it, it’s gold!

http://www.gingetalksthefooty.com/2009/06/so-what-should-us-soccer-get-for-those.html

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