The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

The Oldies, Goodies & Uglies

Posted by lanktank on June 2, 2009

Obviously the fact that I’m no longer child makes me biased to the argument that I feel the shows I watched as a wee lass were WAY better than the programme kids have today.

Gummy Bears, Masters of the Universe, ThunderCats, My Little Pony: I could go on and on and on!

So I will:

Pumpkin Patch, Care Bears, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Road Runner (Meep Meep!), Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip ‘n Dale, Pinki and the Brain, Magic School Bus, Ducktales and of course, who could forget BRAVE STAR!!!

Eye of the hawk, Ears of a wolf,

Strength of a bear, speed of a Puma! Puma! Puma!

The graphics were sketchy I’ll admit and if I watched them now, perhaps I wouldn’t share the same love for them as I did but at least they had plots and story lines and even some decent humour.

But the thought I really wanted to share was those shows that we all watched but look back on now and have no idea why. OK, I know why: For lack of any other channels. But still, when I look back on it all now…. I’m ashamed, and by George, you should be too….

Alf – what the hell was this? Even at the young age I was, I KNEW it was just a guy in a suit. He wasn’t an alien, he wasn’t from outta-space. He was a frikken’ Chewbacca wannabee, with crappy one liners and a shitty, corkscrew nose.

Step By Step – Two airhead people decide to get remarried and bring their equally moronic children together under one roof to form one big, not-so-happy (but really they were) family. LAME, SHITE, CRAP! And remember the intro when they’re on that roller coaster? Unfortunately, I do.

Cedric The Crow – OK, so I didn’t hate this one but the fact that it was all just a rouse to get us to eat dried fruit, really is a little pathetic, isn’t it? I don’t care how cool Feather Foot Farm looked, I’m not eating Safari’s Apricot squares because Cedric told me to!

And the worst of them all……

Zet – Jesus I hated this programme. I hated it so much. Even when I was watching it I knew how much I hated it and yet, I continued to watch it. I’ll never know why and I’ll always have to live with that. Zet didn’t even speak a language! He literally mumbled and whined and said things like, “bakjfbghekbgfkbv bskgbsk aslkr;seri;ancl waaaalfgj” – This was Zet’s form of communication and only that lady could understand what he was saying. What did Zet even teach us? Was there any wisdom to his translations? And remember when he got a girlfriend – what was her name again? Oh yes, the very uninspired, “Zettie,” who looked EXACTLY the same as Zet except that she had a pink bow on her head. I hated her too. 25 minutes of this rubbish and we all sat through it. Again, I am ashamed and it will haunt me for my lifetime.

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13 Responses to “The Oldies, Goodies & Uglies”

  1. Luwie said

    Ok, let me set some things straight Ms Lanktank.

    Cedric the Crow and Featherfoot Farm were two different shows. They had different songs: “Featherfoot farm’s the place to be, where we all live happily, Featherfoot farm, for you and me, come to Featherfoot, we love Featherfoot, come to Faetherfoot Faaaaaaarrrrrrmmm.”

    As opposed to “Cedric the Crow and his friends say hello, here they are, in the (something) garden, they will teach you all you need to know, so here comes, Cedric the Crow. Listen to Cedric and you will grow wise, learning about, the world … (etc etc)”.

    So that settles that.

    As for Alf.. that was rubbish. And we all turned on Radio 2000 to hear the simulcast… we are a simple breed.

    As for Zet, the less said the better. Jesus that sucked… and then they switched to the guy who drew 3 walls of biblical drawings in 1 minute and coloured them in with that dusty chalk stuff… crisis. What were we thinking. But for the record, Zettie was his sister, not his gf… not sure Jesus would’ve approved of the whole incest thing.

    My favourite though was Mina Moo… that was some rubbish… just to get us to drink milk. The song was easily the highlight of that show.

    And have you seen the DVDs they have brought out for those kiddie shows now. Man are they expensive. Thundercats is like R360 for the first season… same for Masters of the Universe! Who would buy it… kids of today? No. Adults who watched it? No…

  2. LT said

    my bad, thanks for the corrections…it’s all a distant hell in my mind..trying to block out the trauma.

    Mina Moo! Mino Moo! Mina Moo and….Keith?
    What was that last word?

    Oh yes, simulcast. I also used to do that for Beverly Hill 90210. Jeez! Were we the only nation to have to do that?

  3. Luwie said

    Mina Moo en Kie… it’s Afrikaans. Go find your woordeboek.

    Who else woke up at 7 on Saturday to watch K-TV… the bloody Getalong Gang was always such a letdown! But man did it pick up after that… the highlight was always the Wimpy-Grab-A-Gameshow… forward forward forward… GRAB! GOLD.

    Ok, I have revealed too much.

  4. LT said

    That wasn’t Wimpy that was Sega and Sonic the Hedgehog… wasn’t it? Ot was Wimpy involved as well?
    That was great and the sludge game.

    X-Men was the bomb though… and who remembers the Jetsons? Great show… although many disagreed.

  5. Luwie said

    Yes, Wimpy was the sponsor… crisis LT, its like you weren’t even there.

    Jetsons sucked. According to the Jetsons, we should be eating meals the size of a pill right now and be travelling in little jets. Kind of like we should all have hoverboards like in Back to the Future. Flinstones kicked its butt. Mind you, Judy Jetson was quite a hottie!

    And what’s the deal with Beyond 2000? Do you remember that? They would show things that will exist after 2000. Except they were showing it in 1990.

    I was like, thats not beyond 2000, thats like right now…

  6. FirstChild said

    fokken genius pappie

  7. C-Dawg said

    I agree, Zet was the pits. it felt like the longest 25min of my life. The agony was exaggerated when that bloke drew some random bible scene. I hated the fact that it was so centred around good morals.

    BraveStarr didn’t play that shit. He used to kick some serious ass, then finish off with a moral lesson at the end of each episode. That’s how you make kids listen to you. Not by drawing ridiculous made-up bible stories… honestly!

  8. C-Dawg said

    Forward, Forward, Grab. I loved this, but only because I so badly wanted a Mega Drive. If you had one, I want you to know that I hated you.
    Honestly though, how ridiculous was this early attempt at remote gaming.

    The best was how useless the presenters were at following commands.

    I’d probably just blame them for not winning the console.
    “I said grab, not backward you stupid #!$* Do you even have opposable thumbs?!”

    My anger issues were probably why they never took my calls…

  9. Luwie said

    C-Dawg, that is so true… to be fair though, it was prob some 40 year old guy behind the control who hated his life… he was like, “F%$k, my life has come to this… taking instructions from a 7 year old”… I’d have done the same if I were him.

    And I always wanted them to go down to the bottom where the were like a whole lot of those monitor things with 10 rings in each one… automatic sega console. Man, I hated ppl who had that.

    I was stuck with that stupid Nintendo 8 bit rubbish… you know the one… with Battle City and Donkey Kong. Fml. And that 1001-in-1… except it had like 12 versions of Bomber Man which were all exactly the same… and 6 Battle Cities. Every game sucked except Adventure Islander…

  10. Captain Awesome said

    u guys are so silly,
    arguing on the internet is like competing in the special olympics.
    even if you win, you are still retarded.

    step by step was shit then.
    but the middle sister is a looker now!
    lol

    shotgun

  11. C-Dawg said

    Hmm, a Google image search returned a few saucy pics of Christine Lakin in a bikini… nice! back then she was a tom-boy wearing dungarees. lol

    Didn’t Suzanne Somers go on to sell some 12-step programme.
    “How to beat alcoholism… step-by-step.”

    Haha, I just found a site where you can play Battle City. it’s a Java version – man, that game was/is rubbish.

    Those cassettes eventually became completely ridiculous; they were bringing out a 1 million in 1. 50 versions of the same games; each with a different background colour. Sometimes, you didn’t even know how the versions were different. You just kept playing, hoping to discover the subtle variation. It was like watching a bad movie… “Maybe the boss at the end will be different; let’s keep playing a bit more…”

    Oh, and we’re not arguing… we’re reminiscing.

  12. skaaptj0p said

    Mr Woofles was my maths teacher at school.

  13. AWC said

    Does anyone have pictures of Zet!?!? A bunch of us were talking about lame shows the other day and I thought a pic would just be the icing on the cake.

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