The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Dressing of Hair

Posted by Carl Schutte on June 12, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by C-Dawg

So, C-Dawg is on a few days study leave, but I thought I’d just let my fans know I’m still around.

While sitting here drinking my morning cup of java and listening to some Avril Lavigne – I’m not apologising for liking Avril – I decided to reflect on my recent haircutting experience.

Forgive me if I’ve touched on this topic before; I often ramble on about hairdressers, as I often find a few peculiarities relating to the entire experience.

Now let’s clear things up, most guys would prefer it if a whole bunch of hotties worked at the hair salon. In fact, I believe there’s a place in Johannesburg where they have topless hairdressers. Now on paper this sounds awesome, but would I still be able to be objective?! She’ll be showing me what the back of my hair looks like in that mirror, but I’ll just be checking out her rack. Heck, she could probably shave my head on a number 1 and I’d still tell her it looks awesome! So for me, I’d prefer the lady cutting my hair not to be drop-dead gorgeous…

However, that doesn’t mean the girl washing your hair can’t be tappable. While that scalp massage is somewhat of a contentious issue for me, I still really look forward to it. After all, what could be better than getting a scalp massage from some hottie?! The only problem I have with the scalp massage is that I don’t like to look like I’m enjoying it too much. I don’t want to look like some freak that goes from hair salon to hair salon and gets off on getting his hair conditioned. On the other hand, if they’re doing a good job you want to let them know. I mean, if it feels good, I don’t want them to stop. So, it’s really an endless struggle for me to achieve the perfect balance with the whole hair washing thing.

Now another problem I have is with building up a relationship with the lady who cuts your hair. You see, when you’re a new customer they’re trying to impress you, so you’ll keep coming back. After they get to know you and secure you as a regular, the level of service slowly tapers off. So, what I like to do is just randomise who I go to. I still always go to the same place to get my hair cut, but I just take whoever can cut my hair next. Basically I thought this was a full-proof plan, since based on the law of averages you get to build up a bit of a relationship with everybody, but at the same time you keep them all guessing. Brilliant!

Unfortunately my plan seems to have backfired. The last few times I’ve had my hair cut, I’ve ended up with the same lady and inadvertently become her regular client. OK, so maybe it won’t be too bad, maybe the quality of service won’t drop off… Well, so much for that! You know how hairdressers are supposed to talk to you and ask you how your life is going. Well, she used to do that in the beginning; now she just rambles on about her own life. I have to hear about her family, what she did on her leave, what she’s planning for her next leave, how rough business is, what’s happening in her poodle’s life… Invariably I don’t even care what my hair looks like; I just want to get the hell out of there. Yet I keep going back, because during one of her heart-to-hearts, she told me how little she gets paid and how she values me as a regular client, especially since she gets commission on the products I buy. Great, so now I’m single handily supporting her poodle’s extravagant lifestyle!

OK, so if I could just get a good scalp massage out of this ordeal, perhaps things won’t be so bad. Yeah, I wish! The girl I got most recently probably just got cheated on by her boyfriend because the scorn on her face told me that that she hated all men. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d recently decided to become a lesbian. Normally they ask you how the water temperature is; in case you have sensitive scalp. This chick just didn’t care. She just fell short of telling me to stop acting like a baby, to suck it up and deal with it. I mean I tried to be charming with this girl, but she just hated me and everything I stood for. Right, so I was hanging on to the hope that at least she’d finish off with a poor attempt at a scalp massage. At least that will make it somewhat worthwhile. Well, I did get one, but it lasted for all of 10 seconds! It felt roughly the equivalent of someone using my hair as a towel to dry their hands in.

Needless to say, I’m a bit wounded after my recent hair cutting experience. Thank goodness I only need to go back in 4 weeks – to hell with their recommendation of coming back every 2 weeks – bloody money making scam!

C-Dawg going radio silent…

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2 Responses to “Dressing of Hair”

  1. Luwie said

    OMG… I feel exactly the same. And my hairdresser, who used to be hot and shove her boobs into my head whilst cutting my hair but has recently become fat (due to her break-up with her boyfriend which she figures she has to tell me about every time I go now), even sms’s me when I havent been back in 3 weeks.

    In fact, the last time she even started singing I’ll be Missing You aloud when it came on over the sound system before once again telling me about her boyf and then threw in that it was played at her father’s funeral. All I wanna do is tell her its over between us but how? You can’t exactly do the whole “It’s not you, it’s me” schpeel (i have no idea how to spell that)…

    I’m feeling trapped… how do I break it off?

  2. C-Dawg said

    Haha – this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode called “The Barber”, with Enzo & Gino…

    I would just move to a new neighbourhood. Moving has to be less stressful than trying to breakup with your hairdresser. Only other option is to shave your head.

    Is it possible that Luwie & I were seperated at birth; could it be that I have another brother?

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