The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

E-Liarable Bachelor

Posted by lanktank on October 14, 2009

A post by Kappie

While I’m walking past the television, I happen to hear that a certain programme has a competition for the most eligible bachelor. Sounding insane to you? No?

Okay, so I presume there are going to be a number of single men, who all work out, have successful careers and ‘care’ for the environment. This is fine, but do we need an award for them?

First of all WHY are they still single? Do they secretly have the filthiest mouths alive? Built like Ken of the Barbie fame (as in no tackle or berries)? Have candy floss for brains and have only managed to get where they are based on their looks? I mean it is a little known fact that pretty people are more successful. Jimbo told me that.

The most obvious reason why these men are single is that they must be gay. Right? But I’m sure even gay men would find them attractive. So, why the singleness?

Perhaps if they spent a little less time in the gym and on lame television programmes they’d found someone already. Maybe they’re liars and aren’t single, but the television programme told them to say that so more women would watch. Check for wedding ring marks on their fingers ladies.

It basically boils down to even though C-Dawg and Kappie are single; we’re still not winning the eligible bachelor award. And who would want to? “Well done! You’ve just won this award for being the guy who shouldn’t be single the most, but IS! Lube is behind the stage…wanker!”

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2 Responses to “E-Liarable Bachelor”

  1. Jimbo said

    It is true Kappie, us pretty people are definately more successful.
    As for these so called ‘bachelors’, they might not be gay…. but their boyfriends are!
    Or they are keeping secrets.
    They were born Rachel, they have a collection of stuffed animals in their bedroom, they into wierd freaky stuff (not normal freaky but wierd freaky) or they belong to some cult.
    All of them are either poopal pirates or have a major “OH” moment in relationships. (watch how i met your mother – you will understand)

  2. Skaaptjop said

    Personally, I slept my way to the top.

    It took some practice. In my first job I got caught snuggled up behind the printer on those nice coiled up grey cables.

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