The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for the ‘– C-Dawg’ Category

I’d Tap That – Doutzen Kroes

Posted by Carl Schutte on December 17, 2009

So I was over at the ex-flat-mate’s pad the other night. I made sure I was there at around supper time and kept going on about how hungry I was. Sure enough he caved and offered me some free supper… score!

Whilst we were enjoying our mac n cheese, some Revlon ad came on with Doutzen Kroes. I was like: “Damn!” The ex-flat-mate responded: “Yeah, she’s hot, but she looks too much like Barbie doll.” I almost gagged on my mouthful of mac n cheese. I spat it out & threw down my fork (mostly for dramatic effect, but also coz the mouthful was hotter than expected).

I retorted: “Look, if you came home and she was lying on your bed, would you or wouldn’t you?! Quick, I want an answer!” He replied: “Yeah, I guess you’re right, I’d tap that…”

So, I thought it only fitting that this lovely lady make The Lank Tank list.  She normally has blonde hair, but I think she’s smoking hot with dark hair… and those blue eyes… oh baby!

I found this pic of her graduating… no doubt she majored in hotness!

Doutzen Kroes celebrity profile

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I’d Tap That – Catrinel Menghia

Posted by Carl Schutte on November 6, 2009

We always like to stay current here at The Lank Tank. That’s why I’m choosing Sports Illustrated Swimwear cover model Catrinel Menghia.

Obviously we’d like to know a few things about Ms Menghia. Like, she’s Romanian, she’s 24, she’s the face of a French lingerie brand and, oh yes, she’s smoking hot!

I don’t know who she’s dating, but I don’t care for him much…

She looks good with more clothing on too, but sometimes less is more…

Catrinel Menghia

A word of thanks to my ex-house-mate for telling me about Ms Menghia.

I wonder, would it even matter if she couldn’t speak a word of English?

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Christopher Walken Performs Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’

Posted by Carl Schutte on November 4, 2009

This guy is quite simply legend. He makes comedy seem so effortless.

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I’d tap that – Ivanka Trump

Posted by Carl Schutte on September 25, 2009

Somehow I missed the boat on this one. I guess it’s because I don’t watch much television & don’t really follow celebrities lives.

Imagine my surprise when I was surfing the internet & stumbled across a picture of Mr Trump & his super hot daughter!

She’s intelligent, beautiful, elegant and considers herself a bit of a bookworm. I love how she can transform so easily from glamour to a simple “girl next door” look. *sigh* I think I’m in love… Alas, it’s not to be for she is engaged. She even converted to Judaism for this guy, so I think it might be serious. I’ll always wonder about what we could have been Ivanka…

Ivanka Trump

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The Evolution of Man

Posted by Carl Schutte on September 16, 2009

I sort of felt that I had to share this one.

Outside my office we have a 24hr security desk. The guys work really long 10 hour shifts just sitting at that desk with very little to do.

So, the powers that be amongst the office thought of something nice we could do for them. Ideas were bounced around and we decided to put one of our old computers outside for them.

Something basic, without any internet connectivity, but running MS Office. The idea was that these guys could learn to use the computer and start using some basic office applications for their own benefit. So, we organised and the guys were over the moon.

They initially started playing around in Windows, then started using MS Office.

After that they got a bit bored of things, so they organised a few basic games.

Where previously I would arrive/leave and be greeted in a friendly manner, now they barely look away from the screen.

The guys working the long night shift also started watching the occasional movie. Hey, I don’t blame them – what else are you supposed to do at 03:00 in the morning?!

However, things have recently taken a turn for the worse. I’ve noticed that when I walk to the bathroom, the computer screen has been strategically turned so that nobody can see what they’re watching. Also, where they previously used the external speakers provided, they’re now using headphones. I’ve since learned that they are now in fact watching porn.

Amazing how an idea with such good intentions always ends in illegal porn.

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Zipper and stuff

Posted by Carl Schutte on September 10, 2009

Zipper

Seems like these two siblings could both teach each other a valuable lesson.

(http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/09/09/zipper/)

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BBC One – Comic Relief – Ricky Gervais

Posted by Carl Schutte on September 7, 2009

An oldie but a goodie:

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The Time Traveler’s Wife Pre-review

Posted by Carl Schutte on September 4, 2009

OK, so apparently I give away too much in my movie reviews. So, I’m going to try something completely different – I’m going to review a movie which I have never seen. Not only have I not seen it, but I have no inclination or intention to watch it. There is probably only one likely scenario where I see myself watching this movie and that is if I awoke one morning and had spontaneously sprouted female reproductive organs. Yes, that is the only way I’m going to watch this movie.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good romantic comedy. Also, it’s not a coincidence that Hugh Grant happens to be in some of the best romantic comedies. I wasn’t a fan of the Bridget Jones franchise though. Admittedly I watched those whilst in somewhat dead-end relationships, which may have something to do with it. The point is I’m not averse to a romantic comedy, but I find the romantic drama to be somewhat contrived. Now I don’t expect all movies to be firmly grounded in reality, but occasionally a movie will come along with a plot so painfully thin that it deserves to go straight to DVD.

A good friend of mine went to watch District 9 and told me about this trailer he’d seen. The whole thing sounded so formula – with only one intention – to give women around the opportunity to have a good cry. Allow me to present you with the plot of this movie:

“A romantic drama about a Chicago librarian with a gene that causes him to involuntarily time travel and the complications it creates for his marriage.”

All through the ages people have been trying to build time machines, when the secret to time travel was right under our noses – a simple gene. Now if only they could isolate the gene that makes time travel voluntary… can you say sequel? I can see the tag-line now:

“Our favourite Chicago librarian is back and this time he can choose if he wants to stay the night… but he still doesn’t.”

Now don’t let the wording in the plot fool you. They make it sound like his time travelling gene is the problem. I think the real problem is that we’re dealing with a male librarian. I mean what kind of career choice is this for a man?! Were supposed to be hunters… gatherers… providers – this guy is just a lazy bum. We don’t all need to be doctors and lawyers – sure, we should do what makes us happy, but it still has to pay the bills. Don’t even think about giving me that nonsense about: “it didn’t matter, because all they needed was their love for each other” Yeah, that’s great, but when you need to convert your kitchen into a meth-lab, I’m guessing it’s going to put a bit of strain on the marriage. So not only is this guy basically broke, but he also spontaneously disappears.

Oh that’s just great! We all know how upset women get when we leave – even when they know we’re leaving – they still get upset. Now we’ve got a guy who’s only ever around for random amounts of time, but he wants to settle down. The one man on Earth who is given the thumbs up to lead a life of meaningless, physical relationships & he says no thank you. Furthermore, how stupid is this girl – falling for the old time traveller routine?! Guys use this one all the time to get out of meaningful relationships; it has to be right up there with telling a woman that you’re a really a secret agent. So he’s an idiot for wanting to settle down and she’s an idiot for settling down with somebody who’s only ever around for random periods of time – actually, they’re perfect for each other. Read the rest of this entry »

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Mildly Sleazy Uses of Facebook

Posted by Carl Schutte on September 3, 2009

This is hilarious because you know that more than 50% of guys think like this…
xkcd

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The Armshelf

Posted by Carl Schutte on August 31, 2009

Some humour from Awkward Family Photos.

I love how Mr Serious gets singled out…

Also, I think the little kid might be going into hypothermia.

Boyz II Men

Boyz II Men

Don’t judge them just because they’re judging you.

They’re Baaack…

They're Baaack

And with a whole new attitude. Well, except for you, guy on the left.

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