The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for the ‘– FirstChild’ Category

I’d tap that – Mila Kunis

Posted by Laurence on November 12, 2009

Time for everybody’s favourite installment. This week, I’m nominating the superhot Mila Kunis. Remember that 70s show? You know you do. 6:30-7:00pm, everybody’s favourite time of the day. Well, in case you needed more convincing, apparently she has a “steamy”  scene with previous “I’d tap that” winner, Harvard’s Natalie Portman, in the new Darren Aronofsky movie about competing ballet dancers (Yes, from the man who brought you “Pi”, and “Requiem for a Dream”). This is sacrificing for art.

these boots are made for lying down suggestively

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I’d tap that – Nicole Scherzinger

Posted by Laurence on October 12, 2009

I know you like it. And, ok, so she’s dating him; and they kinda did steal that song from Tori Alamaze (can’t we all just move on), but still, Don’t cha just wish.

I know you want me

I know you want me

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I’d tap that – Rashida Jones

Posted by Laurence on September 4, 2009

Now be honest. Waaay hotter than Pam. I mean what is Jim thinking? Seriously?  And cute and funny and, I’m in love. I know she’s only a tv character but still, it’s all I have.  Online video lectures, netflix on demand, and lots of cups of coffee. Sigh.

way hotter than Pam

way hotter than Pam

I mean, are we meant to believe in true love or something? Puke. Have you ever worked in an office with girls this hot? Didn’t think so.

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FirstChild returneth…again

Posted by lanktank on August 14, 2009

The rumours are true… FirstChild is coming back – just for 2 weeks mind you, but he’ll be here nevertheless.

Luwie will also be making his way into the land that is the Cape very shortly… oohh little reunions all round!

Votes close for the June polls hotties – so please vote, vote, vote! (On the Take Your PIck page)

I’m sorted with SARS – turns out I won’t have to skip the country.

Swine Flu is among us….

Taxi Violence CD launch tonight… I will be attending…

Have a good weekend! And chat to you peeps Monday!

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I’d tap that – Ashley Olsen

Posted by Laurence on August 6, 2009

A FirstChild pick

By far the hotter of the two, you know which one she is without even having to look. Come on, you know you would. Apart from Uncle Joey, the best thing to come out of Fully House. Wait, Bob Saget has a pretty good standup act.

the cuter one

the cuter one

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LT Away – New Rules

Posted by Laurence on July 20, 2009


LT is away and she’s left me in charge. It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. So, for the next few weeks there are going to be some new rules as I try to raise the level a bit around here.:

1) Subject matter: I was thinking that we don’t have enough discussion here about the global financial crisis, international politics, fine arts or 19th century Russian literature. Feel free to contribute any material on the above for consideration by emailing lanktankstuff (at) gmail (dot) com, or put your suggestions in the comments;

2) Comment policy: No lewdness. Complete sentences only. No text message style shortening of “wrds”. The aim here is for a level and tone of dialogue equal to say that of an academic seminar, a parliamentary committee meeting, or a court hearing. Comments that add to the post and discussion will be retained; comments that detract from the level and/or tone will be deleted.

3) Comment policy on weekly “Guys I wouldnt kick out of bed” and  “I’d tap that”: Please keep it clean, Jimbo. We are here to celebrate beauty, there is no need to be coarse.

4) Fun: Everyone is invited to have fun!

Please feel free to comment on the new rules in the comments. But note that the rules start now.

yours sincerely,


Posted in - FirstChild | 5 Comments »

On jokes in bad taste

Posted by Laurence on July 7, 2009

This entry was brought to you by FirstChild

We here at the Tank were big Micheal Jackson fans. We are that age. And we were a little upset by people’s responses to his sad passing. For a start, there was just not enough break for the jokes. In some cases it was just a couple of hours. Too soon! And you know those jokes were recycled. Like the playstation one. Not only was it in poor taste, but “they” (the joke makers) didnt even update it to be an xbox 360 or a wii. Lazy. There is a tradeoff between poor taste and funniness. The funnier, the more poor taste you are allowed. Another thing, already the conspiracy theories have started. Its wrong. Our recommendation is that you’re meant to wait at least a week for the jokes, and a month for the conspiracy theories. Basics.

A different issue is everyone forgetting about Iran. Like, oh well, maybe we’ll get ’em next time (yeah you, Ahmadi-Nejad, what’s the deal with the hyphenation everyone is doing now anyway??). Yeah ok, we see you guys in green are getting beaten, locked up without charge, murdered etc, but hello, world’s biggest selling popstar is dead. And allegedly from a medication addiction… We’re shocked. Shocked!

Anyway,respect to MJ for great music, and breaking racial barriers. We are sad for the  molestation charges, and all the other problems. This was a tragic life, and people have responded to his death in very different ways based often on the meaning of his music in their own lives. Everyone gets to have their own view on the veracity of the charges he faced, the manner in which he conducted his life, the importance of his music, and the meaning of his career.  Provided you’re not in a country like Iran, of course. Cause then your view better be state-approved. Anyway, no-one can deny that for many there aint no sunshine now he’s gone.

Here’s a classic

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I’d tap that – Elisabetta Canalis

Posted by Laurence on June 24, 2009

A FirstChild pick

It’s confederations cup time and I feel bad for the Italians. Shame 3-0 against Brazil must be hard to take. On the plus side, they do have Elisabetta Canalis, one-time girlfriend of Christian Vieri, and presenter of a weekly tv soccer show for Italian tv. I would tune in. Her favourite team is Inter, which also happens to be my favourite Serie A team. Coincidence? Probably.

Must have shrunk in the tumbledrier

Must have shrunk in the tumbledryer

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I’d tap that – Natalie Portman

Posted by Laurence on June 4, 2009

This is a FirstChild pick

It’s time for everyone’s favourite segment – coarse as it is. Who is the (un)lucky lady this week? None other than Harvard graduate, Time magazine contributor and mother of Luke Skywalker; Natalie Portman.  She’s beautiful, intelligent, has a social conscience and she can rap (well, sort of). I certainly would, wouldn’t you.

sleepy from all that studying at Harvard

sleepy from all that studying at Harvard

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Id tap that – Padma Lakshmi

Posted by Laurence on April 23, 2009

This is a FirstChild pick

It’s Indian Premier League time in South Africa, and so it’s time to embrace our love for all things indian. Which brings us to our next “I’d tap that”. Of course I’m talking about celebrity reality tv chef host and former wife of author Salman Rushdie, Padma Lakshmi. What’s there to say: she’s hot, she cooks, she dates guys who write books. And, importantly, she has a degree (A BA in theatre arts). But in case you need more convincing, here she is in action. Im hungry. I could use a burger.

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