The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for the ‘– Girl Next Door’ Category

Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – Wentworth Miller

Posted by lanktank on March 4, 2009

This is a GND pick

Known for this role as Michael Scofield in the hit TV series Prison Break (what the HELL has happened to that show!!), Wentworth Miller is possibly the hottest man alive.


Get this – his father is of African-American, Jamaican, English, German and Jewish descent; his mother is of Russian, Dutch, French, Syrian and Lebanese ancestry. He describes himself as a racial Lone Ranger.

Angel ssshhhhh, We Belong Together, that’s all I can say.

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Driving – you’re doing it wrong

Posted by lanktank on March 3, 2009

What is with The Lank Tank crew and A-Hole drivers?

This blog entry was brought to you by GND

I had the most delightful experience with a fellow driver on Friday afternoon. This woman (mid-forties, driving a Polo) had either had a day from hell or was absolutely hammered.

Stay with me – I need to paint the picture. I was turning right into Second Avenue heading towards Lansdowne Rd. With cars parked to my left and right – making it impossible for two cars to drive past each other at the same time – I edged forward to check for any on-coming cars. After I waited for a bakkie to drive past me, I took my turn, only to be greeted head-on by this crazy woman (Well, maybe not crazy yet but you will see). She had over-taken said parked cars and was now in my lane.

Coming to a forced halt, I now had about three cars behind me, backed up and unable to move. So I waited… Nothing. She starts to gesture with her hands (flicking her little fingers) asking me to reverse my car. Really? I find this slightly odd as a) I’m the one in the correct lane and b) where exactly would she like me to reverse to? So I gesture back (this time flicking my little fingers). This goes on back and forth a couple of times. Slightly frustrated now, I pop my head out my window… Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Girl Next Door | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Paedophile Beards

Posted by lanktank on February 19, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by GND

Today is what I like to call crazy Thursday. Generally people around me – including my work colleagues and I – start to go a little mental. Sitting in front of a pc the whole week, working towards deadlines, it’ll do things to you.

On days like these I like to peruse youtube during my lunch hour. That’s a lie; I do it everyday, and not on my lunch. Anyway due to being partly non-functional today as I’m STILL trying to recover from the insane day that was Tuesday (HOW hot was it?! I know!) I’ve got a little present for you. I’m sure most of us are familiar with Jon Lajoie (careful, it’s pronounced Lah-jwah), and if you’re not, pretend that you are; this is one of my personal favourites.

Did you enjoy that?


Posted in - Girl Next Door, Isit? Videos, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – Josh Duhamel

Posted by lanktank on February 18, 2009

A GND pick

Ladies… gents, I have a treat for you today. Josh Duhamel is what I like to call “eye-candy”. I say this because I can’t go on anything else, such as his wit, intelligence, or acting skills (you’ll recognise him from Transformers, Win a date with Tad Hamilton! and the series Las Vegas).


Fergie’s right – Big Girls Don’t Cry… when you’ve got a guy like this next to you…. On you… Mmmmm.

Posted in - Girl Next Door, Guys we wouldn't kick out of bed, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

What’s the crew getting up to for Valentine’s Day: Part 2

Posted by lanktank on February 11, 2009

This time it’s Kappie and GND, what are they planning this February the 14th…


Bullsh*t for my Valentine

Valentine’s Day is this Saturday and I think we all know what that means. Of course, single ladies looking to party and Jimbo and I have the perfect plan.

You may or may not have heard of a type of party known as the ‘traffic party’. Jimbo calls it the ‘traffic party’ because he says his bedroom will be like a main intersection but with girls instead of cars. For now I’ll just stick to the real meaning: Three colours may only be worn to this party. Red if you’re in a relationship, yellow or orange for it’s a Facebook “complicated” and green for single to mingle…just like C-Dawg for the rest of his single little life.

A popular club in Kenilworth has a ‘traffic party’ every year and Jimbo and I have finally decided to test the waters with a devilish plan, if I do say so myself. We are going to wear ALL three colours in case different scenarios arise. I’ll be using the green shirt primarily to get myself out there and then cleverly change to red if I get a level three cling-on who doesn’t understand I’m not her ‘pookie’. Oh and the yellow one is my particular favourite. The yellow will be used on those tough nuts to crack and will allow me to play the sensitive guy. I imagine something along these lines will surely take place:

Kappie: (acting sad, emotionally strained and puppy eyed)

Girl #43: “Why so down?”

Kappie: “Just leave me alone.”

Girl #43: (intrigued by my abruptness) “What’s the matter?”

Kappie: “You won’t understand.”

Girl #43: “Try me.”

Kappie: “Well…it’s this girl I’m kind of seeing…I just don’t think she appreciates my feelings etc. etc. etc. blah, blah, blah”

She’ll follow by saying that she thinks I deserve someone who does appreciate me, while I ‘tear’ myself apart saying that I don’t think I do; all the more pulling her ever closer to this emotional trap.

Jimbo says it’s a full proof plan and I tend to agree with that, I mean what’s the worst that could happen?

And Girl Next Door?

GND will be joining the Black Hearts Club this Valentine’s Day. And not in a weird sadistic way, just play-play. Silly games. In fact I’ll have my hot, witty, well-built, intelligent boyfriend with an 8-pack waiting for me at home when I get back, obviously, but that’s beside the point. I choose to be with friends on this day. Friends who aren’t as lucky to have a love like I do.

Back to the point – we’ll be attending the Stormers game at Newlands this Saturday. And by we I mean my single friends. That constitutes approximately 6 of us. The rest of the crew have teamed up with their worse/better half and are going out for dinner / going away for the weekend / eating chocolate dessert off each other and the list goes on. Icky. I think I just got sick a little bit in my mouth.

It should be an interesting day, seeing as the last time I watched a bunch of big sweaty men run after a weirdly shaped ball was… well lets be honest… never. I’m not sure if you can tell but I don’t think I’m what you’d call a huge rugby fanatic.

Posted in - Girl Next Door, - Kappie, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 17 Comments »

Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed: Ryan Reynolds

Posted by lanktank on February 4, 2009

This pick was done by GND

Ladies & boys… I bring a little sizzle for the both of you today. And by little I mean huge.

I’m not entirely sure I need to give an explanation for either of them. Lets just take a minute together…

ryan and scarlett

Ryan Reynolds & Scarlett Johansson – what a vibe

RyRy (he lets me call him that) is not only mind-blowingly hot, he’s also “one of the funniest guys I’ve ever met… he’s phenomenal” – this according to Hugh Jackman, one of Scarlett’s co-stars in The Prestige. I’m sorry, but this right here is a god among men.

Do I even need to try and convince you that Scarlet is the sauciest minx right now? Can we all agree they’re most positively the hottest married couple alive right now?

And moving on.


Posted in - Girl Next Door, Guys we wouldn't kick out of bed | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Status Updates PSA

Posted by lanktank on January 29, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by GND

I’m sure it’s safe to assume we all know & utilize the free-access social networking site Facebook. You know, the premium version of My Space. The place where you get to see who’s scoring who, how the guest list is looking for the Met this Saturday (I’ll see you beautiful people there), who vomited and tripped down the stairs last weekend at Tiger, and of course – who’s feeling sad and lonely today. That’s right, I’m talking about the Status Update facility.

This is the one thing that I really feel a lot of my fellow Facebookers abuse to no end. In fact, so much so that I actually want to remove them as my friend. I’m not talking about the ones that update it every hour (or sometimes every few minutes). Apart from the fact that they clearly do this for a living because they can’t possibly have jobs or study with the amount of time they consume editing their Facebook status, it’s also very unnecessary. We all have these friends – the ones that might say things like:

“Bob is writing his essay” 13h24

“Bob has just finished his essay!” 13h52 (Okay Bob)

“Bob has just handed in his essay! Whoop whoop!” 14h25 (BOB! Seriously. That’s enough. I won’t even start on the ‘whoop whoop’).

The people I’m talking about are the ones that update their status with their ‘emotional’ state of mind… Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Girl Next Door, Things that are Rubbish, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | 11 Comments »

Meet the crew: GND

Posted by lanktank on January 20, 2009


I’ve mentioned her before, she’s the person I’ve known the longest ( and the fact that we’re neighbours hasn’t helped… she’s: Girl Next Door (GND).

You know when you reach a stage in your life when it doesn’t matter where you go or what you do, there are certain people who are just always going to be there… giving you unnecessary, random advice, whether you’ve asked for it or not… GND is that people.

You can’t help but love her though… or maybe you can, I’m still undecided.

Wanna know more about GND? Read her profile and find out for yourself:


Girl Next Door

Favourite movies: Sex in the City, The Notebook, Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing, Ghost

Favourite books: Marian Keyes – Watermelon; Jodi Picoult – My Sisters Keeper, The Pact; Elizabeth Gilbert – Eat Pray Love

Favourite bands: Robbie Williams, Jack Johnson, Rihanna, Goldfish, Coldplay, Mika, Katy Perry

Making out with Ryan Gosling (or the blow up man-doll I have of him, not dissimilar to Lars & the Real Girl), Cocktails at Caprice (Cappers for future reference), Half-price sushi at Beluga (ALL day), FTV with the girls, Beaching at the Clifton Palace

Ideal date: Take me rowing on a lake (he will be shirtless, of course). As he rows me to shore and the rain storm starts (not enough to make my white dress transparent or to make my hair frizzy, obviously) we’ll share a passionate kiss before we finish off the night sipping on our Piña Coladas on the terrace.

If I could have dinner with 3 people: Johnny Depp, Dita Von Teese, Oprah

Occupation: Advertising (and searching for the perfect man)

Favourite quotes:

From The OC
Zach: [on Seth and Summer] Even when you’re not a couple you’ll always be a couple. You’re Joanie and Chachi, Luke and Leia.
Seth: Um, Luke and Leia were brother and sister.
Zach: Yeah, well, may the force be with you.

From Talladega Nights
Ricky Bobby: Here’s the deal I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

How do I know LT: How did Prince Harry become Royalty? He was born that way!

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Sick… oh so sick

Posted by lanktank on January 14, 2009

Dearest All,

I haven’t forgotten about The Lank Tank, I’m just oh so sick at this current time.

I’ve narrowed it down to the following:


A. That tuna I ate

B. A stomach bug…. I know those suckers are going around

C. Fakeme is trying to posion me (She may have her reasons although I am unsure)

When I recover I will be back.

In the meantime, Girl Next Door sent me this… I think quite fitting. The picture is titled: January


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Day of Reconciliation at the Beach

Posted by lanktank on December 17, 2008

As we all know or should know, yesterday was the Day of Reconciliation. A day to reconcile, reunite, merge and bring together! (Yes, I just said words that all meant the same thing). Which was quite fitting actually as a friend of mine just got back from the UK so we were all going to “come together” and do something fun.

After we couldn’t think of anything, we decided to go to the beach… Camps Bay beach to be exact. I’m just kidding, I love the beach. The only thing better than being on the beach, is being on the beach, drinking. Or maybe it’s just drinking… I can’t decide.

As it was a super hot day, we arrived to a very busy, people filled seashore. The reason for this seemed to be, besides the very warm weather, that there was an Idols promotion going on the one side.

Basically it was a big stage with Idols posters everywhere and giant speakers on either side. From what I could gather, one could go up, select a song and sing karaoke in front of the whole of Camps Bay. Girl Next Door explained to me that Idols auditions were the next day and this was to encourage people to try out.

Now you can imagine the type of people going up to sing. I mean, it’s 1 ‘o clock in the afternoon, so for most of the contestants, no alcohol is involved and it’s those type of people who you know think they totally rock the house but in actual fact suck the dick. And this is all good and well, I would expect no less from this type of situation but it was the presenter that completely cracked me up… Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Girl Next Door, - LT, Loxions, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »