The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for the ‘– Kappie’ Category

I’d tap that – Minki van der Westhuizen

Posted by lanktank on December 3, 2009

A Kappie pick

Another local lekker lassy is, Minki van der Wes…or is it still Visser?

I don’t know, but either way she’s still a hottie and worthy of your vote!

PS. Vote for Kappie’s choices and receive absolutely nothing, but the satisfaction of agreeing with him that his choices are indeed…AWESOME!


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I’d tap that – Lee-Ann Liebenberg

Posted by lanktank on October 30, 2009

A Kappie pick

This week I decided to look locally for a gorgeous girl. And as luck would have it, while I was waiting in traffic this morning a furniture truck drove past me with the answer. It’s of course Lee-Ann Liebenberg. Rumours are she’s single again too…SHOTGUN!

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E-Liarable Bachelor

Posted by lanktank on October 14, 2009

A post by Kappie

While I’m walking past the television, I happen to hear that a certain programme has a competition for the most eligible bachelor. Sounding insane to you? No?

Okay, so I presume there are going to be a number of single men, who all work out, have successful careers and ‘care’ for the environment. This is fine, but do we need an award for them?

First of all WHY are they still single? Do they secretly have the filthiest mouths alive? Built like Ken of the Barbie fame (as in no tackle or berries)? Have candy floss for brains and have only managed to get where they are based on their looks? I mean it is a little known fact that pretty people are more successful. Jimbo told me that.

The most obvious reason why these men are single is that they must be gay. Right? But I’m sure even gay men would find them attractive. So, why the singleness?

Perhaps if they spent a little less time in the gym and on lame television programmes they’d found someone already. Maybe they’re liars and aren’t single, but the television programme told them to say that so more women would watch. Check for wedding ring marks on their fingers ladies.

It basically boils down to even though C-Dawg and Kappie are single; we’re still not winning the eligible bachelor award. And who would want to? “Well done! You’ve just won this award for being the guy who shouldn’t be single the most, but IS! Lube is behind the stage…wanker!”

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I’d tap that – Pamela Anderson

Posted by lanktank on September 18, 2009

A Kappie pick

Personally I don’t know how we missed this one. I mean how can you have a weekly hottie and not have the busty blonde babe who all guys at some point in their lives have thought to themselves…”What I would do to those two.”

So without further time wastage, please sit down before embarrassing yourself and feast your eyes on the one and only with her famous assets, Pamela Anderson.

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I’d tap that – Michelle Marsh

Posted by lanktank on August 21, 2009

A Kappie pick

For those who took my advice on DMeister’s last ‘I’d tap that’, then this busty blonde will be no stranger. And to those of you who didn’t take my advice…shame on you! Just look at what you have been missing out on. Word is that those are Lucy Pinder’s lip marks on Michelle, well in my dreams they are.

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X & Y

Posted by lanktank on August 18, 2009

By Kappie

Actual conversations with actual people.

Office talk about girls

“The minute I had to go with my girlfriend to a therapist after the first month of dating, I knew she wasn’t the one for me.”

Trying to ‘hook’ a brother up

“My girlfriend has a nice single friend for you…Oh, wait. She’s way too successful for you.”

My lips are sealed

“We had this argument and she wanted to know who told me all those things, so I told her I wasn’t going to…I did though.”

“Well, you’re a real ‘vault’, aren’t you?”

An angered work colleague screams out and receives an answer

“I’m a real dickhead!”

“Well, you are what you eat.”

Water in aisle M please

“Could you go buy me some water?”

“No.” Shoves sour sweets in her mouth and proceeds to choke

“Bet you wish you went now, don’t you?”

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What a great idea

Posted by lanktank on July 27, 2009

A Kappie find

Real men of genius is right my friends. If you’ve just finished school and have no idea what to study…have a look at this clip and hopefully a career path will suddenly spring to mind.

I salute him… as you should too.

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I’d tap that – Eliza Dushku

Posted by lanktank on July 15, 2009

A Kappie pick
Who can forget this flipping, flopping and jumping anti-cheerleader, who then becomes a cheerleader in ‘Bring it on’?
From the moment I saw her, I knew she was the one…who’d I’d want to see in a nudie flick. Except the next time I saw her it was in some movie with some freaky hill-billies chasing her in some forest. Was still good seeing her. Then I believe she did some Tru Calling and now I haven’t seen her again. Come back Eliza!!!!

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Some Favourite Party Tricks

Posted by lanktank on July 9, 2009

A blog entry by Kappie

Everybody knows that in order to have a really good party there needs to be booze first of all and of course, the opposite sex. Dancing is a good addition to have any excuse to get closer to the opposite sex, but I prefer a good old wholesome game of Twister… Naked Twister!

Now, there are lots of different ‘roles’ you can play at parties. You could be the centre of attention, which leaves less time to get up to mischief seeing as people are more likely to notice you’re missing and likely to look for you. You could be the quiet person in the corner who observes and might take the odd photo to use as leverage on whoever doing whatever. You may find yourself being the person who never leaves the drinks table or bar and probably ends up tilting it over after your 8th tequila shot.

Whoever your character is at parties, I’ll bet you have some tricks up your sleeve that only come out at parties. I’d like to share some of mine and hear some of yours.

If you’re going to a party where nobody knows you and has no idea of how you got invited in the first place, using a different name should be top of your list. This way, once you’ve managed to some how light the couch on fire, your real name won’t be tarnished.

You’re stuck at a party where there’s no ‘punch’ in the punch – a hip flask filled with your favourite whiskey should console you.

Tripping the lights is always a good way to cause some midnight chaos and even grab a quick kiss from the good looking person next to you. This may call for a helper who has agreed to trip the lights while you cleverly position yourself.

No matter how tempting that Jacuzzi looks…DO NOT get in. Many a rash has come from an ‘innocent’ little swim. If you want to somehow get involved in the Jacuzzi try throwing a box of washing powder in and see how those bubbles rise to the sky. It’s glorious.

Telling people that you have a rare and prestigious job helps in attracting more attention to yourself too. This may entail some research, but if it’s a really bizarre job you can normally wing it and people won’t question you.

If you have anymore potentially useful tricks that I could use…I mean Lank Tank could write about, feel free to tell us.

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The Ex-troduction

Posted by lanktank on July 3, 2009

This entry was brought to you by Kappie

While I’m on the subject I’d like to touch a little on ex-girlfriends. Yes, just about every guy, and some girls, have at least one ex-girlfriend.

What’s worse than having an ex-girlfriend? Bumping into an ex-girlfriend, unless it’s to give you back your PlayStation, bottle of cognac or that T-shirt that has the really offensive writing on it.

First eye contact is made. You can tell how the rest of the encounter is going to go from the look on her face or yours. Surprise is a good first facial expression. This is usually followed by a rather awkward look down or to the side. Now you start to wonder if you should go over and be polite. Maybe even drop a hug, but there’s always that fear of you with your arms wide open, while she just stands there, arms folded just staring at you. You might as well hug a pole…or a toilet bowl if you decide to binge drink after the encounter.

No one (me) really knows why it should even be awkward in the first place. I mean your ex didn’t always used to be your ex. You used to be really close and tell each other all sorts of things, but now it’s like you don’t even know one another. Is it because you’ve more than likely seen each other naked and now scared the other one is picturing you naked right now? Is it maybe because she still has a good relationship with your mother who has now become a double agent? Is it because the other person really knows what a freak you are? Who knows, but whatever the reason, it still remains all awkward.

So, I have come up with a couple unorthodox ways of making things less awkward:

-Move far, far away. Not Jupiter far, but maybe just Mars far.

-Faking your death could work, if she doesn’t rock up at your fake funeral.

-You could change the way you look, your number and even your religion.

-How about introducing her to a friend like Jimbo that will soon make her move away?

-Alternatively you could try date again, break up and see if it’s not as awkward the second (third, fourth, fifth…) time.

-Date her mother. Not going to make things less awkward, but thought I’d just throw that in there.

None of these will probably work, but good luck anyway.

Kappie out.

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