The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for the ‘– LT’ Category

Til I See You Again

Posted by lanktank on January 13, 2010

Dearest Lank Tank Readers…

This time has come to bid farewell.

Unfortunately due to demanding schedules and the pressures of a whole bunch of crap that really I’d prefer not to be doing; The Lank Tank has to go on a hiatus, if you will.

Thank you to all the regular readers – hell, even the sporadic ones! It’s been a blast and hopefully when time and circumstance permits it, we’ll be back.

A few thoughts I’d like to mention before I day cheers:

–          It’s never really as bad as it seems at the time. Unless you’re in a company meeting and shit your pants – then, yes, it is that bad.

–          Turns out, trying Karaoke once, isn’t that humiliating – but don’t make a habit out of it.

–          Don’t speak to people who wear Crocs .

–          If a guy is sms-ing you but never really making an effort to see you – he’s keeping his options open. He doesn’t actually like you.

–          Singing to your bride on your wedding day is lame…always. Unless it’s reeeeeally funny.

–          Never trust a pink giraffe… they’ll take all your money.

–          It’s never ok to listen to pan-flute music… not even “now and then.” (Sorry Gran)

–          You can drink as much as you like on Sundays as long as you’re home by 8.

Keep well, and chat soon!

LT out.

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Look-a-likeys

Posted by lanktank on December 28, 2009

I’ve seen a lot of look-a-likeys around Cape Town of late. It’s really quite bizarre/bazaar (I’m never sure which one).

Here are the twin celebrities I’ve run into so far:

1. First person was Kristen Bell – That chick from Veronica Mars and Heroes. Baino has an absurd crush on her. I saw her while stuck in traffic. It was uncanny.

2. The Robert Pattinson look-a-likey. OK, my theory: this dude kind of looks like him, so when Twilight became, you know… mental, girls started paying more attention to him. He caught on, and began to wear his hair like Robert, same style of clothes etc, so he could also find his own Kristen Stewart look-a-like.

3. Katie Holmes chick – This one was insane. I was in the Spar waiting by the salad bar when I turned around and there she was, staring at the menu board. This was insanely alike. She literally is her twin. I must have turned around about 6 times, to the point where she felt uncomfortable. Whatever.

4. Michael K Williams – This guy places Omar in The Wire. However, I’m willing to admit; although they looked similar I think I wanted to see it more than anything else….*sniff*….if only.

Anyways, if you’re still reading this codswollop….. here’s a link for you:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/22/funniest-sketches-decade_n_398850.html?page=1

Funniest sketches of the 2000’s… according to this guy…. but there are some serious goodies.

Happy NY!

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So

Posted by lanktank on December 22, 2009

Christmas is upon us.

The sun is a-shining

The people are a-shopping

I am a-working… and therefore a-drinking heavily to work through this turmoil.

Only joking… but not really.

But how are things with you? Really? What’s going on inside that crazy, complicated head of yours?

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Anyone else? #16

Posted by lanktank on December 14, 2009

Anyone else notice that all three members of the Sugarbabes are entirely different to the original three girls which started the group in the beginning?

Anyone else care?

Anyone else cannot believe it is already December and so nearly Christmas?

Anyone else over that disbelief?

Anyone else know what they doing for New Years?

Anyone else not even thought about New Years?

Anyone else working the whole if December?

Anyone else allergic to cats?

Anyone else wanna party like it’s their b-day?

Go Shorty.

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Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – James Franco

Posted by lanktank on December 9, 2009

Come on, look at him… he’s cute right? And hot.

A hot actor that has been in such classics like the Spiderman trilogy and Milk… I mean I haven’t seen Milk… yet but it won an Oscar so it has to be good, huh?

He’s also got some seriously funny sketches on FunnyorDie.com – I think I’ve had some them on the tank before. Definitely worth a look.

But I suppose the real reason, is that he goes to school with FirstChild and even though they’re not necessarily “friends,” it’s probably the closest I’ll get to having a chance right? You know, if he was reeeally drunk, and had just broken up with his girlfriend and was feeling lonely and pathetic and no one else was around… I could have a shot.

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It’s over and it was glorious

Posted by lanktank on November 30, 2009

I just finished the last episode of the last season of  The Wire. A masterpiece. With no doubt, it’s the best drama series I have watched, in my life… ever. Possibly even the best series ever.

Now the question is… how can I save enough money, to pay the networks to make another season of the show… like 2 years after its finished? Hmmm, that’s a thinker. Suggestions are welcome.

In the meantime, here’s a montage (because everyone loves a montage!) of the best quotes said on…. The Wire! Drum roll please:

Obviously if you haven’t seen the whole thing… don’t watch it….

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Weekend!

Posted by lanktank on November 27, 2009

YAY People! Friday! And you know what that means… tomorrow is Saturday! WOOHOO!

I’m going to eat a burger this weekend.

I’m going skydiving this weekend.

I’m meeting Oprah this weekend.

I’m joining the Free Masons this weekend.

I’m selling Lemonade this weekend.

I’m hunting a shark this weekend.

I’m swimming the English Channel this weekend.

I’m making a paper plane this weekend.

I’m lying a lot about what I’m doing this weekend…. eating the burger may happen. I can’t guarantee the rest. Even my paper planes are shite.

But its weekend!!! And I have Monday off. WOOHOO! It’s the little things, I know.

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Too much

Posted by lanktank on November 26, 2009

A client came in today at my work and I noticed that he laughs for way too long at his own jokes. We’ll be in a discussion, he’ll make a not-at-all funny joke and then crack up laughing… and laughing… and continue to laugh some more.

I give the obligatory chuckle to the crapness of the joke but sorry, that’s all I can do. And yet he carries on laughing, until it’s just him and silence. Why hasn’t he realised he’s an over-laugher?

The work colleague next to me, went through the same thing. They started talking, laughing began and my work colleague just stared at him. We both gave each other a “what the feck” look while waiting for the client to finish his hysterics.

Bizarre.

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It happens

Posted by lanktank on November 23, 2009

You don’t want to be that person but we all have been at some point in our awkward, less than perfect lives…

You know,

–    That A-Hole who forgets to turn off their cell phone and it rings during a groom’s wedding speech.

–    Having a tickle in your throat and beginning to cough during a small, intimate theatre production.

–    Crying during a movie, in the cinema on your first date.

–    Being the nose sniffer during a crucial final exam. You can feel the people around you, staring, sighing, wishing an asteroid would land on your face.

–    Falling asleep during a work meeting. Not necessarily “full on” sleeping but your eyes are opening and closing at an abnormally slow pace.

–    Tripping as you walk into a house party… or a club.

–    Talking exceptionally loud at a party because the music is blasting but then it suddenly turns off. You’re still talking at that volume. Here, it never really matters what you’re actually saying, it’s always embarrassing. But usually whatever you are saying… is embarrassing.

–    Eating something and it’s so hot you have to spit it out. Only to look around and realise you’re in company.

I suppose we can take comfort to know that we’re not alone. It happens to everybody… unless it doesn’t and it’s just me! Oh no! Oh no! Don’t say it to be true!

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Too Early?

Posted by lanktank on November 20, 2009

Yesterday I drove past a middle-aged fat man, sitting in a bakkie, wearing no shirt and a Santa’s hat.

Today I arrived at work and Boney M was blaring from the office.

Christmas is upon us…. you’ve been warned.

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