The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Archive for the ‘– Thrash’ Category

Goodbye, It’s Over, I’m Gone

Posted by lanktank on December 24, 2008

Not The Lank Tank! Phew, I know all 3 of you were worried there. No, no… it’s my job…

The time has come for me to say farewell! Farewell to my place of work, farewell to my colleagues and farewell to the tree that always left stained berries on my car.

  • Goodbye WORK MANAGER! We’ll always have College Humour, Mamma Mia (you turned me) and Sterrie Stumpies!
  • Goodbye Thrash! We’ll always have Metallica, Samoosas and Bakgat! SKERRRRRRR!

I’ll also miss writing on the task board every morning: Thrash = Loser… Thrash = Nerd… Thrash = Dork etc.

Oh how it made us laugh! Not so much Thrash, and WORK MANAGER got annoyed because I was scribbling over “important” tasks but it was all worth it, hey?

And remember when The Mother made us a batch of brownies and we ate them all in 3 hours? What were we thinking?

  • Goodbye Tree! I won’t miss you, not one bit. The amount of berries that splattered over my windscreen throughout this year has driven me to madness many a time. You give me oxygen Tree, for this I am grateful but your berry holding capabilities are abysmal.

And of course, how can I forget….

  • Goodbye Dead Pigeon! We”ll always have those last 6 seconds of when you were alive and free until you reached your impending doom outside my window. You’re still there, covered mostly in leaves and twigs now, and you’ll still haunt my every waking dream but you’re loyal, you stuck by me through thick and thin and that’ll remain with me.

But I have to move on, I will miss you all dearly! But at least you’ll still have The Lank Tank to stay in touch…Except for you Dead Pigeon… because, well, you’re dead. And even if you weren’t I’m not sure you would know how to operate a computer, especially with those little claws of yours, how would you type?


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The Case of the Missing Lunch Lady

Posted by lanktank on November 27, 2008

The lunch lady didn’t pitch today and it has not gone down well here at the office. It was all fun and games when everyone thought she was just a little late. I even remember the banter… “Ooh, if Lunch lady isn’t here by 12 then she owes me a free pie,” and “Imagine she didn’t pitch? I promise you, I promise you, I’ll hang myself. Ha ha ha” and “Ya, and then I’ll just have to eat you to survive.” (yip, that’s right; these are the people I work with) but 1 ‘o clock has come and gone, there has been no Lunch Lady and things have deteriorated… rather rapidly…

I swear to God it’s like something out of Night of the Living Dead in this place. Co workers are turning on each other like their lives depend on it. I even overheard Thelma, the 56 year old cleaning lady say things I’m not prepared to repeat. OK, I am. She said, “Slut!” which isn’t so crass except for the fact it come out of a 56 your old lady’s mouth but it made me chuckle so I felt it justified.

It’s not just Thelma, the receptionist is crying, the sales rep is rocking himself in the foetal position and Work Manager punched the wall right before he resigned. I walked into my office after a meeting and heard Abba blaring from Thrash’s computer… this world doesn’t make sense anymore!

I hope Lunch Lady is back tomorrow to restore order although I’m also worried for her safety on her return… people here don’t forgive or forget easily…

Oh! I wonder if Jason hung himself… probably no such luck.

Posted in - Ex Work Manager, - LT, - Thrash, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Mango still Grooving

Posted by lanktank on November 19, 2008

The other day, at work, I had to call the worst place you could possibly call. It’s the place we all fear most, but at some point in our lives, all have to face. Just talking about it now gives me chills but I’ll keep talking nevertheless… that’s right, it’s not the dentist, it’s not the bank… its Telkom.

God! Even finding the number for the division of Telkom I needed to speak to was an impossible task so I was suckered into dialling 1023. Isn’t this a piece of shite directory, where I get spoken to by the snootiest lady ever, who I’m not entirely sure is a real person. And has anyone else noticed how weirdly pitched she goes on the numbers when she talks; “You are twenTY…SEVen in the queue. Your call will be answered in approximately fouR… and a HALF minutes.” Followed by the most excruciating tune I have ever heard, “Na na, na naaaa, na na ni ni niiii! Da na da na, na na naaaa, ni ni niiiiii” (excuse my singing, I don’t have the best voice) and this repeats itself for the next fouR and a HALF minutes, until I finally get through to an operator but by now, I’ve forgotten why I called. So, I find myself asking, “Who is the composer of this song and where can I execute him?” Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - Ex Work Manager, - LT, - Thrash, Things that are Rubbish, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

R.I.P. Pigeon

Posted by lanktank on November 18, 2008

Breaking news, this just happened:

I’m sitting at work, drifting in and out of my two favourite daydreams:

1. Fighting crime and protecting the people of Gotham City alongside (Christian Bale version) Batman…and then we make out, obviously.


2. I can talk to whales and boy, do we have a time!

At this point I turn to stare out the window and right before the part when The Dark Knight turns to me and says, “LT, I couldn’t have done it without you. You know, ever since Rachel died, I didn’t think I could feel this way about another, but with you it’s different. I can really just be me, Batty, and for that, I love yo-”

BOOM! Read the rest of this entry »

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The Chronicles of Thrash, Metallica and Life as we know it

Posted by lanktank on November 14, 2008

Thrash – He’s a colleague of mine at work. When I arrive in the mornings he’s always the first person in the office. It then becomes just the two of us until about an hour later, when everyone else starts to arrive.

Thrash likes to listen to Thrash Metal. Thrash Metal you ask? Yes, Thrash Metal I tell you. I didn’t know what it was either but it’s everything you think it is (judging it by its genre name) and more. Let me inform you as to how I came know to this.

Once upon a time, I walked into the office and blaring from Thrash’s computer was the sound of what can only described as an animal being painfully executed. Being the “trying to make polite conversation” kind of person I am, I made the mistake of asking, “Hey man, what you listening to?”

This is what followed:

Thrash: Metallica.

LT (Me): Oh, rad, I dig Metallica. I got their Black album.

Thrash: Their Black album is KAK!


LT: Sorry… I also have their Load album.

Thrash: Their Load album? Get the fuck away from and never speak to me again. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - LT, - Thrash, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »