The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘advice’

Til I See You Again

Posted by lanktank on January 13, 2010

Dearest Lank Tank Readers…

This time has come to bid farewell.

Unfortunately due to demanding schedules and the pressures of a whole bunch of crap that really I’d prefer not to be doing; The Lank Tank has to go on a hiatus, if you will.

Thank you to all the regular readers – hell, even the sporadic ones! It’s been a blast and hopefully when time and circumstance permits it, we’ll be back.

A few thoughts I’d like to mention before I day cheers:

–          It’s never really as bad as it seems at the time. Unless you’re in a company meeting and shit your pants – then, yes, it is that bad.

–          Turns out, trying Karaoke once, isn’t that humiliating – but don’t make a habit out of it.

–          Don’t speak to people who wear Crocs .

–          If a guy is sms-ing you but never really making an effort to see you – he’s keeping his options open. He doesn’t actually like you.

–          Singing to your bride on your wedding day is lame…always. Unless it’s reeeeeally funny.

–          Never trust a pink giraffe… they’ll take all your money.

–          It’s never ok to listen to pan-flute music… not even “now and then.” (Sorry Gran)

–          You can drink as much as you like on Sundays as long as you’re home by 8.

Keep well, and chat soon!

LT out.

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Jobs I wish were taken more seriously

Posted by lanktank on July 1, 2009

1.    The Car guard – I don’t think a luminous jacket covers it. Wouldn’t it be great if they had a batten or nunchucks and wore ninja outfits (or at least the piece of cloth around the head)? Maybe a little certificate on the wall near where they stand with a laminated Diploma in Taekwondo.

2.    The Weather Anchor – Usually they’re quite chipper which is fine except who wants chipper when they’re telling you about below 10 degree weather and storms on the way? Come on! Your little five minute report either makes or breaks my entire day. We need real emotions here! I want it broken to me gently if it’s going to be raining ridiculously hard on the weekend. Be disappointed and hurt with the rest of us. I know you don’t actually have control over the weather per se but you’re the mediator between us and MN (Mother Nature)… show a little heart.

3.    Barman/woman/person – Don’t chat amongst yourselves when you see a massive crowd of thirsty patrons desperate for alcohol to sooth and numb their problems away. Take your role as alcohol provider with some pride. Sure, the bottle flaring is impressive… for about 2.5 seconds and then I just want my drink please. Now… please?

4.    Bank Tellers/Consultants – I think I’m looking for “more helpful” here. I mean, they’re strict enough; you pretty much have to provide a blood sample before they accept you are who you are. But polite? Accommodating? Pleasant? Acquiescent? These things, they are not. People are coming to you for loans and advice, and to complete transactions in their accounts with their own money! You know those little things you asked us to open up with you, promising us the world, only to feck us in the ear as soon as we signed the contract.

5.    Cell phone providers – You’re all a bunch of wanks. I don’t really have any tips here because I’m in a good space right now and don’t feel like having an aneurism. Management of these branches need to get their shite together and provide some in-house training. Can we put some systems in place? That’s all I ask.

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