The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘awkward’

Too much

Posted by lanktank on November 26, 2009

A client came in today at my work and I noticed that he laughs for way too long at his own jokes. We’ll be in a discussion, he’ll make a not-at-all funny joke and then crack up laughing… and laughing… and continue to laugh some more.

I give the obligatory chuckle to the crapness of the joke but sorry, that’s all I can do. And yet he carries on laughing, until it’s just him and silence. Why hasn’t he realised he’s an over-laugher?

The work colleague next to me, went through the same thing. They started talking, laughing began and my work colleague just stared at him. We both gave each other a “what the feck” look while waiting for the client to finish his hysterics.


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It happens

Posted by lanktank on November 23, 2009

You don’t want to be that person but we all have been at some point in our awkward, less than perfect lives…

You know,

–    That A-Hole who forgets to turn off their cell phone and it rings during a groom’s wedding speech.

–    Having a tickle in your throat and beginning to cough during a small, intimate theatre production.

–    Crying during a movie, in the cinema on your first date.

–    Being the nose sniffer during a crucial final exam. You can feel the people around you, staring, sighing, wishing an asteroid would land on your face.

–    Falling asleep during a work meeting. Not necessarily “full on” sleeping but your eyes are opening and closing at an abnormally slow pace.

–    Tripping as you walk into a house party… or a club.

–    Talking exceptionally loud at a party because the music is blasting but then it suddenly turns off. You’re still talking at that volume. Here, it never really matters what you’re actually saying, it’s always embarrassing. But usually whatever you are saying… is embarrassing.

–    Eating something and it’s so hot you have to spit it out. Only to look around and realise you’re in company.

I suppose we can take comfort to know that we’re not alone. It happens to everybody… unless it doesn’t and it’s just me! Oh no! Oh no! Don’t say it to be true!

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The Ex-troduction

Posted by lanktank on July 3, 2009

This entry was brought to you by Kappie

While I’m on the subject I’d like to touch a little on ex-girlfriends. Yes, just about every guy, and some girls, have at least one ex-girlfriend.

What’s worse than having an ex-girlfriend? Bumping into an ex-girlfriend, unless it’s to give you back your PlayStation, bottle of cognac or that T-shirt that has the really offensive writing on it.

First eye contact is made. You can tell how the rest of the encounter is going to go from the look on her face or yours. Surprise is a good first facial expression. This is usually followed by a rather awkward look down or to the side. Now you start to wonder if you should go over and be polite. Maybe even drop a hug, but there’s always that fear of you with your arms wide open, while she just stands there, arms folded just staring at you. You might as well hug a pole…or a toilet bowl if you decide to binge drink after the encounter.

No one (me) really knows why it should even be awkward in the first place. I mean your ex didn’t always used to be your ex. You used to be really close and tell each other all sorts of things, but now it’s like you don’t even know one another. Is it because you’ve more than likely seen each other naked and now scared the other one is picturing you naked right now? Is it maybe because she still has a good relationship with your mother who has now become a double agent? Is it because the other person really knows what a freak you are? Who knows, but whatever the reason, it still remains all awkward.

So, I have come up with a couple unorthodox ways of making things less awkward:

-Move far, far away. Not Jupiter far, but maybe just Mars far.

-Faking your death could work, if she doesn’t rock up at your fake funeral.

-You could change the way you look, your number and even your religion.

-How about introducing her to a friend like Jimbo that will soon make her move away?

-Alternatively you could try date again, break up and see if it’s not as awkward the second (third, fourth, fifth…) time.

-Date her mother. Not going to make things less awkward, but thought I’d just throw that in there.

None of these will probably work, but good luck anyway.

Kappie out.

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Spreading the Awkwardness

Posted by Carl Schutte on May 15, 2009

A C-Dawg find

A friend at work just sent me this:

Brilliant! Check it out…

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