The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘bumping into’

The Ex-troduction

Posted by lanktank on July 3, 2009

This entry was brought to you by Kappie

While I’m on the subject I’d like to touch a little on ex-girlfriends. Yes, just about every guy, and some girls, have at least one ex-girlfriend.

What’s worse than having an ex-girlfriend? Bumping into an ex-girlfriend, unless it’s to give you back your PlayStation, bottle of cognac or that T-shirt that has the really offensive writing on it.

First eye contact is made. You can tell how the rest of the encounter is going to go from the look on her face or yours. Surprise is a good first facial expression. This is usually followed by a rather awkward look down or to the side. Now you start to wonder if you should go over and be polite. Maybe even drop a hug, but there’s always that fear of you with your arms wide open, while she just stands there, arms folded just staring at you. You might as well hug a pole…or a toilet bowl if you decide to binge drink after the encounter.

No one (me) really knows why it should even be awkward in the first place. I mean your ex didn’t always used to be your ex. You used to be really close and tell each other all sorts of things, but now it’s like you don’t even know one another. Is it because you’ve more than likely seen each other naked and now scared the other one is picturing you naked right now? Is it maybe because she still has a good relationship with your mother who has now become a double agent? Is it because the other person really knows what a freak you are? Who knows, but whatever the reason, it still remains all awkward.

So, I have come up with a couple unorthodox ways of making things less awkward:

-Move far, far away. Not Jupiter far, but maybe just Mars far.

-Faking your death could work, if she doesn’t rock up at your fake funeral.

-You could change the way you look, your number and even your religion.

-How about introducing her to a friend like Jimbo that will soon make her move away?

-Alternatively you could try date again, break up and see if it’s not as awkward the second (third, fourth, fifth…) time.

-Date her mother. Not going to make things less awkward, but thought I’d just throw that in there.

None of these will probably work, but good luck anyway.

Kappie out.

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