The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘car guard’

Jobs I wish were taken more seriously

Posted by lanktank on July 1, 2009

1.    The Car guard – I don’t think a luminous jacket covers it. Wouldn’t it be great if they had a batten or nunchucks and wore ninja outfits (or at least the piece of cloth around the head)? Maybe a little certificate on the wall near where they stand with a laminated Diploma in Taekwondo.

2.    The Weather Anchor – Usually they’re quite chipper which is fine except who wants chipper when they’re telling you about below 10 degree weather and storms on the way? Come on! Your little five minute report either makes or breaks my entire day. We need real emotions here! I want it broken to me gently if it’s going to be raining ridiculously hard on the weekend. Be disappointed and hurt with the rest of us. I know you don’t actually have control over the weather per se but you’re the mediator between us and MN (Mother Nature)… show a little heart.

3.    Barman/woman/person – Don’t chat amongst yourselves when you see a massive crowd of thirsty patrons desperate for alcohol to sooth and numb their problems away. Take your role as alcohol provider with some pride. Sure, the bottle flaring is impressive… for about 2.5 seconds and then I just want my drink please. Now… please?

4.    Bank Tellers/Consultants – I think I’m looking for “more helpful” here. I mean, they’re strict enough; you pretty much have to provide a blood sample before they accept you are who you are. But polite? Accommodating? Pleasant? Acquiescent? These things, they are not. People are coming to you for loans and advice, and to complete transactions in their accounts with their own money! You know those little things you asked us to open up with you, promising us the world, only to feck us in the ear as soon as we signed the contract.

5.    Cell phone providers – You’re all a bunch of wanks. I don’t really have any tips here because I’m in a good space right now and don’t feel like having an aneurism. Management of these branches need to get their shite together and provide some in-house training. Can we put some systems in place? That’s all I ask.

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The Driveway Incident

Posted by lanktank on November 17, 2008

Fakeme and I live in an apartment above a block of shops. I say “apartment” because it’s not really a flat and it’s not really a house so I went with “apartment” but it does sound very Americanish feel to it which wasn’t the intention but let’s roll with it.

Because we live above a block of various shops (the bottle store is a bonus), the road gets very busy and occasionally (by “occasionally” I mean often) we find cars parked in front of our driveway. Again, I say “we” but for some reason this NEVER happens to Fakeme. Many times, I have tried to get in or out of our driveway but am blocked by some big ass Bakkie, Land Rover, Jeep (it’s always the big cars) and Fakeme thinks this is hilarious!

I, on the other hand, begin perspiring blood and random thoughts of murdering people with an ice pick flow through my brain. Read the rest of this entry »

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