The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

So

Posted by lanktank on December 22, 2009

Christmas is upon us.

The sun is a-shining

The people are a-shopping

I am a-working… and therefore a-drinking heavily to work through this turmoil.

Only joking… but not really.

But how are things with you? Really? What’s going on inside that crazy, complicated head of yours?

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Anyone else? #16

Posted by lanktank on December 14, 2009

Anyone else notice that all three members of the Sugarbabes are entirely different to the original three girls which started the group in the beginning?

Anyone else care?

Anyone else cannot believe it is already December and so nearly Christmas?

Anyone else over that disbelief?

Anyone else know what they doing for New Years?

Anyone else not even thought about New Years?

Anyone else working the whole if December?

Anyone else allergic to cats?

Anyone else wanna party like it’s their b-day?

Go Shorty.

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Too Early?

Posted by lanktank on November 20, 2009

Yesterday I drove past a middle-aged fat man, sitting in a bakkie, wearing no shirt and a Santa’s hat.

Today I arrived at work and Boney M was blaring from the office.

Christmas is upon us…. you’ve been warned.

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Happy 2009

Posted by lanktank on January 4, 2009

Well, not so much “Happy” but rather: 2009!

I hope this is a year that brings us all happiness, success, and unforgettable moments. Well, not everyone, otherwise how would we know if things are going well for us, if we can’t compare it to someone else’s misfortune?

I must say 2008 couldn’t have ended a moment too soon. I’m not saying it was a bad year per se, but it had certainly run its course. What have I been doing the past 10 days I hear you ask?

It’s time for the Highlights of my 2008 ending: Read the rest of this entry »

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Seinfeld saves the day

Posted by lanktank on December 22, 2008

I was out the other night for a friend’s birthday party. It was one of those parties’ where you know the person that invited you… and that’s pretty much it. So when you’re in situations such as this one, it’s essential to find things that make you look busy.

My usual routine involves taking the longest possible route to the bar, then once I’m there; spending an abnormal amount of time getting a drink, drinking a drink etc. Checking my phone a couple of times and fake smsing is always a goodie, taking a trip to the bathroom stalls a little more time, especially if there’s a queue, until eventually managing to subtly edge my way into a conversation with a group of people who may or may not notice me, but at least I’m not standing by myself.

I followed this procedure and made my why to the group standing closest to the bar. If nothing else, I thought I could at least talk to them about their strategic positioning from dance floor to bar vicinity. However, no matter how hard I attempted to converse with these people they didn’t seem interested in having me there. Try as I might, every joke, every topic, every noise that came out of my mouth was given a stern look, an ever so soft, “tsk” before resuming their discussion on pot plants or coasters or whatever drivel that was spewing out of their mouths.  (Do I sound bitter?) Here I am, working my bee-hind off, coming up with gold! Gold I tell you! Only to be given the  old shoulder edge out of the circle. Who did they think they were? Giving me the shoulder edge? I invented the shoulder edge! (I didn’t but you get me)
Just as I was about to call it quits, I overheard one of the guys in the group trying to tell the other guy a bit from Seinfeld’s stand up, “I’m telling you for the last time,” but he kept forgetting the punch line (typical). As I consider myself somewhat of a Seinfeld enthusiast, I grabbed this opportunity and quickly intervened… “Greatest guy in the world, never heard of him… The guy must’ve be thinking, if I had a pimple I would’ve won!”

I totally didn’t set that punch line up for you but if you haven’t watched this stand-up before, then I’m not sure I even want you reading this blog… that’s right, you heard me, GET OUTTA HERE!

I’m kidding! Come back! Come back! Come baaaaaack!

But you really should watch: the Jerry Seinfeld, ‘I’m telling you for the last time” DVD. You’ll be a better person for it, or at least a funnier one.

Anyway, thanks to Seinfeld, I was back in the game, suddenly well respected and deemed acceptable to talk to. Things were going great until I mentioned Ricky Gervais. They had never heard of him, so now it was my turn to snub them… and snub them I did! “You don’t know who Ricky Gervais is? I’m sorry, and we were getting along so well, but this conversation is over…”

Now, if you don’t know who Ricky Gervais is, then you really do need to stop reading this blog.

Kidding….no….yes I am…not really…of course I am…NOT…maybe…am…

It’s nearly Christmas, I’m losing it. Sorry.

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The Miranda Fiasco

Posted by lanktank on December 12, 2008

My brother is coming home briefly for Christmas. He’s taking time out of his impressively busy schedule to make an appearance back home. I haven’t seen him in a number of years and I don’t think we’ve spent a Christmas together for about seven, so it’s nice that he’ll be here and I’m looking forward to it. However, I’ll tell you what I’m not looking forward to; I’m not looking forward to me going invisible for the next two weeks.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned my brother (we’ll call him First Child) before now but let’s just say, “Over achieving, takes all the glory, traveled all over the world and parents’ favourite child” is an understatement for what he really is. I swear to God, people literally forget my name when he’s around. I become known as “First Child’s Sister” and this is how people refer to me for the rest of the evening, that’s if I even get acknowledged at all.

To be fair to him and my parents, I’ve done very little in my life worth mentioning to anybody, but that’s not the point. Is it?

OK, I hear you, you think I’m over-reacting. You’re thinking, calm down LT, you’re totally exaggerating things. Am I? Am I really? No no, but reeeeeally? Let me now re-enact a little saga, I like to call; The Miranda Fiasco….

It was just your typical Sunday afternoon, the sun was out, the day was warm but Autumn was amidst in the air. I was still living at home… going through one of my “not having a job” phases. My parents were on their way to an extended family braai, it may have been someone’s birthday, I forget, but they insisted that I tag along. That’s one of the disadvantages of being jobless, you’re sort of forced to do anything your parents ask of you.

So I went along, if for nothing else I knew there would be a good spread. There’s always a lot of food at these things and I intended on becoming one with it. As we arrived, I headed for the kitchen. While I was dipping into the potato salad, I was interrupted by a British lady whom I had never met before… Miranda… Read the rest of this entry »

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