We’ve said them and we’ve heard them but what do they really mean? This is the unwritten code, “Da Vinci style” for the following break-up clichés:
Break-Up Cliché 1: I think we should just be friends.
Really means: I never want to see you again. If I don’t want to sleep with you anymore, I don’t want to hang out with you anymore.
Break-Up Cliché 2: It’s not you, it’s me.
Really means: Of course it’s you. I know me; I love me, why would I suddenly not want to be around me?
Break-Up Cliché 3: You deserve more.
Really means: I’ve lost a bit of weight, got a new haircut and people have noticed. I think I can do better.
Break-Up Cliché 4: I think we should take a break.
Really means: I’m going to go out and hook up with randoms, scope out the new dating scene and hopefully find someone better than you but if not, in a couple of weeks, suggest that we get back together, knowing that we will inevitably break-up again.
Break-Up Cliché 5: I see us more as friends than as a couple.
Really means: I am not attracted to you in the slightest. Seriously, my Aunt Matilda has more sex appeal to me than you ever will.
Break-Up Cliché 6: Maybe if we had met at a different time?
Really means: Maybe if you’d given more head?
Break-Up Cliché 7: Maybe if things weren’t so complicated?
Really means: Maybe if you’d given some head?
Break-Up Cliché 8: I’m just not ready for a relationship…
Really means: With you. I will never date you… ever. Even if- no, no, no: Never.
Break-Up Cliché 9: I’m not emotionally available right now.
Really means: I like having sex with you but not the talking, cuddling, having to be monogamous to you parts. If I don’t have to do any of that, I will continue sleeping with you when it suits me, until you predictably want more and I will remind you of the “emotional unavailability disorder” I have and point out that this is really all your fault.
Break-Up Cliché 10: I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.
Really means: In fact I don’t know if, thinking back on it all, I ever did?
