The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘conversation’

Those People…

Posted by lanktank on November 11, 2009

There are various social situations which become the norm in life and when one breaks away from the norm, it’s not inspired but rather annoying and they should be castrated for such actions. I’m referring to

Those people:

–    Who ask how you are, to which you reply; “Fine thanks and you?” Only to have them respond; “Oh, not well.”
Great, now I know where the next 25 minutes are going. You suckered me into asking how you were only to blab about how your boss sucks and you’re considering quitting to join a conservation expedition for a year or 2 so you can find yourself.

–    Who ask too many questions when you barely know them. Can we not stick to the basic chit chat? I don’t know you and clearly we haven’t made a “friendship” connection so; let’s just stay with the weather and what we do for a living shall we? I’m not comfortable enough with you to talk about my dead Manchester Terrier or the fight I had with my best friend last week. And I’m certainly not interested in your hernia operation or the awful experience you had at the salon. It’s awkward, so stop talking.

–    Who have to explain a joke to you after you’ve just made it. It’s like; “Yes, thanks for breaking it down for me. I almost forgot why it was funny. Phew, you’re a life saver.” You know what isn’t funny? That.

–    Who don’t know when to end a conversation. You kind of know them and run into them in the mall. You make the usual; “fancy meeting you here,” and “so what brings you here,” comments and then it’s time to wrap things up. But they don’t. They just linger there, never taking the opportunity to walk away. Even when you say things like; “Aaaanyway…” and “Well you look at the time…” they still don’t get the hint. Why? Why won’t you leave? Walk away!

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Seinfeld saves the day

Posted by lanktank on December 22, 2008

I was out the other night for a friend’s birthday party. It was one of those parties’ where you know the person that invited you… and that’s pretty much it. So when you’re in situations such as this one, it’s essential to find things that make you look busy.

My usual routine involves taking the longest possible route to the bar, then once I’m there; spending an abnormal amount of time getting a drink, drinking a drink etc. Checking my phone a couple of times and fake smsing is always a goodie, taking a trip to the bathroom stalls a little more time, especially if there’s a queue, until eventually managing to subtly edge my way into a conversation with a group of people who may or may not notice me, but at least I’m not standing by myself.

I followed this procedure and made my why to the group standing closest to the bar. If nothing else, I thought I could at least talk to them about their strategic positioning from dance floor to bar vicinity. However, no matter how hard I attempted to converse with these people they didn’t seem interested in having me there. Try as I might, every joke, every topic, every noise that came out of my mouth was given a stern look, an ever so soft, “tsk” before resuming their discussion on pot plants or coasters or whatever drivel that was spewing out of their mouths.  (Do I sound bitter?) Here I am, working my bee-hind off, coming up with gold! Gold I tell you! Only to be given the  old shoulder edge out of the circle. Who did they think they were? Giving me the shoulder edge? I invented the shoulder edge! (I didn’t but you get me)
Just as I was about to call it quits, I overheard one of the guys in the group trying to tell the other guy a bit from Seinfeld’s stand up, “I’m telling you for the last time,” but he kept forgetting the punch line (typical). As I consider myself somewhat of a Seinfeld enthusiast, I grabbed this opportunity and quickly intervened… “Greatest guy in the world, never heard of him… The guy must’ve be thinking, if I had a pimple I would’ve won!”

I totally didn’t set that punch line up for you but if you haven’t watched this stand-up before, then I’m not sure I even want you reading this blog… that’s right, you heard me, GET OUTTA HERE!

I’m kidding! Come back! Come back! Come baaaaaack!

But you really should watch: the Jerry Seinfeld, ‘I’m telling you for the last time” DVD. You’ll be a better person for it, or at least a funnier one.

Anyway, thanks to Seinfeld, I was back in the game, suddenly well respected and deemed acceptable to talk to. Things were going great until I mentioned Ricky Gervais. They had never heard of him, so now it was my turn to snub them… and snub them I did! “You don’t know who Ricky Gervais is? I’m sorry, and we were getting along so well, but this conversation is over…”

Now, if you don’t know who Ricky Gervais is, then you really do need to stop reading this blog.

Kidding….no….yes I am…not really…of course I am…NOT…maybe…am…

It’s nearly Christmas, I’m losing it. Sorry.

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