The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘gym’

E-Liarable Bachelor

Posted by lanktank on October 14, 2009

A post by Kappie

While I’m walking past the television, I happen to hear that a certain programme has a competition for the most eligible bachelor. Sounding insane to you? No?

Okay, so I presume there are going to be a number of single men, who all work out, have successful careers and ‘care’ for the environment. This is fine, but do we need an award for them?

First of all WHY are they still single? Do they secretly have the filthiest mouths alive? Built like Ken of the Barbie fame (as in no tackle or berries)? Have candy floss for brains and have only managed to get where they are based on their looks? I mean it is a little known fact that pretty people are more successful. Jimbo told me that.

The most obvious reason why these men are single is that they must be gay. Right? But I’m sure even gay men would find them attractive. So, why the singleness?

Perhaps if they spent a little less time in the gym and on lame television programmes they’d found someone already. Maybe they’re liars and aren’t single, but the television programme told them to say that so more women would watch. Check for wedding ring marks on their fingers ladies.

It basically boils down to even though C-Dawg and Kappie are single; we’re still not winning the eligible bachelor award. And who would want to? “Well done! You’ve just won this award for being the guy who shouldn’t be single the most, but IS! Lube is behind the stage…wanker!”

Posted in - Kappie | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

SA Cricket and iPods

Posted by lanktank on June 19, 2009

So…we lost. South Africa: The favourites, the Twenty-Twenty Gods and not to mention the only team in the tournament to win seven matches in a row… are also the chokers. WHY? Why in the semi-final? Not even the final. Another match springs to mind when I think back on World Cup semi-final choking… I dare not mention it but I’m sure we all know exactly which one I speak of.

Despite this, I’m still proud of the lads (that’s soooo cricket! To say, “lads”) and I’m pretty sure we’re still awesome. To be honest, I wasn’t even aware the semi’s were last night until I got to the gym (my monthly visit) after work. I walked over to the cross-trainer, climbed on and began unwinding the earphones of my iPod. At this moment the man next to me attempted to commence a conversation with me. Not one to be rude but also not one fit enough to be able to physically speak while on my cardio workout, I replied with very short answers while clearly displaying the iPod and my intention of using it.

Initially this system worked, for the first 4 minutes anyway. Then, even with my iPod on and the sound to the max, I would notice him talking and then looking at me. I would then have to remove the left earphone out of my ear and shout, “Excuse me?” He would repeat the question; I would answer and continue listening to my iPod.

I was confused. Isn’t there a standard Gym/ iPod etiquette where if you’re choosing to listen to an iPod, you’re not really in conversation mode?

My next strategy was to look straight ahead no matter what. I would stare out of the window intently, as if my life depended on it and not move my neck an inch to the left or right. This, along with Britney blaring into my ears was pretty much the equivalent to wearing a big DO NOT DISTURB sign on my back. Surely?

No, not at all. He just started tapping me on the shoulder. Of course, why wouldn’t he? I know his kind, the personal space invader kind. The kind who like to get up in your face, oblivious to the social norms of daily living, or they’re not oblivious but they don’t care. They don’t give a rat’s tail. They’re like an infection just waiting to spread their little infectious disease. And just before I thought I was going to lose it, he tapped me on the shoulder, I turned around abruptly, red-faced (mainly from the workout though) and snarled, “What?” He looked at me, excitedly and said; “South Africa just got their first wicket.”

And I looked back, smiled and replied, “Thank you for telling me.”

For some reason, all was forgiven.

Posted in - LT | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Gymming Techniques

Posted by lanktank on March 18, 2009

I was at the gym last week – wow, there’s a sentence you don’t hear come out my mouth too often – but I was, believe it or not. Those who know me are going to choose not but I assure you it was true. I felt somewhat inspired, to get into shape last week, so I scraped the dust off the old membership card and went on my way. If only the inspiration had continued to this current week but alas.

Anyway, I was at the gym last week, and I noticed 3 things:

1. The Gym Instructor was fat – Now I’m not one to discriminate but surely, if you’re selling a service and in this case it is: a client pays you to instruct them on how to get fit and lose weight; you really should be living proof that it works. What other bases do people have to go on? As shallow as this sounds. And she wasn’t a little chubby, she was a porker. The first thing people are thinking is, “if she can’t keep herself in shape, how will she get me in shape?” Maybe she is good at what she does and knows all the secret methods of gym techniques but likes to carry some extra baggage around? Unfortunately, people are judgmental mother effers and we don’t think like that.

2. My right arm is longer that my left – I mentioned this in a previous post and I think it’s true. I was busy busting some dumbbells in the weights section (I know, it just gets more absurd) because when I’m older saggy arms actually scares me more than saggy boobs, when I noticed this abnormality. I look skew! I dropped the weights in my panic (the 80 year old man benching 40kg’s in comparison to my 4 was displeased) and went in search of a tape measure. The gym didn’t have one, how bizarre! So as I left I made a, “what kind of gym is this” remark and preceded home on my pursuit to find a measuring device of sorts. *** Read the rest of this entry »

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