The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘illegal’

The Evolution of Man

Posted by Carl Schutte on September 16, 2009

I sort of felt that I had to share this one.

Outside my office we have a 24hr security desk. The guys work really long 10 hour shifts just sitting at that desk with very little to do.

So, the powers that be amongst the office thought of something nice we could do for them. Ideas were bounced around and we decided to put one of our old computers outside for them.

Something basic, without any internet connectivity, but running MS Office. The idea was that these guys could learn to use the computer and start using some basic office applications for their own benefit. So, we organised and the guys were over the moon.

They initially started playing around in Windows, then started using MS Office.

After that they got a bit bored of things, so they organised a few basic games.

Where previously I would arrive/leave and be greeted in a friendly manner, now they barely look away from the screen.

The guys working the long night shift also started watching the occasional movie. Hey, I don’t blame them – what else are you supposed to do at 03:00 in the morning?!

However, things have recently taken a turn for the worse. I’ve noticed that when I walk to the bathroom, the computer screen has been strategically turned so that nobody can see what they’re watching. Also, where they previously used the external speakers provided, they’re now using headphones. I’ve since learned that they are now in fact watching porn.

Amazing how an idea with such good intentions always ends in illegal porn.

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Driveway Incident 2

Posted by lanktank on March 1, 2009

It happened again… Well, it’s happened a few times since my last beef about it but this is the only one worth mentioning: Big, fancy driving car A-Hole parked in front of my driveway… again.

So Dmeister is moving, he bought a new TV and didn’t know what to do with his old one. Since I happen to like television and don’t have one in my room (not like everyone does but I want one), I offered to take it off his hands…for now anyway.

He agreed and put the TV into my car for me. Before I departed into the sunset, he called out to me and said, “Take good care of her!” And I promised that I would.

The drive home felt like a long one. I kept looking in the rear view mirror to check if it was OK, like a baby strapped into its little car seat. If only they made “TV on Board” stickers too! As I turned the corner into my road, I could already see it in the distance… BMW X3 fuck-ing-wank-shit-arse… parked in front of my driveway. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????

What did I do in my past life, I ask you? Maybe I used to pinch small babies or throw stones at peasants and now, this is my payback. Well haven’t I suffered enough?

With temperatures rising I looked for another place to park. But there was nowhere. It’s peak shopping times and I couldn’t even find a pavement to ramp (not that I’m condoning one illegal parking activity with another). I end up parking around the block, down the road and now I’m in a predicament.

The TV…I can’t leave it in the car. I live in a relatively common smash and grab area and considering this isn’t my television, I wasn’t prepared to risk it. But it’s so heavy. The original idea was to park in my driveway and leave it in my car, behind closed walls and wait for a more burly person than myself to carry it up the 3 flights of stairs for me. This idea was now out the window.

After much debate, I decided to attempt to carry it. This was not an easy task. This TV is old school and has a huge back part which I could barely hang on to. I managed to waddle a few steps, then pause… another few steps…then I cursed… just a few more steps… but oh no, I’m about to drop this thing…I’m now outside my driveway and guess who decides to return to his BMW X3 fuck-ing-wank-shit-arse… mobile? He sees me – red-faced, sweating, angry and in panic because I’m about to drop this TV thereby smashing it all over the pavement – pauses and then climbs into his car.

Was I going to let this moment pass me by? I think not… Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in - LT, Things that are Rubbish | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »