The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘jokes’

Too much

Posted by lanktank on November 26, 2009

A client came in today at my work and I noticed that he laughs for way too long at his own jokes. We’ll be in a discussion, he’ll make a not-at-all funny joke and then crack up laughing… and laughing… and continue to laugh some more.

I give the obligatory chuckle to the crapness of the joke but sorry, that’s all I can do. And yet he carries on laughing, until it’s just him and silence. Why hasn’t he realised he’s an over-laugher?

The work colleague next to me, went through the same thing. They started talking, laughing began and my work colleague just stared at him. We both gave each other a “what the feck” look while waiting for the client to finish his hysterics.


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Those People…

Posted by lanktank on November 11, 2009

There are various social situations which become the norm in life and when one breaks away from the norm, it’s not inspired but rather annoying and they should be castrated for such actions. I’m referring to

Those people:

–    Who ask how you are, to which you reply; “Fine thanks and you?” Only to have them respond; “Oh, not well.”
Great, now I know where the next 25 minutes are going. You suckered me into asking how you were only to blab about how your boss sucks and you’re considering quitting to join a conservation expedition for a year or 2 so you can find yourself.

–    Who ask too many questions when you barely know them. Can we not stick to the basic chit chat? I don’t know you and clearly we haven’t made a “friendship” connection so; let’s just stay with the weather and what we do for a living shall we? I’m not comfortable enough with you to talk about my dead Manchester Terrier or the fight I had with my best friend last week. And I’m certainly not interested in your hernia operation or the awful experience you had at the salon. It’s awkward, so stop talking.

–    Who have to explain a joke to you after you’ve just made it. It’s like; “Yes, thanks for breaking it down for me. I almost forgot why it was funny. Phew, you’re a life saver.” You know what isn’t funny? That.

–    Who don’t know when to end a conversation. You kind of know them and run into them in the mall. You make the usual; “fancy meeting you here,” and “so what brings you here,” comments and then it’s time to wrap things up. But they don’t. They just linger there, never taking the opportunity to walk away. Even when you say things like; “Aaaanyway…” and “Well you look at the time…” they still don’t get the hint. Why? Why won’t you leave? Walk away!

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On jokes in bad taste

Posted by Laurence on July 7, 2009

This entry was brought to you by FirstChild

We here at the Tank were big Micheal Jackson fans. We are that age. And we were a little upset by people’s responses to his sad passing. For a start, there was just not enough break for the jokes. In some cases it was just a couple of hours. Too soon! And you know those jokes were recycled. Like the playstation one. Not only was it in poor taste, but “they” (the joke makers) didnt even update it to be an xbox 360 or a wii. Lazy. There is a tradeoff between poor taste and funniness. The funnier, the more poor taste you are allowed. Another thing, already the conspiracy theories have started. Its wrong. Our recommendation is that you’re meant to wait at least a week for the jokes, and a month for the conspiracy theories. Basics.

A different issue is everyone forgetting about Iran. Like, oh well, maybe we’ll get ’em next time (yeah you, Ahmadi-Nejad, what’s the deal with the hyphenation everyone is doing now anyway??). Yeah ok, we see you guys in green are getting beaten, locked up without charge, murdered etc, but hello, world’s biggest selling popstar is dead. And allegedly from a medication addiction… We’re shocked. Shocked!

Anyway,respect to MJ for great music, and breaking racial barriers. We are sad for the  molestation charges, and all the other problems. This was a tragic life, and people have responded to his death in very different ways based often on the meaning of his music in their own lives. Everyone gets to have their own view on the veracity of the charges he faced, the manner in which he conducted his life, the importance of his music, and the meaning of his career.  Provided you’re not in a country like Iran, of course. Cause then your view better be state-approved. Anyway, no-one can deny that for many there aint no sunshine now he’s gone.

Here’s a classic

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Anyone got deo?

Posted by lanktank on May 20, 2009

So I possibly made a social faux pas the other day at work. I was having one of those days where I’d put a lot of layers of clothing on because I hate being cold and in the morning you can never tell how the weather is going to pan out.

Unfortunately once I arrived to the office, I couldn’t get the clothing to heater temperature ratio right. With my jacket on and the temperature in the office as it was, I was too hot. However, with the jacket off and just my long-sleeve tee and v-neck on, I was too cold. Dilemma.

I decided to leave the jacket on, until the point where I began to perspire… just a smidgen, nothing horrendous, but at that moment, I would take the jacket off.

Feeling just a little aware of the fact that this is a little strange, I turned to the work colleague next to me and quietly asked, “Hey, do you by any chance have some deo I could use?” (I thought, everything should be fine, but just in case, let me put on some protection…anti-perspirant protection.)

Work colleague next to me responds (a little louder than I’d hoped): What do you want?

LT(eh-hem, at a low murmur): Deodorant… do you have any?

Work Colleague: Na, sorry –

And before I could interject, this is what ensued…

Work Colleague (to the rest of the 17 people I work with): Hey guys! Anyone got deo for LT? She’s feeling a little stinky over here.

Before I could even blush, the amount of pithy remarks spewing out people’s mouths was already at an overwhelming rate.

Now every time I walk past someone, they hold their breath, or say things like, “Anyone seen LT?” “Uh ya, can’t you smell, she’s right behind you?”

Great! You feel a little self conscious one time…. and I’m stuck with this forever.

Suppose it will only be a matter of time until I resign now…

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Weekend joke

Posted by Carl Schutte on April 10, 2009

From C-Dawg

Today, at lunch I was running to my group’s table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled ‘SAFE!’ like a baseball umpire. FML

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, “Your nuts!” She meant, “YOU’RE nuts.” I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

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