The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘movies’

Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – Brad Pitt

Posted by lanktank on November 5, 2009

A Luwie pick

So the last few GIWKOOB have left a lot to be desired. We’ve had the lady-boy from Gossip Girl, which I am embarrassed to admit was my choice, and Kiefer who, whilst very cool, would not  be everyone’s definition of hot. So this time I’ve gone for a man whom there is not one person on this planet, has not either wished he was or was sleeping with (for most of us, either option would do).

In Fight Club, he had more muscles in his abdominals than I have in my entire body. In Meet Joe Black, he was party to the coolest death ever. Oceans 11, Snatch, Legends of the Fall, Troy, Seven, Mr and Mrs Smith… you name the movie, he was cool. He is also in QT’s latest offering, Inglorious Basterds… and I am willing to bet my bottom dollar he is cool in that. He has also slept with 2 of the hottest women ever born, Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. Right, before I get too excited, I give you my choice for GIWKOOB, Brad Pitt…


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The Evolution of Man

Posted by Carl Schutte on September 16, 2009

I sort of felt that I had to share this one.

Outside my office we have a 24hr security desk. The guys work really long 10 hour shifts just sitting at that desk with very little to do.

So, the powers that be amongst the office thought of something nice we could do for them. Ideas were bounced around and we decided to put one of our old computers outside for them.

Something basic, without any internet connectivity, but running MS Office. The idea was that these guys could learn to use the computer and start using some basic office applications for their own benefit. So, we organised and the guys were over the moon.

They initially started playing around in Windows, then started using MS Office.

After that they got a bit bored of things, so they organised a few basic games.

Where previously I would arrive/leave and be greeted in a friendly manner, now they barely look away from the screen.

The guys working the long night shift also started watching the occasional movie. Hey, I don’t blame them – what else are you supposed to do at 03:00 in the morning?!

However, things have recently taken a turn for the worse. I’ve noticed that when I walk to the bathroom, the computer screen has been strategically turned so that nobody can see what they’re watching. Also, where they previously used the external speakers provided, they’re now using headphones. I’ve since learned that they are now in fact watching porn.

Amazing how an idea with such good intentions always ends in illegal porn.

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Mystery Movies

Posted by lanktank on September 14, 2009

There are some movies that, although are not particularly remarkable, we still watch. It’s not a great film, it’s more of an OK film but somehow, it’s still a movie I find myself watching and enjoying. Or at least remembering that I did enjoy it.

Or maybe they’re just the movies that are always on TV….

Face Off
The Cutting Edge (this is a classic though, I don’t think it should really be on this list… personally)
Save the Last Dance
The Mighty Ducks (first movie)
Coyote Ugly
Center stage
Gone in Sixty Seconds
Look Who’s Talking

Ok, I’m out, it’s Sunday night, I’m struggling…. what have you got?

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They’re cats and they look like Hitler

Posted by lanktank on August 30, 2009

So I’m sitting in the TV room with FirstChild and we’re flicking the remote back and forth between the two movie channels. The movies in question are Blonde Ambition starring Jessica Simpson and Luke Wilson and My Super Ex-Girlfriend starring Uma Thurman and guess who? Luke Wilson!

This could be the worst hour of both our lives. These are possibly the worst 2 movies I have ever sat through. We’re trying to establish why they’re so bad. Is it the acting, direction or possibly the writing? Story line is abysmal.

The one with Uma Thurman is marginally better but I think it’s because Jessica Simpson makes me want to cut my own arm off. And shame on you Luke Wilson, what were you thinking?

This is my Public Announcement for the week: NEVER WATCH THESE MOVIES, EVER…. EVER…..ever.

Something far more enjoyable: Cats that look like Hitler!!!

Check it out:

It will definitely make you chuckle….maybe just a little.

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Underrated films I’ve watched and think are underrated:

Posted by lanktank on July 28, 2009

One of my more creative titles I know.

Here are some films I think should have been given more praise than received. (Unless they were and I’m just under a rock):

Go – Awesome film. I’m not sure why this didn’t get the credit it deserved. I think it’s because it came out at the same time as like 4 other teen movies and just got slumped on the pile. Except this isn’t a teen movie. Not at all. And I’m pretty sure it’s the best thing Katie Holmes has ever been in. It’s funny, it’ll have you gripped and it’s one of those movies that’s shot from different people’s perspective… but not in a shit way.

Rounders – The movie about poker with Matt Damon and Edward Norton. I thought this was a great film. Great dialogue and cool poker game scenes. A solid viewing.

Bowfinger – Possibly the funniest movie I have seen both Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin in. The story is about a director who goes about making a movie with a really famous actor, except the actor isn’t aware he is in the film. There’s a scene when someone has to cross a highway… I remember almost peeing in my pants.

Rules of Attraction
– Based on a book and certainly not one to watch with the parents, Rules of Attraction is quite the graphic movie. Funnily enough, also shot from different perspectives of people and also starring an ex-Dawson’s Creek character which I consider their best role yet (James van der Beeck). This movie is really cool to watch. In the first 60 seconds you may feel like retching but that’s the worst it gets.

Death To Smoochy
– A black comedy about a host of a children’s television show getting fired for taking payola and decides to plot revenge against his replacement, a rhino named Smoochy. There were moments in this movie where I cried with laughter. Tears actually streamed down my face. I heard it tanked in the States (which I get) but it was gold. It had big names in it too: Danny DeVito, Edward Norton, Catherine Keener, Robin Williams (funniest he’s ever been) and Jon Stewart.

Ok, that’s five for now but there must be more. Maybe we’ll do this again sometime. That’s sounds very vague… like at the end of a date; “Maybe we’ll do this again sometime.” What does that mean? Will we do this again? Or are you ending this politely?”

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Harry Potter – I Don’t Get It

Posted by Carl Schutte on July 14, 2009

Let me just start by saying that I’m not a fan of the Harry Potter franchise.

I have no intention of reading the books, as I feel that there is a strong likelihood of them being as boring as the movies.

I had not seen a single Harry Potter movie until 2007. My friends kept going on about how great they were and how I absolutely had to watch them.

I’d held out long enough, hoping for the hype to die down. Could it be that this Harry Potter nonsense actually has some substance?!

So I watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. It was rubbish. Let the magic begin. More like let the wasted hours of my life begin. A movie about a bunch of toddlers doing stupid levitation spells. Yawn.

OK, it’s supposed to get better. So, I press on to watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Now they proceed to add a stupid character called Dobby, who is only mildly less annoying than Jar Jar Binks. I can’t even remember what this one was about; I’m guessing some secretive chamber. I’m sorry but including a flying car is not enough to get you nominated for an award – not as far as I’m concerned.

Now I’m promised that the movies become darker; that this childish fantasy will come to an end. Time to watch Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. This movie did give me some hope. There did appear to be a step towards a darker more adult theme. Let’s just take a moment to mention the tag line: “Something wicked this way comes.” Did they bring in master Yoda to write that for them? (Yes, I made another Star Wars reference!) I remember them including some more interesting creatures like griffins and werewolves. Let’s put this one down as the best one to date. Still, it’s not a classic by a long-shot. Also, I’m not even sure who the prisoner was… Read the rest of this entry »

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100 of the best

Posted by lanktank on June 5, 2009

This is a montage of the 100 best movie lines in 200 seconds.

Who doesn’t love a montage?

I think they nailed it except I didn’t see, “I’m walking here!”

Maybe I must watch again…

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I’d tap that – Amanda Bynes

Posted by lanktank on May 13, 2009

This blog entry was brought to you by Kappie

Calm down LT! I’m here. Back from the sunny skys of Brazil, where the cocktails were flowin- OK, on to more pressing matters:

She’s young, she acts pretty dumb and I want to make her…er…oh, look! A daisy growing in the garden. Who would of thunk it?

Anyway, introducing Amanda Bynes. Contrary to popular belief she is not the young teenager she once was in “The Amanda Show”. No, sir. She is now at a ripe age of 23. This brunette/blonde has held a soft spot in me for years now and although her movies sometimes bite the big one, she gets three thumbs up from me.


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Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – Denzel Washington

Posted by lanktank on April 24, 2009

An LT pick

Due to the last few guy choices we’ve made recently, the feeling seems to be that our title should change from “Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed,” to “Guy I would get arrested for.”

Funny? Yes, but  not exactly what we we’re going for. Besides, after Michael Cera (who is adorable! As well as a comic genius) and that cute guy West from Heroes Season 2, who would we really have left? So, to steer away from this particular angle, I’ve decided to pick an older, more experienced but still oh so yummy man (not boy…MAN!).

The chosen one; none other than Denzel Washington. That smile! I’m not sure what it is about his mouth but it’s so charming. I think it’s because he has a slight overbite but it’s not geeky, it’s endearing. And the man can act. I mean, Training Day, American Gangster, The Pelican Brief, Crimson Tide…these are good movies, no?

He’s pretty tall, I think 6’0, still looking in good shape and those eyes! He is gorgeous.

So we go for the older men too, not just the young-ins …. and no comments now about making this “Guy I would move to an old age home for.”

Although if Denzel was moving there…


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