The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘shopping’

Shopping without intent

Posted by lanktank on August 6, 2009

I went to Spar because I needed a quick lunch. I ended up pacing the isles only to buy the following:

1 x Avocado: Because I love Avo’s.

1 x Rye Bread: Well, technically it wasn’t Rye bread but rather contained 50% percent of Rye in it. It was either 50% or 15% but she had already told me twice and I felt too insecure to ask again.

1 x New cereal:
I’ve never seen on the shelves before. I literally cannot wait for breakfast tomorrow so I can try it.

1 x Tin of Soup: I don’t know why. The packaging didn’t even look enticing. Impulse buy – regretted.

1 x Chomp: Because the last place we stayed at on holiday had hippos at the bottom of the river and when we went for a walk we heard one grumble in the bushes and all ran for our lives. But since then, I can’t stop thinking about the Chomp Hippo. Chomp Hippo is far cuter than Real Hippo.

1 x Packet of 6 Mini Cheddars: Remember these? Purely bought because nostalgia of my childhood came flooding back. They were awesome back then! Turns out, not so much now. I ate a packet 7 hours ago and I still can’t get the aftertaste out of my mouth. Every time I breathe I can taste the lingering flavour of bacon cheddar. Not cool. And of course, I’m completely paranoid now about talking to anyone in case they smell my cheddar breath. So I’ve put earphones on and acted moody all day just so no one will come over and talk to me.

Not that they talk to me anyway…

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You know what they say about people with big feet?

Posted by lanktank on June 23, 2009

Really big shoes.

So I have big feet. It’s official. For years I’ve been playing the “I’m a size seven shoe” game as if a size seven was considered “average” or “typical” but the truth is, although a seven is considered large, it’s still “heard of” if you understand what I’m saying.

Sure, you get the occasional jester, who’ll say things like: “Your feet are so big, you don’t need water skis” or “Your feet are so big, a cop pulled you off the pavement and asked you for your licence and registration.” And of course, there’s the uninspired “Hey Bigfoot!” I like to call these people, wank knuckles. But all this is tolerated because despite this, it’s still considered acceptable to be a size seven.

However, there is not more denying it. No longer can I continue with this facade. I am not a size seven; in fact, I haven’t been for quite some time. I am…in actual fact…a…size…8. (Shudder!)

This realisation was recognised a few weeks ago when I decided to go to the mall on a Saturday morning to do a little shoe shopping. I had a birthday party in the afternoon but the two pairs I wanted (white pumps and black stilettos) I felt would be relatively easy to find. I would hit one or two shoe boutiques and be on the road again leaving plenty of time to get home and prepare myself for the party. Unfortunately, this was not to be. Instead fate had a different plan for me entirely. Read the rest of this entry »

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Slow shopper

Posted by lanktank on April 14, 2009

I’ve come to realise that I’m a slow mover when it comes to the checkout counter in supermarkets.

It’s at the point where you’ve paid your money and the till operator has given you your change and now you have to put the change away, quickly throw your wallet into your handbag, pick up your purchased items and get the hell away from the counter.

I can never do all of this quick enough. Even talking to you about it now, I’ve made it this long winded, drawn out process. But I’m not sure how anyone can do this swiftly. But they do… I’ve seen them. Groceries are grabbed, change is in the wallet, handbag is thrown over shoulder and they’re half way out the door before I’ve even lifted my tin of Milo out of the trolley. How do they do it?

I’m just so awkward about the whole thing no matter what I try. I’ll be in the queue, psyching myself up, purse is out and items are at the tips of my fingers ready to be lifted. However, when I approach the till, it all just goes awry. I’m never quick enough with my items and checkout lady ends up strumming her fingers with impatience. The next screw up is when she hands me the change. At this point, she’s already yelling, “Next customer!” But I’m still there, struggling to put the notes, in the “notes section” and the coins in the “compartment with the zip” of the wallet. And why do they always hand me the slip with the change? I don’t want the slip in my purse, I want it in the packet.

By now the next customer is next to me and half way through his items which are now getting muddled up with my items. This means, I have to sift through the packets making sure I don’t take anything of his as well. I end up leaving the counter roughly the same time as the person next to me and the whole thing is just embarrassing. Not only is checkout lady and random customer irritated with me but it makes me feel inferior. Inferior to the rest of the shopping community, like I don’t belong.

And maybe I don’t… but then how else can I get food and accessories?

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