The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘South Africa’

Guy I wouldn’t kick out of bed – Brandon Flowers

Posted by lanktank on December 18, 2009

A Luwie pick…

So, keeping it contemporary and I was honoured enough to be within 20m of this hottie on 4 December 2009. He is good-looking enough to be in a boy band but on the brightside, he rocks it with the Killers. Every woman at the Coca-Cola Dome and at the Val De Vie Estate, whether partnered or single, would’ve gone home with him had he asked. In fact, ask any woman, they would not mind being de-flowered by him. They’re only human after all. So why all the hot fuss? Well, my choice this week for GIWKOOB is the Killers front-man, Brandon Flowers…

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I’d tap that – Minki van der Westhuizen

Posted by lanktank on December 3, 2009

A Kappie pick

Another local lekker lassy is, Minki van der Wes…or is it still Visser?

I don’t know, but either way she’s still a hottie and worthy of your vote!

PS. Vote for Kappie’s choices and receive absolutely nothing, but the satisfaction of agreeing with him that his choices are indeed…AWESOME!

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Notorious Nathi, watcha gonna do?

Posted by DMeister on October 21, 2009

I’ve finally worked it out. I was always wondering why anyone would want to become a police officer. At least in South Africa.

I can imagine being a cop in some small American town where you know everyone’s names and the worst thing you’re going to face is a little old lady who needs to do some road crossing. Well until some serial killer moves to town (But no one’s going to expect a small town cop to sort that out – they’ll get Horatio in for that dilemma)

Anyway back to my story, being a cop in South Africa comes with a certain amount of disadvantages; those being, well, pretty much everything. And then at the end of a month which you’ve spent running away from criminals, being shot and shouted at; you get a little bit of money. I’m not sure how much but I’m pretty sure it’s a little?

But now I’ve finally seen why people do it and it’s all because of one man. One man inspiring the entire police force. And that man is Nathi Mthethwa (Minister of police) He’s like the gangster rapper of ministers. Driving expensive cars, staying in expensive hotels. I mean R235,000 for 14 days in a hotel. I know a whole lot of people that want that life and not just police. Pretty much everyone I know.

So I just wanted to say a big thank you to Nathi Mthethwa. Thanks for inspiring people to be what you are, where you are. You lead from the front.

Maybe you should start a career as a rapper, buy a boat and drink Hennessey from the bottle (not that I’m generalising). You can even change your name to Notorious Nathi, word!

Go Nathi, it's your birthday

Notorious Nathi

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Happy Heritage Day!

Posted by lanktank on September 24, 2009

Happy Heritage Day!


Celebrate your cultural heritage!

Promulgate your South African identity!

Braai that meat!

Chicken wings!


Tomato and onion relish with hotdog rolls from Woolworths!

Potato on the braai.

Salads and braai-broodjies.

hhmmm…. lamb chops….


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Cricket heroes coming home

Posted by lanktank on September 22, 2009

Maybe I think this article is really, reeeally funny, or maybe it’s because I don’t have anything else to post.

I guess we’ll never know…..

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SA Cricket and iPods

Posted by lanktank on June 19, 2009

So…we lost. South Africa: The favourites, the Twenty-Twenty Gods and not to mention the only team in the tournament to win seven matches in a row… are also the chokers. WHY? Why in the semi-final? Not even the final. Another match springs to mind when I think back on World Cup semi-final choking… I dare not mention it but I’m sure we all know exactly which one I speak of.

Despite this, I’m still proud of the lads (that’s soooo cricket! To say, “lads”) and I’m pretty sure we’re still awesome. To be honest, I wasn’t even aware the semi’s were last night until I got to the gym (my monthly visit) after work. I walked over to the cross-trainer, climbed on and began unwinding the earphones of my iPod. At this moment the man next to me attempted to commence a conversation with me. Not one to be rude but also not one fit enough to be able to physically speak while on my cardio workout, I replied with very short answers while clearly displaying the iPod and my intention of using it.

Initially this system worked, for the first 4 minutes anyway. Then, even with my iPod on and the sound to the max, I would notice him talking and then looking at me. I would then have to remove the left earphone out of my ear and shout, “Excuse me?” He would repeat the question; I would answer and continue listening to my iPod.

I was confused. Isn’t there a standard Gym/ iPod etiquette where if you’re choosing to listen to an iPod, you’re not really in conversation mode?

My next strategy was to look straight ahead no matter what. I would stare out of the window intently, as if my life depended on it and not move my neck an inch to the left or right. This, along with Britney blaring into my ears was pretty much the equivalent to wearing a big DO NOT DISTURB sign on my back. Surely?

No, not at all. He just started tapping me on the shoulder. Of course, why wouldn’t he? I know his kind, the personal space invader kind. The kind who like to get up in your face, oblivious to the social norms of daily living, or they’re not oblivious but they don’t care. They don’t give a rat’s tail. They’re like an infection just waiting to spread their little infectious disease. And just before I thought I was going to lose it, he tapped me on the shoulder, I turned around abruptly, red-faced (mainly from the workout though) and snarled, “What?” He looked at me, excitedly and said; “South Africa just got their first wicket.”

And I looked back, smiled and replied, “Thank you for telling me.”

For some reason, all was forgiven.

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The Oldies, Goodies & Uglies

Posted by lanktank on June 2, 2009

Obviously the fact that I’m no longer child makes me biased to the argument that I feel the shows I watched as a wee lass were WAY better than the programme kids have today.

Gummy Bears, Masters of the Universe, ThunderCats, My Little Pony: I could go on and on and on!

So I will:

Pumpkin Patch, Care Bears, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Road Runner (Meep Meep!), Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip ‘n Dale, Pinki and the Brain, Magic School Bus, Ducktales and of course, who could forget BRAVE STAR!!!

Eye of the hawk, Ears of a wolf,

Strength of a bear, speed of a Puma! Puma! Puma!

The graphics were sketchy I’ll admit and if I watched them now, perhaps I wouldn’t share the same love for them as I did but at least they had plots and story lines and even some decent humour.

But the thought I really wanted to share was those shows that we all watched but look back on now and have no idea why. OK, I know why: For lack of any other channels. But still, when I look back on it all now…. I’m ashamed, and by George, you should be too….

Alf – what the hell was this? Even at the young age I was, I KNEW it was just a guy in a suit. He wasn’t an alien, he wasn’t from outta-space. He was a frikken’ Chewbacca wannabee, with crappy one liners and a shitty, corkscrew nose.

Step By Step – Two airhead people decide to get remarried and bring their equally moronic children together under one roof to form one big, not-so-happy (but really they were) family. LAME, SHITE, CRAP! And remember the intro when they’re on that roller coaster? Unfortunately, I do.

Cedric The Crow – OK, so I didn’t hate this one but the fact that it was all just a rouse to get us to eat dried fruit, really is a little pathetic, isn’t it? I don’t care how cool Feather Foot Farm looked, I’m not eating Safari’s Apricot squares because Cedric told me to!

And the worst of them all……

Zet – Jesus I hated this programme. I hated it so much. Even when I was watching it I knew how much I hated it and yet, I continued to watch it. I’ll never know why and I’ll always have to live with that. Zet didn’t even speak a language! He literally mumbled and whined and said things like, “bakjfbghekbgfkbv bskgbsk aslkr;seri;ancl waaaalfgj” – This was Zet’s form of communication and only that lady could understand what he was saying. What did Zet even teach us? Was there any wisdom to his translations? And remember when he got a girlfriend – what was her name again? Oh yes, the very uninspired, “Zettie,” who looked EXACTLY the same as Zet except that she had a pink bow on her head. I hated her too. 25 minutes of this rubbish and we all sat through it. Again, I am ashamed and it will haunt me for my lifetime.

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Capped mofos!

Posted by lanktank on May 22, 2009

I’ve been capped.

Not “Gansta” capped like, “I’ll put a cap in your ass mutha f@cka!”

And not “peak” capped like someone throwing thousands of baseball, trucker and military hats at my head.

But rather, internet capped! For those of you living overseas (i.e. not in South Africa) this term “internet capping” may not be familiar to you. “What does she mean internet capping? Internet is limitless, isn’t it? I literally watch TV shows, movies and download 100’s of albums off the internet every day. Is this not normal?”

Well, it is… EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD. But not in the land of S Africa. Not here where we wait 15 minutes just to watch a 2 minute clip on YouTube. Trying to watch Susan Boyle on Britain’s got Talent turned out to be a painful experience rather than a “feel-good” one. It doesn’t really seem worth it, does it?

Anyway, considering it’s only the 21st of May… I have 10 days until my internet is restored…please excuse me if the blog isn’t as up to date as it should be…. apologies. There will still be posts though!

On the bright side, I have learned from this error and in the future, will watch less videos on parrots talking and monkey’s singing… oh wait a minute, that’s not me, that’s C-Dawg….

Later Vaders…..

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Id tap that – Padma Lakshmi

Posted by Laurence on April 23, 2009

This is a FirstChild pick

It’s Indian Premier League time in South Africa, and so it’s time to embrace our love for all things indian. Which brings us to our next “I’d tap that”. Of course I’m talking about celebrity reality tv chef host and former wife of author Salman Rushdie, Padma Lakshmi. What’s there to say: she’s hot, she cooks, she dates guys who write books. And, importantly, she has a degree (A BA in theatre arts). But in case you need more convincing, here she is in action. Im hungry. I could use a burger.

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SA Idols Top Ten Review

Posted by lanktank on March 8, 2009

Everyone I know is talking about this year’s Idols (that’s a lie, no one I know is talking about it) but it’s still pretty big so I thought, a lot has progressed since my last entry on SA Idol’s 2009 and it’s about time for another.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I haven’t watched the show since my last entry a month ago. So I don’t have anyone in particular I like, or any history or pre-watching with these current contestants. All I know is that we’re down to the final top ten contestants and first up is a girl named:

1. Ntsepa: She seemed sweet and her voice was good. She’s also very pretty and probably a genuinely nice person. I didn’t think it was as amazing as what the judges did but enjoyable none the less.

2. Lendel: God I hate this song so much. He’s busy singing that “you are my, my, my, my lady… something” song. So unfortunate if someone picks a song that you can’t stand; you automatically favour that person less. Which is what has happened here: His voice isn’t THAT bad, but the song sucks, he keeps letting out these little yelps of excitement… “Woo! Hoo! Yoo!” and the way he keeps, signalling to the crowd to cheer louder: Annoying. And he just yelped again! He sounds like a tortured poodle. Stop it!

Now we get about 17 promo’s and sponsorships between singers performances. It’s not even done tastefully. Let’s cross over to this amazing spa and listen to the contestants talk about how great it is to be in the top ten while getting their eyebrows tinted.

3.  Sasha-Lee: I thought not bad but sort of phased out while M.O. and Dee were asking me if I’d heard of tonight’s M-Net 8pm movie and whether or not I liked it – until I suddenly became irritable and wasn’t sure why. Then I realised, it was Sasha-Lee, reaching the peak of the song… loud…too loud. A shite Celine Dion song choice too. Yuk.

4. Thembi: A Mariah Carey number, “You’ll always be my baby.” Everyone is picking the cheesiest, corniest songs. Why? What was the theme for this week? Pop Song Disasters for our time? Again, I didn’t love it but the judges love them all. Maybe the tuning from live singing to television isn’t right. Like sound waves or something. I’m serious because everyone sounds bleh! But she was probably second best so far… first being Ntsepa.

Who is this presenter? I’m trying to like her, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t. I can’t put my finger on it, but when I watch her I feel like scratching the skin off my arm, at least until I can see bone. Is this a good thing to be experiencing? Oh, she’s just said Cameron is up next and the girls seem to have gone ballistic. I think I remember him from last time… also I know Luwie loves him. Read the rest of this entry »

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