The Lank Tank

Why so serious?

Posts Tagged ‘work’

Parents were awesome

Posted by lanktank on October 27, 2009

Here’s a website dedicated to pictures of your parents when they were awesome. It’s kinda funny and cool to check out, however I’m not sure exactly why. Some pictures are frightful though, and I’m thinking; “If that was the most awesome they were, how dorky are they now?”

http://myparentswereawesome.tumblr.com/

Worth a browse if you’re bored at work… which is always! Am I right? Come on, don’t leave me hanging. High five?

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The Last Hour

Posted by lanktank on October 5, 2009

I found this old blog entry that I must have written (by re-reading it) about 3 months ago. It was obviously at the end of the day but then for some reason, I never got around to publishing it.

Due to lack of material… I just ate some fish and chips and I’m feeling a little vile….. I’ve decided to post it now…. even though it’s old and not the end of the day. SO SUE ME!

16h00: Oh look! It’s 16h00, already! That went quick. Some days just fly don’t they…

16h03: Only three minutes passed since I last checked? Hmm, that’s odd.

16h08: Ok, LT, stop looking at the clock. Seriously, the more you look the slower it’s becoming.

16h15: Let’s see what’s on the internet that I’m not blocked from… News…doctor’s strike…News…corruption charges dropped….BORING!

16h18: IMDB: What new movies are out? The New Harry Potter. Remember when Harry did that play in London and you could see his penis.

16h26: Has time physically stopped? For real? Is this what Vanilla Sky was all about?

16h34: Sweet all mighty Moses, Jesus and his pet Lamb! How can it only be 8 minutes later? I have gone to the toilet, washed my hands… twice. Stopped at the vending machine to assess if there was something new they were offering… A new Frito’s flavour perhaps? Maybe they brought Tex back. Alas, nothing new and I have no money to buy anything anyway.

16h37: Walking over to chat to colleague with bag of chips. Maybe he will offer me some.

16h43: He didn’t. It was a long shot. Last time we spoke, it ended in tears… not mine.

16:50: I’m leaving… and I’ll linger by reception until the clock strikes.

hhmm I’m beginning to see why I never posted it. Sorry.

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Those Office People

Posted by lanktank on April 1, 2009

Bugging things about “work people…”

They’re in every company, in every industry and being the “job ho”* that I’ve been I’ve had enough experience to know the similarities in every office.

These are the people I want to throw my stapler at the most…

1) The girl who laughs so hard it sounds like she’s weeping – Seriously, every time she packs out in hysterics, my first reaction is that her grandmother has just died and I should go get some tissues before realising she’s actually amused by something. The problem in addition to this, is that she laughs at EVERYTHING. Even the crap jokes that no one else laughs at made by…

2) Wannabe Comedian – Some of the gems I’ve heard come out of these guy’s mouth (Yes, it’s always a male). The dilemma with this guy is that he’ll make about 14 thousand “jokes” a day and due to Law of Averages one of them is bound to crack us up. So he gets the laugh and for some reason this seems to grant him permission to continue making atrocious jokes. So it’s our fault really.

3) That guy who sits opposite me and kicks me underneath the table  – all the time. It’s not now and then; “Oops, sorry about that! I’m just playing ‘Footsy Footsy!” HAHAHA!” It’s more like; “I don’t give a fack that your legs are underneath your own desk, where they should be; I’m stretching mine regardless and if I have to bruise your shins to do so, I couldn’t give a shite.”

4) The People who are ssooooo nice to you when they want a favour but couldn’t be more rude to you when you’re inconveniencing them – We all have to do things we don’t want to wank job. In fact, I spend 96% of my day doing things I don’t want to. The only thing that comforts me is the cup of Milo I get to make myself at the end of the day before going to sleep and having to wake up again to carry on do things I don’t want to do.

5) The Suck up to the Manager Arse – It’s so awful to watch, isn’t it? I mean, I understand when the manager cracks a joke, we all have to give the obligatory chuckle but no, you do not have to agree with everything they say. And stop trying to Facebook friend them and inviting them to your braai’s. It doesn’t work, they can see right through you. Well, at least the rest of the office can, and yes, we laugh at you behind your back and we call you names.

6) The girl who doesn’t stop talking about her boyfriend – Although I’ve never met him, I already know that he loves to cook, although she hates his Lasagna and doesn’t know how to tell him because “it will just crush him!” They’re also thinking about getting a puppy – she wants a Labrador but he thinks that’s cruel considering they live in a 3rd floor flat. Him and his sister are fighting all the time lately and she thinks it’s because the sister is jealous of their relationship and BLA BLA BLA! None of us give a flying fanny’s wobble. And have you noticed they always talk about their boyfriend as if he’s God’s gift to women, then you see a photo and you’re speechless because he looks like your Aunt Matilda.

7) The Non-Reading Emails People – These are my favourite. They call or email you asking if you can give them information about something that you have already answered in an email you just sent to them about those EXACT questions. And if you’re going to be so snippy when you mail me, don’t you want to make sure you’ve read all your emails tossnut!

– Non email reader: “Do you know when we’ll be getting that contract? You said you’d let us know by the 16th and it’s    already the 19th! HELLO!”

– Me: “Please find attached my previous email sent to you on the 13th with regards to the contract mentioned”

-Non-email reader: “Oh, thanks. I don’t think I received this. My email was working that day.”

Ya sure. For once I’d like to receive an email back: “Ooohh, I’m sorry I’m such a blind c@nt who doesn’t know how to use the Search application in my Outlook Express. Please forgive me for wasting your time, as you had already sent me this email but I was too retarded to either a) remember that you had sent it b) open it in the first place or c) Because I don’t really give a shite about you or the fact that you may have other things to do. I’m an A-hole, I admit it.”

But this is the way the office works. These people exist and are needed to help keep the blood flow of the work place pumping. They’re apart of the process… whatever process that is…

**Someone who has an inability to stay in one job for a reasonably length-ed period of time. Also known as a job hopper or a an irresponsible bum.

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Ninja Training

Posted by lanktank on December 2, 2008

So C-Dawg and I are G-talking and he mentions this link I emailed him, which was emailed to me by Luwie which was emailed to him by Random friend which was emailed to him by… (You get the point)

 

C-Dawg:  oh man, these dickipedia pages r a riot

LT:  I know, they’re terrific

C-Dawg:  so much to read

good thing i have no work ethic

 

LT:  haha, i know, T-Bird just emailed me and said: “don’t u ever work?”

I was almost offended

C-Dawg:  damn str8, u work hard to get all those emails out to all ur friends

that blog doesn’t write itself

LT:  yeah, you’re right C-Dawg…. who else is going to keep the masses (and my masses I mean my 5 friends) entertained?

C-Dawg:  lol

LT: oh your status is pretty decent today

 

[His status on G-Mail was: “I’M TRAINING TO BE A NINJA” which is a step up from some of the “gems” he usually has]

 

C-Dawg:  oh, yeah

i’m totally in training

i wanna sneak up on ppl

then give them a fright or just surprise them

coz i can

LT:  oh God, you’ve reached new levels of stalkerdom

C-Dawg:  i was never a stalker

LT:  “sure”

C-Dawg:  u’re being very complimentary about my statuses of late

u’re not getting a Entourage season 4; if that’s ur angle

LT: I only liked the last 2, let’s not get carried away….please can I have it…

C-Dawg: Ha!

LT: I gotta go, I actually do have work to do

C-Dawg: laters

 

But for those of you who don’t; go check this site out… definitely worth a look:

 

http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Main_Page

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Milk Carton Fail

Posted by lanktank on November 17, 2008

I found this in the fridge at work…

The geniuses that are my colleagues

17112008392

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The Coke Zero Experience

Posted by lanktank on November 12, 2008

Last Friday, a group of us decided to go watch a couple of bands at The Assembly. Now I love The Assembly but there have been a few buzz-kill bar experiences (like waiting over 30 minutes to get to get a drink) which have brought down the: “Enjoy-ability of the night vs amount of Hunters Dry in my body” ratio. It’s not the most dignified confession to make but a huge portion of my clubbing nights depend on how easily accessible the alcohol is from the bar to my lips.

I clearly wasn’t the only person who was a little worried about the pending night out because when the masses arrived at my house for a pre-Assembly drinks warm-up, a number of them had brought the necessary elements needed for a successful middle-of the-evening car bar – Vodka and Coke Zero 500ml bottles. Now I know what you’re thinking; being 24 and all I really should be steering away from cheap, student life manoeuvres but in my defence, it wasn’t my idea (although I was ashamed I hadn’t thought of it first) and the main instigator of it ALL was 27! So… not really sure how any of that defends my point. Moving on… Read the rest of this entry »

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